To those of us who lost babies...would you welcome this thread

[Anonymous]

I lost 3 children. One at 24 weeks and twins at 24.5 weeks. It’s been years but I’ll never forget. We ended up adopting. I love my children so much. One thing I struggle with was the fact that I would not be raising my children now if my bio kids had survived. Sometimes loving my kids feels like I’m doing something wrong because it was only through the deaths of my first children that I was given the opportunity and honor of being mom to these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just lost my baby 20 days ago, though my loss was not "late term." It is still an enormous loss with insurmountable grief.

When my baby died, I lost my child, my dreams for the future, my everything.

I lost the opportunity to celebrate my child's birth.
I lost the opportunity to hear my child's first worda.
I lost the opportunity to see my child walk.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate all birthdays.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate first days of school.
I lost the opportunity to see my child graduate from high school and college.

I lost all my dreams.

It is a pain that has no comparison.

It’s OP - 20 days ago I am so very sorry! My tears right now are for you. I wish I could offer you words of comfort. But, I can’t. I’m human and went through it and it certainly is a pain that has no comparison. It’s like having the wind knocked out of you. If it helps at all, I will be thinking of you today, all day. I’ll be thinking of your child and praying for the peace you will find in time. Take special care of yourself right now.

Thank you.

Sachnday, it's getting a little easier to breathe and smile. I still have a huge cry each morning, but I'm learning to cope. Slowly.

It’s Op- You seem incredibly strong. Stronger than I was at the time. I hope you have good support surrounding you right now. Although, I didn’t really want it because I was drained to the core, it was too hard to even listen to what anyone was saying. Hope posting here made you feel less alone in this time of sorrow. Just going to throw xoxoxo’s your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost 3 children. One at 24 weeks and twins at 24.5 weeks. It’s been years but I’ll never forget. We ended up adopting. I love my children so much. One thing I struggle with was the fact that I would not be raising my children now if my bio kids had survived. Sometimes loving my kids feels like I’m doing something wrong because it was only through the deaths of my first children that I was given the opportunity and honor of being mom to these kids.

Wow - you did nothing wrong. And everything right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just lost my baby 20 days ago, though my loss was not "late term." It is still an enormous loss with insurmountable grief.

When my baby died, I lost my child, my dreams for the future, my everything.

I lost the opportunity to celebrate my child's birth.
I lost the opportunity to hear my child's first worda.
I lost the opportunity to see my child walk.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate all birthdays.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate first days of school.
I lost the opportunity to see my child graduate from high school and college.

I lost all my dreams.

It is a pain that has no comparison.

It’s OP - 20 days ago I am so very sorry! My tears right now are for you. I wish I could offer you words of comfort. But, I can’t. I’m human and went through it and it certainly is a pain that has no comparison. It’s like having the wind knocked out of you. If it helps at all, I will be thinking of you today, all day. I’ll be thinking of your child and praying for the peace you will find in time. Take special care of yourself right now.

Thank you.

Sachnday, it's getting a little easier to breathe and smile. I still have a huge cry each morning, but I'm learning to cope. Slowly.

It’s Op- You seem incredibly strong. Stronger than I was at the time. I hope you have good support surrounding you right now. Although, I didn’t really want it because I was drained to the core, it was too hard to even listen to what anyone was saying. Hope posting here made you feel less alone in this time of sorrow. Just going to throw xoxoxo’s your way.

The first 72 hours were excrutiating. Suffocating. Beyond overwhelming. I absolutely drowning in my grief. I felt as if I couldn't breathe at all. The combination of raging hormones, overwhelming grief, and massive sleep deprivation was just way too much to handle. I couldn't imagine that I'd possibly be able to survive this loss.

The next five days were also extraordinarily difficult, but I felt I could catch my breath a little more often with each passing day. I cried about 12 hours a day, but I was able to semi-function for about 3-5 hours per day.

The following four days were tough, but I was able to breathe. I couldn't yet smile, but I could breathe. I cried about 4-6 hours each day, but I was semi-functional most of the day. I was finally able to do laundry, vacuum, and take care of other chores.

By days 13- 19, things had turned around a little more. I had two crying spells each day, each 30-60 minutes in length, but I felt much more like myself.

