He’s not good looking but I’m head over heels with him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you dating this person? If not, then you can’t possibly know he’s the one.

I’m dating someone and do know that I want to marry him - and he’s not traditionally good looking, but he’s so kind and loving and makes me feel taken care of and respected, and he empowers me to do the things I love and enjoy. But I couldn’t have known any of these things unless we were dating.

Not to derail this thread, but how do I find one of these? I have always shied away from super-attractive guys finding that they were often shallow, but the two average looking guys I had long term relationships with and came to love ultimately revealed themselves to be extremely unkind to me.

I’d like to find someone exactly like you describe? How did you find him? What clued you in that he would be like this long term as opposed to the first-year-for-show kindness? Are you good at dumping people at the first sign of failure in this area? Sometimes I think I am too independent and not judge-y enough, so I end up with guys that are actually pretty selfish long term.

+1 I’d like to know too! Similar experiences as PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you dating this person? If not, then you can’t possibly know he’s the one.

I’m dating someone and do know that I want to marry him - and he’s not traditionally good looking, but he’s so kind and loving and makes me feel taken care of and respected, and he empowers me to do the things I love and enjoy. But I couldn’t have known any of these things unless we were dating.

Not to derail this thread, but how do I find one of these? I have always shied away from super-attractive guys finding that they were often shallow, but the two average looking guys I had long term relationships with and came to love ultimately revealed themselves to be extremely unkind to me.

I’d like to find someone exactly like you describe? How did you find him? What clued you in that he would be like this long term as opposed to the first-year-for-show kindness? Are you good at dumping people at the first sign of failure in this area? Sometimes I think I am too independent and not judge-y enough, so I end up with guys that are actually pretty selfish long term.

Watch how he treats other people, especially service people and those lower in social status or power. Look for someone who has close, warm, longtime relationships with friends and family. All the good men I dated had friends who thought the world of them and could tell stories about how my boyfriend came through for them when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feels like another MRA troll thread.

You sound like the "MRA troll" troll who shows up in every thread. Boring!

Nah I’m not a big fan DCUM poster but OP is pretty unrealistic. Seems like a ruse to get women to give them fuel for their rage fire. Again.

Just another lazy Sunday morning dumb troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not to derail this thread, but how do I find one of these? I have always shied away from super-attractive guys finding that they were often shallow, but the two average looking guys I had long term relationships with and came to love ultimately revealed themselves to be extremely unkind to me.

I’d like to find someone exactly like you describe? How did you find him? What clued you in that he would be like this long term as opposed to the first-year-for-show kindness? Are you good at dumping people at the first sign of failure in this area? Sometimes I think I am too independent and not judge-y enough, so I end up with guys that are actually pretty selfish long term.

Couple of thoughts: Ugly guys aren't any nicer than hot ones. I know this is tough to believe, but it's true.

That said, pick someone you find attractive and share values with. Most people are inherently selfish, we only become less selfish when we meet someone who makes us care and want to do better.

[Anonymous]

Must be a troll because nobody IRL is this idiotic.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is that when I was 22 I met a really nice guy who had a very tough disability so we were just friends. His disability was hard to see past. A few years later my brain kicked in and I realized he was an amazing guy who calmly excelled at everything. We were really good friends and I asked him out. We've been married a very long time and it's been a wonderful journey and I'm so happy I came to my senses. If you are head over heels go with your gut because it took me a few years to figure it out and I could have missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you dating this person? If not, then you can’t possibly know he’s the one.

I’m dating someone and do know that I want to marry him - and he’s not traditionally good looking, but he’s so kind and loving and makes me feel taken care of and respected, and he empowers me to do the things I love and enjoy. But I couldn’t have known any of these things unless we were dating.

Not to derail this thread, but how do I find one of these? I have always shied away from super-attractive guys finding that they were often shallow, but the two average looking guys I had long term relationships with and came to love ultimately revealed themselves to be extremely unkind to me.

I’d like to find someone exactly like you describe? How did you find him? What clued you in that he would be like this long term as opposed to the first-year-for-show kindness? Are you good at dumping people at the first sign of failure in this area? Sometimes I think I am too independent and not judge-y enough, so I end up with guys that are actually pretty selfish long term.

+1 I’d like to know too! Similar experiences as PP.

I’m the pp. I watched how he treated other people, his parents, and paid attention to what others thought about him - particularly people he wasn’t fond of. I was also a single mom when we met, so I watched how he treated my son, and how he treated me when kid stuff messed up our plans (stitches meant a date got canceled once, dad was late once because of terrible weather which canceled a date, etc) and he never made me feel guilty or got frustrated over it - he realized it was out of my control. He’s not conventionally attractive (also not unattractive), but his good qualities make him the best person I know. He values me, and while he doesn’t give me a lot of gifts, he spends time with me, and does things that make me feel cared for (for example, I have anxiety and when my house gets super messy I get anxious and overwhelmed and can’t figure out where to start to clean it, which makes me more anxious, so he would make a point of cleaning up a few rooms when we were dating - never once making me feel bad for not being able to get it all done myself), and helping me find time to spend with my friends (which is hard with a kid!).

He’s not perfect, we argue sometimes, we disagree on how clean the house should be, and he’s not a cat person (I am). But he loves me, and treats me like he loves me all the time. He never says anything mean, even when we argue.

He’s really nerdy, and didn’t date a lot before we met, and I think most women didn’t give him the time of day because he was nerdy, a little shy, and unsure of himself. I met him at work, and got to know him as a friend at first - and then I asked him out - and it worked out well.

[Anonymous]

Female here. I’m old enough to realize that if I found someone that was nice, caring and connected with but wasn’t the best looking thing, I’d hang on to him. I’ve dated a lot of good looking men but they weren’t the nicest of guys.

[Anonymous]

Should be happy..

You get the thrill of being head over heels without the risks of dating a man that tons of much hotter women will think is attractive

[Anonymous]

My DH is not handsome. But he is kind, generous, funny, smart, hard-working, devoted to me and the kids, and great in bed, and we have similar values and interests. #winning!

[Anonymous]

My husband has a permanent rash of sores across his face, neck and torso, most of them weeping and some emitting a very foul-smelling substance called keratin. On the bright side, he says please and thank you and has a lovely singing voice. You must take the good with the bad.

[Anonymous]

The best of all worlds is a guy who is good-looking, well paid, and great in bed. My wife is so damned lucky.

[Anonymous]

Is he in good shape? Call me superficial, but as long as he is active, that’s good enough for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a permanent rash of sores across his face, neck and torso, most of them weeping and some emitting a very foul-smelling substance called keratin. On the bright side, he says please and thank you and has a lovely singing voice. You must take the good with the bad.

I hope he’s seeing a doctor for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a permanent rash of sores across his face, neck and torso, most of them weeping and some emitting a very foul-smelling substance called keratin. On the bright side, he says please and thank you and has a lovely singing voice. You must take the good with the bad.

I hope he’s seeing a doctor for that.

Why? What good would it dew?