I didn’t prioritize for a high-status male. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

High-status will mean different things to different people.

You just come across as stupid, OP. I suppose you can't help it, but if you know, then at least you can mull things over in your mind before you post or open your mouth.

[Anonymous]

The accumulation of wealth - especially if the person is earning the wealth themselves - is correlated with high-functioning sociopaths and narcissists. So yeah, you'd be more likely to marry someone who may be emotionally abusive, neglectful, or just treats you as a widget/object.

The ideal would be marrying someone with a sizable inheritance that would ensure all major bills are covered (nice housing, good schools, college tuition, comfortable retirement), but not so big that they stop working hard. This ensures that your family has a strong work ethic, but you never feel economically unstable.

[Anonymous]

My wife didn't learn about my trust fund until after we were married. She thought she married a 85k per annum analyst with the DOD. Our grandkids won't need to work if they don't want too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The accumulation of wealth - especially if the person is earning the wealth themselves - is correlated with high-functioning sociopaths and narcissists. So yeah, you'd be more likely to marry someone who may be emotionally abusive, neglectful, or just treats you as a widget/object.

The ideal would be marrying someone with a sizable inheritance that would ensure all major bills are covered (nice housing, good schools, college tuition, comfortable retirement), but not so big that they stop working hard. This ensures that your family has a strong work ethic, but you never feel economically unstable.

Wrong! Inheriting sizable wealth at an early age can kill a strong work ethic. I've seen it plenty of times. My DH has accumulated a great deal of wealth and he is the opposite of a high functioning sociopath and narcissist. My bet is that your SO did not inherit any money and has not accumulated any wealth but may be a nice person which is just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
High-status will mean different things to different people.

You just come across as stupid, OP. I suppose you can't help it, but if you know, then at least you can mull things over in your mind before you post or open your mouth.

Exactly.

OP, please define high-status.

[Anonymous]

I didn't because I didn't know better. Now DH and I are slogging it away at work every day, I still have six figures of student loans, and DH has to drive 3 hours a day back and forth to work three days/week . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I frequently read about men and women acknowledging that marrying someone “high-status” is priority. Women often say it is for the good of their future children. But then I read on here about so much misery over cheating, selfish husbands who are lousy dads

Since when has socioeconomic status had any bearing on fidelity, geniality, or parenting?
I could have sworn there are wealthy cheaters and poor cheaters and every net worth in between...
I could have sworn there are wealthy assholes and poor assholes and every net worth in between...
I could have sworn there are wealthy bad parents and poor bad parents and every net worth in between...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I frequently read about men and women acknowledging that marrying someone “high-status” is priority. Women often say it is for the good of their future children. But then I read on here about so much misery over cheating, selfish husbands who are lousy dads.

Wealth and status wasn’t a priority for me. I did have several offers but usually felt they didn’t really see past my looks and care about the real me, a couple were arrogant, one was obviously going to be a cheater, and one was so kind and affectionate but incredibly boring.

I married someone as kind, truthful, and loyal as possible, very good looking and funny. He’s not rich but works hard to provide for our family. Friends envy our peaceful marriage and how involved he is as father. My child adores him. I feel very good that I gave my child an exceptional father.

Anyone else not prioritize wealth? How did it play out for you?

You're falling into the childhood trap where the world has to be fair so anyone who is too rich must suck in other ways. The truth is that poor men can be cruel, selfish, lazy and cheat as much as the rich men. There is no automatic goodness upgrade just because you're poor. If you MUST be unhappy, it's better to be unhappy and rich than unhappy and poor.

[Anonymous]

If someone wants wealth, yet is going to sneer at a guy who can put food on the table and pay the rent, just not in her zip code of choice, she really needs to go earn her own damn money.

[Anonymous]

Look at it this way, OP - your husband didn't prioritize a high status woman, either. So you're all square.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone wants wealth, yet is going to sneer at a guy who can put food on the table and pay the rent, just not in her zip code of choice, she really needs to go earn her own damn money.

If someone wants a nice guy and a good father, yet is going to sneer at a guy who is wealthy out of pure presumption that he's a bad person for having a big wallet, she really needs to go to hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a strange humble brag post. “So many men wanted to marry me but I kept my moral compass honed and found a great father for my children.” Uh, yay for you OP.

Lol, I know. Nice, OP. “Several offers.” I just can’t ...

OP, most of us married for love. But keep patting yourself on the back.

I am middle eastern and I too was surprised to learn that white American women also marry for money and status.

[Anonymous]

I married the guy I loved. Money did not enter my mind at the time. We both just worked slowly up the ladder. Really slowly. He was a great choice as a partner. Smart, kind, involved, funny.
Luckily I didn't marry someone like my father who drank, lied, committed crimes and left (without a penny of child support.)

[Anonymous]

Of course I didn't prioritize a "high status" husband. what a ridiculous thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’d be asked by some random girl to buy her a drink right in front of my friend standing next to him.

Notice how they're not buying him a drink...