Are love and physical attraction different (conceptually) to you?

[Anonymous]

yes, duh.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I think people are missing what I'm saying. I'm not talking about platonic love. I'm talking about deep love in a romantic relationship. Love that involves sacrifice, care, a strong desire to be with this person through thick and thin. That's the type of love I'm talking about. I think it is BOTH being in love and loving. Not trying to make that distinction. What I'm curious about is how common it is for a person to have that love grow deeper and never wane but to have the type of (excuse the lingo "itch in the private parts attraction) wane over time such that if given the choice between your partner and 99 other women to have sex with regularly you'd chose the 99 (even if you -- at one time -- wanted to choose this partner).

My point is that I'm being told that those two thing (those two items of raw attraction and abiding love) go hand-in-hand. And for me, that's NEVER made any sense. In the beginning I never have love for a partner, but I do have lustful attraction. Over time, invariably, I tend not to have lustful attraction but I do have love.

Is this just the way it is always?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think people are missing what I'm saying. I'm not talking about platonic love. I'm talking about deep love in a romantic relationship. Love that involves sacrifice, care, a strong desire to be with this person through thick and thin. That's the type of love I'm talking about. I think it is BOTH being in love and loving. Not trying to make that distinction. What I'm curious about is how common it is for a person to have that love grow deeper and never wane but to have the type of (excuse the lingo "itch in the private parts attraction) wane over time such that if given the choice between your partner and 99 other women to have sex with regularly you'd chose the 99 (even if you -- at one time -- wanted to choose this partner).

My point is that I'm being told that those two thing (those two items of raw attraction and abiding love) go hand-in-hand. And for me, that's NEVER made any sense. In the beginning I never have love for a partner, but I do have lustful attraction. Over time, invariably, I tend not to have lustful attraction but I do have love.

Is this just the way it is always?

I told you. it's hand in hand for me. For you it isn't. That's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think people are missing what I'm saying. I'm not talking about platonic love. I'm talking about deep love in a romantic relationship. Love that involves sacrifice, care, a strong desire to be with this person through thick and thin. That's the type of love I'm talking about. I think it is BOTH being in love and loving. Not trying to make that distinction. What I'm curious about is how common it is for a person to have that love grow deeper and never wane but to have the type of (excuse the lingo "itch in the private parts attraction) wane over time such that if given the choice between your partner and 99 other women to have sex with regularly you'd chose the 99 (even if you -- at one time -- wanted to choose this partner).

My point is that I'm being told that those two thing (those two items of raw attraction and abiding love) go hand-in-hand. And for me, that's NEVER made any sense. In the beginning I never have love for a partner, but I do have lustful attraction. Over time, invariably, I tend not to have lustful attraction but I do have love.

Is this just the way it is always?

I told you. it's hand in hand for me. For you it isn't. That's ok.

Right, I hear ya. Not trying to persuade you to my side. I'm just very curious about how common it is in the population at large? And, whether it breaks down differently, on average, across gender lines?

[Anonymous]

I had amazingggg physical chemistry with a guy I dated for a year but never wanted to marry him. I married a guy that I love and the physical part doesn't come close to the former relationship. Some people get lucky and get both. I'm happy with my choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think people are missing what I'm saying. I'm not talking about platonic love. I'm talking about deep love in a romantic relationship. Love that involves sacrifice, care, a strong desire to be with this person through thick and thin. That's the type of love I'm talking about. I think it is BOTH being in love and loving. Not trying to make that distinction. What I'm curious about is how common it is for a person to have that love grow deeper and never wane but to have the type of (excuse the lingo "itch in the private parts attraction) wane over time such that if given the choice between your partner and 99 other women to have sex with regularly you'd chose the 99 (even if you -- at one time -- wanted to choose this partner).

My point is that I'm being told that those two thing (those two items of raw attraction and abiding love) go hand-in-hand. And for me, that's NEVER made any sense. In the beginning I never have love for a partner, but I do have lustful attraction. Over time, invariably, I tend not to have lustful attraction but I do have love.

