Wife lashes out at everyone

[Anonymous]

I think OP's concern is that, in his opinion anyway, his wife's communication style becomes impolite before the situation really calls for it. The situations he describes -- at least in the way he describes it -- seem fairly marginal; but, I've seen this in a lot of people. Instead of being direct & firm, but polite, you get this passive aggressive b.s.

"I don't see what's so hard to understand." Presuming or pretending to presume that they don't understand adds an unnecessary, negative dynamic to the conversation and makes her look like an asshole. Something like, "I am frustrated by your lack of response to my previous inquiries" would be more to the point.

[Anonymous]

Unless she was screaming, she’s being completely reasonable. It’s ok to ask in both situations. She asked nicely twice for the paint. How many tines do you want her to ask? Why didn’t you deal with the matter?
She’s probably got more on her plate than you do if she’s the default parent, and less patience to deal with unresponsive wait staff or apartment managers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's concern is that, in his opinion anyway, his wife's communication style becomes impolite before the situation really calls for it. The situations he describes -- at least in the way he describes it -- seem fairly marginal; but, I've seen this in a lot of people. Instead of being direct & firm, but polite, you get this passive aggressive b.s.

"I don't see what's so hard to understand." Presuming or pretending to presume that they don't understand adds an unnecessary, negative dynamic to the conversation and makes her look like an asshole. Something like, "I am frustrated by your lack of response to my previous inquiries" would be more to the point.

+1 It's draining and uncomfortable to be around someone who needs to put others down to "win". There's a middle ground between @sshole and doormat.

[Anonymous]

My wife would often pretend that the urgency for food had to do with our kids when, really, she was hungry. But, her relationship to food is so messed up she doesn't feel comfortable talking about her own need to eat.

Anyway, assuming the restaurant thing was really about the toddler being hungry, there is polite, middle ground to deal with that. Get any passing server or manager's attention and ask them if you can get some bread or crackers or something to tide the toddler over until the rest of the party arrives. Any restaurant, particularly a nice one, is going to be more than happy to help you out. Keeping toddlers happy is in everyone's best interest, and the servers are going to be well aware of that fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's concern is that, in his opinion anyway, his wife's communication style becomes impolite before the situation really calls for it. The situations he describes -- at least in the way he describes it -- seem fairly marginal; but, I've seen this in a lot of people. Instead of being direct & firm, but polite, you get this passive aggressive b.s.

"I don't see what's so hard to understand." Presuming or pretending to presume that they don't understand adds an unnecessary, negative dynamic to the conversation and makes her look like an asshole. Something like, "I am frustrated by your lack of response to my previous inquiries" would be more to the point.

+1 It's draining and uncomfortable to be around someone who needs to put others down to "win". There's a middle ground between @sshole and doormat.

Road House rules. "Be nice until it's time not to be nice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's concern is that, in his opinion anyway, his wife's communication style becomes impolite before the situation really calls for it. The situations he describes -- at least in the way he describes it -- seem fairly marginal; but, I've seen this in a lot of people. Instead of being direct & firm, but polite, you get this passive aggressive b.s.

"I don't see what's so hard to understand." Presuming or pretending to presume that they don't understand adds an unnecessary, negative dynamic to the conversation and makes her look like an asshole. Something like, "I am frustrated by your lack of response to my previous inquiries" would be more to the point.

+1 It's draining and uncomfortable to be around someone who needs to put others down to "win". There's a middle ground between @sshole and doormat.

All this. Politeness goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

I would have been beyond pissed at the restaurant, too. Your wife was entirely right.

The first situation isn't that bad. If I were you I would butt out.

[Anonymous]

How is your sex life? Some uptight people really need to get laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: How is your sex life? Some uptight people really need to get laid.

I can pretty much guarantee it's bad. If they were having good sex, the wife probably wouldn't be as tense; and for sure OP wouldn't be so critical of his wife even if she was still acting like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today my wife sends an email to our apartment leasing office asking them why they can't understand her previous two emails. She actually wrote something like," I don't know why it's so hard to understand? I've asked for the paint color twice." Apparently she had asked for the paint color in two separate emails and they haven't given her an answer. They told her not to worry about paint touch up because unless we have damaged the walls we won't be charged when we move. And another example- about a week ago she flips out because the server at a restaurant did not get to our table until 20 minutes after we were seated. He was helping tables that were seated after her. I think he was waiting until I arrived but anyway she was beyond pissed about it because our toddler was hungry. The manager ended up paying for our bill and this was a fancy restaurant! How can I get my wife to chill out? She's always stressed.

You sound like my conflict averse husband. He just hates conflict outside of work situations or at home. But sometimes you need to get assertive in certain situations. I would have behaved just like your wife in the above scenarios. I don't mind that my husband is more laid back in cases like these, but I do mind that he also tries to make me feel bad about it. Get off her back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: How is your sex life? Some uptight people really need to get laid.

I can pretty much guarantee it's bad. If they were having good sex, the wife probably wouldn't be as tense; and for sure OP wouldn't be so critical of his wife even if she was still acting like this.

OP here: It's actually really good. My wife has a higher drive. She would be ok with sex two times per per. It's more like 4-5 times per week.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you have a toddler your wife is likely exhausted.What is her daily schedule like? Can you take the toddler out somewhere this weekend and give her a chance to sleep in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have a toddler your wife is likely exhausted.What is her daily schedule like? Can you take the toddler out somewhere this weekend and give her a chance to sleep in?

She's a stay at home mom. Our son sleeps great. He wakes up around 9-10 am every morning. I try to give her the day off but she is never interested. She says she will miss us.

[Anonymous]

This paint thing I don't understand, but yes, at the restaurant, they should've come by way before even if you had not arrived yet. Quite possible you are going to tell us now that they did, because wife had water and the she told the waiter that she was waiting for you.
Maybe they shouldn't have seated anybody unless all were present.
20 minutes is a long time with toddler. She should've spoken up way before. No need to sit there and be upset and the lash out. I'm sure there were plenty of busboys walking past your table in a fancy restaurant. Now the place got a lash-out and also covered your bill. Don't go back to restaurants any time soon or leave your wife home.

[Anonymous]

Waiting for service for 20 minutes alone with a toddler in a high end restaurant is hell - she should have been upset. The paint thing is a non event in my book just frustration after no responses. If you want to end having sex 4-5 times a week just mention that you are pissed at her. Don't blow a good thing!