He’s not good looking but I’m head over heels with him

[Anonymous]

I’m in a dilemma. Met a great guy. He’s got excellent qualities and great job and social status. I never felt attracted initially, but overtime I was head over heels. My heart races when I see him.

I get butterflies in my stomach. I feel like he’s the one. But at the same time, when I check out his photos on social media, I realise that his not good looking. But I’m head over heels and deeply attracted and in love with him. He’s not good looking, but my heart races every time I see him.

Am I being unrealistic in persuing this relationship and eventually considering marriage to him? Am I being unfair to him, if I don’t think he’s good looking, yet I’m deeply attracted to him?

[Anonymous]

It's difficult not to be snarky. Your concern regarding what other people think of his looks are causing you to reconsider a relationship with this person? This is the pretty much the definition of 'superficial'. Have you never heard, 'Looks fade but dumb is forever'? A relationship cannot be sustained on 'looks'.

My advice is to do some soul searching and research, maybe even some counseling, to help you learn why what other people think of your choices is so important to you. Until you better understand yourself and the unreasonable importance you place on other people's opinions, you shouldn't be in any relationship.

[Anonymous]

Are you dating this person? If not, then you can’t possibly know he’s the one.

I’m dating someone and do know that I want to marry him - and he’s not traditionally good looking, but he’s so kind and loving and makes me feel taken care of and respected, and he empowers me to do the things I love and enjoy. But I couldn’t have known any of these things unless we were dating.

[Anonymous]

One person's average is another person's hot.

[Anonymous]

You really need to get your head together. Just how shallow are you? You like him, get head over heels, but you think his Facebook pictures aren't nice? I can't even. Are you "hot"? Guess what, in the long term that's going to go away too and you're going to be left with just being who you are or else you're going to look like one of those pathetic California Barbies with grotesque faces that are UGLY.

You also haven't said how he treats you, how you treat him, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a dilemma. Met a great guy. He’s got excellent qualities and great job and social status. I never felt attracted initially, but overtime I was head over heels. My heart races when I see him.

I get butterflies in my stomach. I feel like he’s the one. But at the same time, when I check out his photos on social media, I realise that his not good looking. But I’m head over heels and deeply attracted and in love with him. He’s not good looking, but my heart races every time I see him.

Am I being unrealistic in persuing this relationship and eventually considering marriage to him? Am I being unfair to him, if I don’t think he’s good looking, yet I’m deeply attracted to him?

The three things you use to describe him are job, social status, and looks.

Yes, you’ll probably get sick of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's difficult not to be snarky. Your concern regarding what other people think of his looks are causing you to reconsider a relationship with this person? This is the pretty much the definition of 'superficial'. Have you never heard, 'Looks fade but dumb is forever'? A relationship cannot be sustained on 'looks'.

My advice is to do some soul searching and research, maybe even some counseling, to help you learn why what other people think of your choices is so important to you. Until you better understand yourself and the unreasonable importance you place on other people's opinions, you shouldn't be in any relationship.

+1

I love it when the first responder absolutely nails it. So satisfying.

[Anonymous]

Attraction, compatibility, and character are what matter. When you think of the kind of person you want to be with in the long term, is being photogenic at the top of the list? Hopefully not. If your family and/or friends immediately dismiss him for not being typically attractive, then that's a flaw in them and possibly you...

[Anonymous]

Feels like another MRA troll thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feels like another MRA troll thread.

You sound like the "MRA troll" troll who shows up in every thread. Boring!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feels like another MRA troll thread.

You sound like the "MRA troll" troll who shows up in every thread. Boring!

Nah I’m not a big fan DCUM poster but OP is pretty unrealistic. Seems like a ruse to get women to give them fuel for their rage fire. Again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you dating this person? If not, then you can’t possibly know he’s the one.

I’m dating someone and do know that I want to marry him - and he’s not traditionally good looking, but he’s so kind and loving and makes me feel taken care of and respected, and he empowers me to do the things I love and enjoy. But I couldn’t have known any of these things unless we were dating.

Not to derail this thread, but how do I find one of these? I have always shied away from super-attractive guys finding that they were often shallow, but the two average looking guys I had long term relationships with and came to love ultimately revealed themselves to be extremely unkind to me.

I’d like to find someone exactly like you describe? How did you find him? What clued you in that he would be like this long term as opposed to the first-year-for-show kindness? Are you good at dumping people at the first sign of failure in this area? Sometimes I think I am too independent and not judge-y enough, so I end up with guys that are actually pretty selfish long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a dilemma. Met a great guy. He’s got excellent qualities and great job and social status. I never felt attracted initially, but overtime I was head over heels. My heart races when I see him.

I get butterflies in my stomach. I feel like he’s the one. But at the same time, when I check out his photos on social media, I realise that his not good looking. But I’m head over heels and deeply attracted and in love with him. He’s not good looking, but my heart races every time I see him.

Am I being unrealistic in persuing this relationship and eventually considering marriage to him? Am I being unfair to him, if I don’t think he’s good looking, yet I’m deeply attracted to him?

So stop looking at his social media photos. Done!

And realize that he is overlooking your spelling, "Realise" (are you a Brit?)? "Persuing"?

"Oh, DCUM< I'm dating this wonderful woman, but when I see her social media postings I realize that she is a terrible speller. What do I do?"

Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Are you single?

[Anonymous]

Also how long have you known him?