Today's actually been a little harder. I'm "faking" my way through the day, but my heart hurts, aches, a lot today. Grief comes in waves, and the waves are a little bigger today than they have been the past several days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost 3 children. One at 24 weeks and twins at 24.5 weeks. It’s been years but I’ll never forget. We ended up adopting. I love my children so much. One thing I struggle with was the fact that I would not be raising my children now if my bio kids had survived. Sometimes loving my kids feels like I’m doing something wrong because it was only through the deaths of my first children that I was given the opportunity and honor of being mom to these kids.

It’s OP-This is unimaginable loss, I am so very sorry. It hurts my heart and at the same time, I feel joy that you and your adopted children found each other. Ya know there are so many proverbial cliches rolling around in my head but none really apply. Circumstances led you to your kids and thank Gd for that. If your bio children were here with you now, you’d love and protect them. You lost and continued to love, that says everything about who you are. You had no control and we don’t know what higher force did. Spiritual thinkers would believe that your 3 children led you to them. It’s hard trying to make sense of it. And even harder when there’s guilt or sorrow attached to it. Years turn into decades, we never forget. That we can continue to love is pretty remarkable. I’m so happy for your family. Peace, continued health and blessings to you all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just lost my baby 20 days ago, though my loss was not "late term." It is still an enormous loss with insurmountable grief.

When my baby died, I lost my child, my dreams for the future, my everything.

I lost the opportunity to celebrate my child's birth.
I lost the opportunity to hear my child's first worda.
I lost the opportunity to see my child walk.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate all birthdays.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate first days of school.
I lost the opportunity to see my child graduate from high school and college.

I lost all my dreams.

It is a pain that has no comparison.

It’s OP - 20 days ago I am so very sorry! My tears right now are for you. I wish I could offer you words of comfort. But, I can’t. I’m human and went through it and it certainly is a pain that has no comparison. It’s like having the wind knocked out of you. If it helps at all, I will be thinking of you today, all day. I’ll be thinking of your child and praying for the peace you will find in time. Take special care of yourself right now.

Thank you.

Sachnday, it's getting a little easier to breathe and smile. I still have a huge cry each morning, but I'm learning to cope. Slowly.

It’s Op- You seem incredibly strong. Stronger than I was at the time. I hope you have good support surrounding you right now. Although, I didn’t really want it because I was drained to the core, it was too hard to even listen to what anyone was saying. Hope posting here made you feel less alone in this time of sorrow. Just going to throw xoxoxo’s your way.

The first 72 hours were excrutiating. Suffocating. Beyond overwhelming. I absolutely drowning in my grief. I felt as if I couldn't breathe at all. The combination of raging hormones, overwhelming grief, and massive sleep deprivation was just way too much to handle. I couldn't imagine that I'd possibly be able to survive this loss.

The next five days were also extraordinarily difficult, but I felt I could catch my breath a little more often with each passing day. I cried about 12 hours a day, but I was able to semi-function for about 3-5 hours per day.

The following four days were tough, but I was able to breathe. I couldn't yet smile, but I could breathe. I cried about 4-6 hours each day, but I was semi-functional most of the day. I was finally able to do laundry, vacuum, and take care of other chores.

By days 13- 19, things had turned around a little more. I had two crying spells each day, each 30-60 minutes in length, but I felt much more like myself.

Today's actually been a little harder. I'm "faking" my way through the day, but my heart hurts, aches, a lot today. Grief comes in waves, and the waves are a little bigger today than they have been the past several days.

OP again - You’re incredible! Suffocating, drowning, crying until exhaustion. Then you have no choice but to breathe. 15 years ago for me, but what you describe is exactly as I remember it. I did hyperventilate when my still born was delivered. I felt like I was suffocating. But, his twin was still inside and because he was a fraternal twin, he would come weeks later. I had to breathe for him, but I couldn’t because I was “ drowning in my grief”. They had to take my stillborn son away and promised I could see him later. I was hysterical begging them to let DH go with them and the baby. I remember crying, don’t let him go alone. I was worried he would be scared and lost and he needed me. Maternal hormones are the real deal. Crying now so must stop typing... I’ll go and fake it through the day with you. Thinking of you xo

[Anonymous]

To the poster from this morning who was happy to find this thread because you lost a baby a few years ago, posted about it on DCUM and it was deleted...this is OP, come back! It seems as if your post from this morning (and my reply) was deleted among some others that were whining about placement of the thread. I hope you do come back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just lost my baby 20 days ago, though my loss was not "late term." It is still an enormous loss with insurmountable grief.

When my baby died, I lost my child, my dreams for the future, my everything.

