Reply to He’s not good looking but I’m head over heels with him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you dating this person? If not, then you can’t possibly know he’s the one.

I’m dating someone and do know that I want to marry him - and he’s not traditionally good looking, but [b]he’s so kind and loving and makes me feel taken care of and respected, and he empowers me to do the things I love and enjoy.[/b] But I couldn’t have known any of these things unless we were dating. [/quote]

Not to derail this thread, but how do I find one of these?  I have always shied away from super-attractive guys finding that they were often shallow, but the two average looking guys I had long term relationships with and came to love ultimately revealed themselves to be extremely unkind to me.

I’d like to find someone exactly like you describe?  How did you find him? What clued you in that he would be like this long term as opposed to the first-year-for-show kindness?  Are you good at dumping people at the first sign of failure in this area?  Sometimes I think I am too independent and not judge-y enough, so I end up with guys that are actually pretty selfish long term. [/quote]

+1 I’d like to know too! Similar experiences as PP.[/quote]

I’m the pp. I watched how he treated other people, his parents, and paid attention to what others thought about him - particularly people he wasn’t fond of. I was also a single mom when we met, so I watched how he treated my son, and how he treated me when kid stuff messed up our plans (stitches meant a date got canceled once, dad was late once because of terrible weather which canceled a date, etc) and he never made me feel guilty or got frustrated over it - he realized it was out of my control. He’s not conventionally attractive (also not unattractive), but his good qualities make him the best person I know. He values me, and while he doesn’t give me a lot of gifts, he spends time with me, and does things that make me feel cared for (for example, I have anxiety and when my house gets super messy I get anxious and overwhelmed and can’t figure out where to start to clean it, which makes me more anxious, so he would make a point of cleaning up a few rooms when we were dating - never once making me feel bad for not being able to get it all done myself), and helping me find time to spend with my friends (which is hard with a kid!).

He’s not perfect, we argue sometimes, we disagree on how clean the house should be, and he’s not a cat person (I am). But he loves me, and treats me like he loves me all the time. He never says anything mean, even when we argue.

He’s really nerdy, and didn’t date a lot before we met, and I think most women didn’t give him the time of day because he was nerdy, a little shy, and unsure of himself. I met him at work, and got to know him as a friend at first - and then I asked him out - and it worked out well. [/quote]

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