He’s not good looking but I’m head over heels with him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you dating this person? If not, then you can’t possibly know he’s the one.

I’m dating someone and do know that I want to marry him - and he’s not traditionally good looking, but he’s so kind and loving and makes me feel taken care of and respected, and he empowers me to do the things I love and enjoy. But I couldn’t have known any of these things unless we were dating.

Not to derail this thread, but how do I find one of these? I have always shied away from super-attractive guys finding that they were often shallow, but the two average looking guys I had long term relationships with and came to love ultimately revealed themselves to be extremely unkind to me.

I’d like to find someone exactly like you describe? How did you find him? What clued you in that he would be like this long term as opposed to the first-year-for-show kindness? Are you good at dumping people at the first sign of failure in this area? Sometimes I think I am too independent and not judge-y enough, so I end up with guys that are actually pretty selfish long term.

Not the PP, but I screen for kindness. Someone who isn't kind is gone. And I don't just mean to me. I mean to everyone. Rude to the waiter? Huge red flag. Is he kind to his friends? (Does he have friends?) How does he talk about other people--does he tear them down behind their backs, does he spread malicious gossip, etc.? How does he treat his family members?

Almost anyone can treat a new dating partner well for a while. The question is what their true character is, and you find that out by observing how they treat others.