I lost the opportunity to celebrate my child's birth.
I lost the opportunity to hear my child's first worda.
I lost the opportunity to see my child walk.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate all birthdays.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate first days of school.
I lost the opportunity to see my child graduate from high school and college.

I lost all my dreams.

It is a pain that has no comparison.

It’s OP - 20 days ago I am so very sorry! My tears right now are for you. I wish I could offer you words of comfort. But, I can’t. I’m human and went through it and it certainly is a pain that has no comparison. It’s like having the wind knocked out of you. If it helps at all, I will be thinking of you today, all day. I’ll be thinking of your child and praying for the peace you will find in time. Take special care of yourself right now.

Thank you.

Sachnday, it's getting a little easier to breathe and smile. I still have a huge cry each morning, but I'm learning to cope. Slowly.

It’s Op- You seem incredibly strong. Stronger than I was at the time. I hope you have good support surrounding you right now. Although, I didn’t really want it because I was drained to the core, it was too hard to even listen to what anyone was saying. Hope posting here made you feel less alone in this time of sorrow. Just going to throw xoxoxo’s your way.

The first 72 hours were excrutiating. Suffocating. Beyond overwhelming. I absolutely drowning in my grief. I felt as if I couldn't breathe at all. The combination of raging hormones, overwhelming grief, and massive sleep deprivation was just way too much to handle. I couldn't imagine that I'd possibly be able to survive this loss.

The next five days were also extraordinarily difficult, but I felt I could catch my breath a little more often with each passing day. I cried about 12 hours a day, but I was able to semi-function for about 3-5 hours per day.

The following four days were tough, but I was able to breathe. I couldn't yet smile, but I could breathe. I cried about 4-6 hours each day, but I was semi-functional most of the day. I was finally able to do laundry, vacuum, and take care of other chores.

By days 13- 19, things had turned around a little more. I had two crying spells each day, each 30-60 minutes in length, but I felt much more like myself.

Today's actually been a little harder. I'm "faking" my way through the day, but my heart hurts, aches, a lot today. Grief comes in waves, and the waves are a little bigger today than they have been the past several days.

OP again - You’re incredible! Suffocating, drowning, crying until exhaustion. Then you have no choice but to breathe. 15 years ago for me, but what you describe is exactly as I remember it. I did hyperventilate when my still born was delivered. I felt like I was suffocating. But, his twin was still inside and because he was a fraternal twin, he would come weeks later. I had to breathe for him, but I couldn’t because I was “ drowning in my grief”. They had to take my stillborn son away and promised I could see him later. I was hysterical begging them to let DH go with them and the baby. I remember crying, don’t let him go alone. I was worried he would be scared and lost and he needed me. Maternal hormones are the real deal. Crying now so must stop typing... I’ll go and fake it through the day with you. Thinking of you xo

Thank you.

Many hugs to you. I am so sorry about your son! I don't think it matters if it's been 15 hours, 15 days, 15 months, or 15 years. The pain is still real. It's still unfair. It's still heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree that it is a lonely place because, in my case, I was the only one who knew this child. I felt him, he kicked me, I fed him, I woke him up, he fell asleep inside me. He twisted and turned inside me. When he wanted to stretch out, he used to put his feet right under my liver.
It is lonely and it separates me from my husband and my children. I am strong for my kids, but otherwise, it really sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just lost my baby 20 days ago, though my loss was not "late term." It is still an enormous loss with insurmountable grief.

When my baby died, I lost my child, my dreams for the future, my everything.

I lost the opportunity to celebrate my child's birth.
I lost the opportunity to hear my child's first worda.
I lost the opportunity to see my child walk.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate all birthdays.
I lost the opportunity to celebrate first days of school.
I lost the opportunity to see my child graduate from high school and college.

I lost all my dreams.

It is a pain that has no comparison.

It’s OP - 20 days ago I am so very sorry! My tears right now are for you. I wish I could offer you words of comfort. But, I can’t. I’m human and went through it and it certainly is a pain that has no comparison. It’s like having the wind knocked out of you. If it helps at all, I will be thinking of you today, all day. I’ll be thinking of your child and praying for the peace you will find in time. Take special care of yourself right now.

Thank you.

Sachnday, it's getting a little easier to breathe and smile. I still have a huge cry each morning, but I'm learning to cope. Slowly.

