I didn’t prioritize for a high-status male. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Every woman I know married a man higher socioeconomic status than herself. They’re all very happy and feel accomplished as now they’re children will be raised a rung or two above the class they grew up in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in DC, OP? The DMV is a materialistic, status-obsessed, area. Out in "flyover" country, people tend to be a bit less gross about this stuff.

We used to live there for a long time. We loved many things about the DMV but did get tired of that part of the culture and left for a combination of reasons. This behavior exists in flyover country too, though, yes, many people are less materialistic. But I see lots of it still. Sometimes I think it’s worse because unlike the Coasts, it is tougher for women to gain status and upper middle class income without marrying to it. It is more unequal and usually comes with the price of having to go along with your husband. Wealthy guys are pretty aware of what clout money gives them.

Not sure why I’m being called names because I didn’t want to be arm candy, spend years listening to an arrogant jerk, or be bored to death. I had my own priorities like anyone else. I just wonder why money supersedes other important qualities when many women make their choice. It sounds like misery to do that.

Congrats to the woman who got the whole package. Good for you!

I agree with the woman from the Middle East. I can make my own money. I can be independent. That is what is great about our country. And like she said we can add a suitable man to that if we want. We are not goods to be levied in a business transaction. I see people talk about how to split “his” money and “her” money. Where is the marriage in that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a strange humble brag post. “So many men wanted to marry me but I kept my moral compass honed and found a great father for my children.” Uh, yay for you OP.

Lol, I know. Nice, OP. “Several offers.” I just can’t ...

OP, most of us married for love. But keep patting yourself on the back.

[Anonymous]

You “had several offers”? As though you were applying for a job or something? Interesting approach.

[Anonymous]

OP, in both of your posts, I do not see, anywhere, you even suggest that you love your husband. You talk about a series of qualities that men have, and how you look down on women who prioritize one of them (having money) over others that *you* believe are more important. But really, you're the same as they are - choosing a partner off of a checklist. That your checklist differs from theirs matters not at all.

[Anonymous]

I didn't either. I married the man I met when I was 19, when money was the farthest thing from my mind. I just knew he was cute and smart and funny and kind and got along well with my friends. Sold. Luckily it ended up working out and he does make a lot of money.

Know why I say that? Because money HELPS a lot. You're not being honest if you can't admit that's true. Being able to throw money at your problems reduces a lot of stress. And not having to fight about money at all because you have enough also reduces stress.

I don't think it's wrong for women in their thirties to be thinking like this ^. It's common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, never even crossed my mind to find someone "high status." I just wanted us to be happy and have a lot in common.

Same. I also wanted so eone who would be faithful and a loving parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, in both of your posts, I do not see, anywhere, you even suggest that you love your husband. You talk about a series of qualities that men have, and how you look down on women who prioritize one of them (having money) over others that *you* believe are more important. But really, you're the same as they are - choosing a partner off of a checklist. That your checklist differs from theirs matters not at all.

Dp. I'd rather be married to a middle income man who adores me and is faithful than to a wealthy man who treats me like sh*t. I'm sure there are men with both wealth and character, but I've heard from women married to high status men that the competition for their attention never stops. There is always someone younger and prettier who wants what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if you were less of a sanctimonious cow, you could have found someone with all of your husband’s qualities AND makes a good living. They exist. It’s a false dichotomy to say that all rich guys are cheaters and ugly and all poor guys are saints. I’ve met assholes at every social economic level.

Try to be less of a self righteous ddouchebag OP, just, in general.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s sad women talk about marrying high status men. It’s how my in laws talk in a middle eastern country, because women are nothing outside of their roles as a daughter, wife, and mother.

We have an opportunity here in the US to be independent, pursue what we want, and if we want a man, we can have one of those too. Find one that is a complement to the woman you are. Stop looking at them as a business transaction.

EXACTLY!

It came to me as a surprise that American women also think in terms of "high status" quality! I thought it was all about love etc... based on their movies and novels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, in both of your posts, I do not see, anywhere, you even suggest that you love your husband. You talk about a series of qualities that men have, and how you look down on women who prioritize one of them (having money) over others that *you* believe are more important. But really, you're the same as they are - choosing a partner off of a checklist. That your checklist differs from theirs matters not at all.

Dp. I'd rather be married to a middle income man who adores me and is faithful than to a wealthy man who treats me like sh*t. I'm sure there are men with both wealth and character, but I've heard from women married to high status men that the competition for their attention never stops. There is always someone younger and prettier who wants what you have.

OP here. Yeah, I saw that a lot with the very, sweet but boring guy. Conventionally, he was extremely handsome and had a career that was likely to take him far. Women threw themselves at him, even in front of me, hoping to steal him. It was so weird. He said one of the reasons he liked me is because I didn’t throw myself at him and treated him like a person not a prize. Of course, there are plenty of men who would eat this up. This guy married a nice girl though.

A friend of mine also dated/married an extremely handsome guy with a great job. Same story. He’d be asked by some random girl to buy her a drink right in front of my friend standing next to him. If he went to the bar alone to get another drink, soon there would be five or six girls surrounding him. It was unreal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in DC, OP? The DMV is a materialistic, status-obsessed, area. Out in "flyover" country, people tend to be a bit less gross about this stuff.

I disagree. Not sure where you live, but my friends and neighbors are pretty down to earth, grounded people who seem to have jobs that are about the mission of their work and not the status or money.

[Anonymous]

OP I don't know why you assume a "high status" man is also a jerk and a bad father. and thats a dumb term anyhow. I prioritized finding love, dated a lot and got married at 35. I don't think of DH as high status but he has plenty of money and is successful. And he is a devoted dad and rock solid loving husband. I never doubt we are his priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a strange humble brag post. “So many men wanted to marry me but I kept my moral compass honed and found a great father for my children.” Uh, yay for you OP.

Lol, I know. Nice, OP. “Several offers.” I just can’t ...

OP, most of us married for love. But keep patting yourself on the back.

NP. I read it as deflecting from the inevitable DCUM “so you settled because you couldn’t get anyone better.”

FWIW I turned down several better offers (one of them you see on TV) and chose nice and tall, dark and handsome. He turned out to have indiagnosed ADHD and to be a manipulative d*bag. Oh well, for the 15 years he paid attention to me and his kids, it was great.

[Anonymous]

There are “high status” men that are solid husbands and fathers. I happen to be married to one of them and I love him too. And since we don’t do the party scene I’ve never had to see women throw themselves in front of him even though he is tall dark and handsome.