Are love and physical attraction different (conceptually) to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pay attention here men. The answers in this thread is why you don't want to get married.

My attraction for DH hasn’t declined.

[Anonymous]

Guy here - Physical attraction overrides love... At least for me it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Man here. I fall in love with a very particular kind of woman in looks and demeanor but can have strong physical attraction to other types

Does the first type resemble your mother? (serious question)

[Anonymous]

Absolutely! Frankly, it's a pretty dumb question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP and appreciate the answers. My girlfriend seemed surprised to learn that I find love and physical attraction to be mutually exclusive or, at least distinct. I didn’t know if her view (that they are bound together) was just the norm among women. So this is helpful to hear from other women.

Mutually exclusive!? Distinct, ok, but mutually exclusive is effed up. Suggests a trauma somewhere.

[Anonymous]

You want to have sex with someone who is new and attractive. (Sometimes the novelty causes the attraction). You want to live with someone you love and take advantage of his resources, but you don't necessarily want to have sex with him. Pretty common.

[Anonymous]

I am a woman. Love and physical attraction have always been very different concepts for me, so much so that they are not related concepts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely! Frankly, it's a pretty dumb question.

I guess my girlfriend is dumb then. I'll be sure to tell her that. She doesn't understand how the way she styles herself (makeup vs. none, form fitting bodycon dress vs. boxy unflattering tunic style dress, tan vs. pale, etc) has a direct impact on how physically enticing she is. She says that her attraction for me is linked to her love for me such that when I gain weight it doesn't make her find me less attractive. I honestly find it hard to believe but maybe she's just a nice person?

[Anonymous]

Woman here, I’ve been physically attracted to many men I haven’t loved. I’ve never loved a man I wasn’t physically attracted to initially.

I think OP is dealing with no longer being physically attracted to his wife/GF/AP but still has feelings. Normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely! Frankly, it's a pretty dumb question.

I guess my girlfriend is dumb then. I'll be sure to tell her that. She doesn't understand how the way she styles herself (makeup vs. none, form fitting bodycon dress vs. boxy unflattering tunic style dress, tan vs. pale, etc) has a direct impact on how physically enticing she is. She says that her attraction for me is linked to her love for me such that when I gain weight it doesn't make her find me less attractive. I honestly find it hard to believe but maybe she's just a nice person?

I say this gently. As a woman, what she means is that what she found attractive about you to begin with wasn't your physical attributes.

But your post seems to indicate that you're becoming less attracted to her in part because of a lack of self care. As someone who has BTDT with a spouse who let themselves go, be clear that you have a need for her to keep herself up. Otherwise you could find yourself with a wife 75lbs higher and with cheese powder stains on her tshirts, and then things become much harder. Foot down now, while you still can. (Yes, I'm a woman, and all this body positive stuff ignores the impact on health, energy levels, and relationships.)

[Anonymous]

For me (female, 50) they go together, hand in hand. You have to work at the love to maintain the attraction. And you have to work at the attraction to maintain the love.

That is, be kind and stay in shape, you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely! Frankly, it's a pretty dumb question.

I guess my girlfriend is dumb then. I'll be sure to tell her that. She doesn't understand how the way she styles herself (makeup vs. none, form fitting bodycon dress vs. boxy unflattering tunic style dress, tan vs. pale, etc) has a direct impact on how physically enticing she is. She says that her attraction for me is linked to her love for me such that when I gain weight it doesn't make her find me less attractive. I honestly find it hard to believe but maybe she's just a nice person?

I say this gently. As a woman, what she means is that what she found attractive about you to begin with wasn't your physical attributes.

But your post seems to indicate that you're becoming less attracted to her in part because of a lack of self care. As someone who has BTDT with a spouse who let themselves go, be clear that you have a need for her to keep herself up. Otherwise you could find yourself with a wife 75lbs higher and with cheese powder stains on her tshirts, and then things become much harder. Foot down now, while you still can. (Yes, I'm a woman, and all this body positive stuff ignores the impact on health, energy levels, and relationships.)

You write fiction for a living? Because that’s not what he wrote.

[Anonymous]

My attraction to DH also hasn’t waned. To me what OP has described is the typical “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you” scenario. Attraction is a huge part of being in love to me. I LOVE all my friends and my siblings etc. I’m IN LOVE with my husband.

[Anonymous]

I think my DW will always love me platonically, but she has totally lost her desire to jump my bones, which was overwhelming 35 years ago. And I am only five pounds heavier. TB12 somehow hasn't lost as much of his appeal to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my DW will always love me platonically, but she has totally lost her desire to jump my bones, which was overwhelming 35 years ago. And I am only five pounds heavier. TB12 somehow hasn't lost as much of his appeal to her.

She likes Tawwmy? Maybe you're not enough of a douchebag putz to get her motor running.