Are love and physical attraction different (conceptually) to you?

[Anonymous]

And do you think the answer to this question, on average, be different for men and women in longterm relationships? I've struggled with this in many relationships because I often find that attraction wanes even when my love for the person grows deeper. It's very frustrating because I can't tell whether this is just "par for the course" in longterm relationships, a function of gender (I'm a man), or evidence that this "isn't the right person." But what is strange to me is that the love itself often gets stronger but the raw desire weakens.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

Female here. Yes, that's normal.

[Anonymous]

Woman here and yes, they differ for me.

[Anonymous]

Of course.

Yes physical attraction wanes.

[Anonymous]

The definitions are different but they can overlap. It's certainly possible to have physical attraction without love. It is also possible to love someone without being physically attracted to them. (children, parents, best friend)

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. More for women than men.

[Anonymous]

This is true for me and I’m a woman. Once the honeymoon phase ends and you see the person in many scenarios, the attraction fades but love does grow.....sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I’m the PP and forgot to add that once people get comfortable in a long term relationship, it’s common that they let themselves go in more ways than one. This is a major contributing factor to the decline in attraction.

[Anonymous]

I think in cases where physical attraction wanes its because you get used to the newness of it all. Like anything new and shiny you get in a gift, over time your favorite may not be the go-to or thing you want right away.

The exception is when you both naturally keep things super hot and exciting in bed, and both partners remain always physically fulfilled - then I think the attraction can actually grow stronger. You associate that desire with needs being met, and it reinforces itself.

[Anonymous]

Par for the course

You have to be realistic and realize you are getting older too and this less attractive

[Anonymous]

Pay attention here men. The answers in this thread is why you don't want to get married.

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP and appreciate the answers. My girlfriend seemed surprised to learn that I find love and physical attraction to be mutually exclusive or, at least distinct. I didn’t know if her view (that they are bound together) was just the norm among women. So this is helpful to hear from other women.

[Anonymous]

Humans are more physically attracted to novelty than the routine. It’s natural and annoying sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Man here. I fall in love with a very particular kind of woman in looks and demeanor but can have strong physical attraction to other types