It’s Op- You seem incredibly strong. Stronger than I was at the time. I hope you have good support surrounding you right now. Although, I didn’t really want it because I was drained to the core, it was too hard to even listen to what anyone was saying. Hope posting here made you feel less alone in this time of sorrow. Just going to throw xoxoxo’s your way.

The first 72 hours were excrutiating. Suffocating. Beyond overwhelming. I absolutely drowning in my grief. I felt as if I couldn't breathe at all. The combination of raging hormones, overwhelming grief, and massive sleep deprivation was just way too much to handle. I couldn't imagine that I'd possibly be able to survive this loss.

The next five days were also extraordinarily difficult, but I felt I could catch my breath a little more often with each passing day. I cried about 12 hours a day, but I was able to semi-function for about 3-5 hours per day.

The following four days were tough, but I was able to breathe. I couldn't yet smile, but I could breathe. I cried about 4-6 hours each day, but I was semi-functional most of the day. I was finally able to do laundry, vacuum, and take care of other chores.

By days 13- 19, things had turned around a little more. I had two crying spells each day, each 30-60 minutes in length, but I felt much more like myself.

Today's actually been a little harder. I'm "faking" my way through the day, but my heart hurts, aches, a lot today. Grief comes in waves, and the waves are a little bigger today than they have been the past several days.

OP again - You’re incredible! Suffocating, drowning, crying until exhaustion. Then you have no choice but to breathe. 15 years ago for me, but what you describe is exactly as I remember it. I did hyperventilate when my still born was delivered. I felt like I was suffocating. But, his twin was still inside and because he was a fraternal twin, he would come weeks later. I had to breathe for him, but I couldn’t because I was “ drowning in my grief”. They had to take my stillborn son away and promised I could see him later. I was hysterical begging them to let DH go with them and the baby. I remember crying, don’t let him go alone. I was worried he would be scared and lost and he needed me. Maternal hormones are the real deal. Crying now so must stop typing... I’ll go and fake it through the day with you. Thinking of you xo

Hey guys! Why does it take your breath away? It took me FOUR long years to feel like I was breathing in and out again.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't relate to anything you said. I don't think of myself as having three children, just the two who are alive. I don't think of myself as having "an angel in heaven" or any of that stuff. I moved on. I never think about it except when someone comes along and tells me how I must feel because I lost a pregnancy at 31 weeks. And then all I feel is annoyed. I have to deal with who is HERE. It happened, it sucked, and I moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I don't relate to anything you said. I don't think of myself as having three children, just the two who are alive. I don't think of myself as having "an angel in heaven" or any of that stuff. I moved on. I never think about it except when someone comes along and tells me how I must feel because I lost a pregnancy at 31 weeks. And then all I feel is annoyed. I have to deal with who is HERE. It happened, it sucked, and I moved on.

OK, but you do realize that we are all different right? Please let us mourn without guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I don't relate to anything you said. I don't think of myself as having three children, just the two who are alive. I don't think of myself as having "an angel in heaven" or any of that stuff. I moved on. I never think about it except when someone comes along and tells me how I must feel because I lost a pregnancy at 31 weeks. And then all I feel is annoyed. I have to deal with who is HERE. It happened, it sucked, and I moved on.

OK, but you do realize that we are all different right? Please let us mourn without guilt.

Thank you.

I mourn my baby in a way I can't express in words. And that's okay. What I feel is what I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I don't relate to anything you said. I don't think of myself as having three children, just the two who are alive. I don't think of myself as having "an angel in heaven" or any of that stuff. I moved on. I never think about it except when someone comes along and tells me how I must feel because I lost a pregnancy at 31 weeks. And then all I feel is annoyed. I have to deal with who is HERE. It happened, it sucked, and I moved on.

OK, but you do realize that we are all different right? Please let us mourn without guilt.

Of course we're all different. But just like you're doing here, when I express my feelings on this issue, I am basically shushed, because I don't feel the way the majority of people talking about it seem to feel. Just like I feel zero guilt about my abortion, and in my entire life have only heard one other woman (in person) say she feels the same way.

I was asked if I, as someone who "lost babies" would welcome this thread. I'm allowed to have the answer of "no." Maybe OP phrased it wrong and should have said "If you lost a baby and would like to talk about it, come here to this thread." And then I would have just skipped by it. But that's not what she asked.

[Anonymous]

Funny you would post this today as I was thinking about my daughter that I lost five years ago after I passed by this charter school. I got upset thinking about how she won't get to go to school. Ever.