Is this just the way it is always?

I told you. it's hand in hand for me. For you it isn't. That's ok.

Right, I hear ya. Not trying to persuade you to my side. I'm just very curious about how common it is in the population at large? And, whether it breaks down differently, on average, across gender lines?

OK, so those are different questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think people are missing what I'm saying. I'm not talking about platonic love. I'm talking about deep love in a romantic relationship. Love that involves sacrifice, care, a strong desire to be with this person through thick and thin. That's the type of love I'm talking about. I think it is BOTH being in love and loving. Not trying to make that distinction. What I'm curious about is how common it is for a person to have that love grow deeper and never wane but to have the type of (excuse the lingo "itch in the private parts attraction) wane over time such that if given the choice between your partner and 99 other women to have sex with regularly you'd chose the 99 (even if you -- at one time -- wanted to choose this partner).

My point is that I'm being told that those two thing (those two items of raw attraction and abiding love) go hand-in-hand. And for me, that's NEVER made any sense. In the beginning I never have love for a partner, but I do have lustful attraction. Over time, invariably, I tend not to have lustful attraction but I do have love.

Is this just the way it is always?

Guessing you fear intimacy. Guessing you view women as objects. Guessing that stretch mark you didn’t notice on hot sex date 3 bothers you on date 55 since your view of lust seems a bit stunted. Guessing you don’t want to be tied down and whipped into submission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course.

Yes physical attraction wanes.

This is perfectly normal for both men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think people are missing what I'm saying. I'm not talking about platonic love. I'm talking about deep love in a romantic relationship. Love that involves sacrifice, care, a strong desire to be with this person through thick and thin. That's the type of love I'm talking about. I think it is BOTH being in love and loving. Not trying to make that distinction. What I'm curious about is how common it is for a person to have that love grow deeper and never wane but to have the type of (excuse the lingo "itch in the private parts attraction) wane over time such that if given the choice between your partner and 99 other women to have sex with regularly you'd chose the 99 (even if you -- at one time -- wanted to choose this partner).

My point is that I'm being told that those two thing (those two items of raw attraction and abiding love) go hand-in-hand. And for me, that's NEVER made any sense. In the beginning I never have love for a partner, but I do have lustful attraction. Over time, invariably, I tend not to have lustful attraction but I do have love.

Is this just the way it is always?

Guessing you fear intimacy. Guessing you view women as objects. Guessing that stretch mark you didn’t notice on hot sex date 3 bothers you on date 55 since your view of lust seems a bit stunted. Guessing you don’t want to be tied down and whipped into submission.

You do a lot of guessing, it would seem.

[Anonymous]

With respect to women's attraction to men, the Redpillers call this "Alpha f*cks, beta bucks." Women have lustful attraction to guys who aren't marrying material and a certain long-term fondness for reliable guys who they don't really want to have sex with.

[Anonymous]

Yes and this is how affairs happen. The physical attraction to someone new feels different and is a vicious competitor with stale, stable love.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's not a gender thing. It's probably true of the vast majority of people. But do yourself a favor and don't discuss your lack of attraction or the "99 other women" with your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Man here. I fall in love with a very particular kind of woman in looks and demeanor but can have strong physical attraction to other types

Does the first type resemble your mother? (serious question)

Not at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With respect to women's attraction to men, the Redpillers call this "Alpha f*cks, beta bucks." Women have lustful attraction to guys who aren't marrying material and a certain long-term fondness for reliable guys who they don't really want to have sex with.

And hate groups provide such helpful relationship advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's not a gender thing. It's probably true of the vast majority of people. But do yourself a favor and don't discuss your lack of attraction or the "99 other women" with your wife.

Seriously, without question almost everyone feels stronger attraction to novelty rather than familiarity. Especially men. The biggest difference is, on average, men have a naturally strong drive, so they want to have sex with most women, including their wife. Women who have responsive sex drives, they won't respond to the same old, but only to something new.

Monogamy is hard for everyone, it's just a safer route than open relationships.