Divorce side affects on DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very different than if it was a woman saying she was leaving her marriage. Read a few of those threads to get a less sexist view and more balanced responses.

There were a couple threads recently about woman leaving marriages when their kids were teens. Most posters supported the women in leaving.

I realize and appreciate that. But I asked for people’s opinions and I am reading their responses. I may not agree with 100% of what they write.. but someone may point out something that I have not thought of...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably a minority opinion on this...and you may not be inclined to be in a very "generous" frame of mind toward how your wife is feeling/will feel if you are already in place where you are feeling neglected as a husband, etc.

But...I think for me, as a mother, the hardest part of getting divorced would be the visitation of my own children. I cannot imagine the pain of that. (I know, divorced parents get used to it bc they have to.) But this may be why she is asking you to wait 5 years. She gave birth to these kids and cannot imagine having her minor children in her life and home only part time. I know I would have a very very very difficult time with this, regardless of how miserable I felt being married to my DH. And maybe you are okay with visiting your kids, OP...but she is not. Thus the wait 5 years request.

It will still be a huge adjustment for the kids, but their formative years will be behind them, they'll have made it to college and on a path to establishing their own futures. It's a period of transition anyway. Not saying they will LOVE it, but they'll be in a better position to cope with it how THEY choose, rather than at the mercy of custody battles and such.

DD is older than 12.. I have a better connection with my kids than most dads. I do several things around the house to make their lives easy. Plus I have a successful career and accumulated wealth to pay for their education. I would either rent or buy a house within walking distance of our current house just so I can spend time with them. But as they have gotten older.. they have less time for me because they are developing into themselves.

My wife has a job. Even though she doesn’t appreciate what I do or who I work for.. She is will also get half of what I have accumulated.

If we get them involved with therapy would that make it easier?

T think this would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very different than if it was a woman saying she was leaving her marriage. Read a few of those threads to get a less sexist view and more balanced responses.

There were a couple threads recently about woman leaving marriages when their kids were teens. Most posters supported the women in leaving.

I realize and appreciate that. But I asked for people’s opinions and I am reading their responses. I may not agree with 100% of what they write.. but someone may point out something that I have not thought of...

I recall that the threads about women all involved on-going verbal abuse by the H. Not just coldness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman who filed for divorce. My older DD had a temporary dip in grades (B/C), but says she was happier the rest of MS and HS than the years before when things were tense.

I was so relieved when my parents’ divorced. My grades actually went up because they weren’t keeping me up with fighting all night.

The kids are resilient argument means that kids don’t have to be damaged permanently by change. It means that you help your kids to adjust in healthy ways. It doesn’t mean do whatever you want and the kids will be fine. Staying in a toxic marriage can be just as harmful as a bad divorce and much more harmful than a sensible one.

Thank you for sharing

[Anonymous]

It depends on your kid. You have to make a determination about how you believe a divorce would affect your specific child. Some children do fine. Sometimes it is better for a specific child. Divorce sometimes ruins kids lives and has long-term consequences. My brother and I reacted very differently. I was fine at 16, but my 13 year old brother was devastated and it took him almost 20 years to get over it.

Additionally, you don't know what your divorce could turn into. If you think your kid could easily get through an easy divorce, and then it turns into something nasty or things get said that shouldn't get said to the kids or in front of the kids, that could change what you think.

I left my abusive marriage, because I had to. And because I married my father, realized my mother married someone like her father, and I wanted to give my daughter a chance at having a healthy relationship by modeling good relationships. She's taken it okay. I left when she was 4 and she's 6 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very different than if it was a woman saying she was leaving her marriage. Read a few of those threads to get a less sexist view and more balanced responses.

There were a couple threads recently about woman leaving marriages when their kids were teens. Most posters supported the women in leaving.

I realize and appreciate that. But I asked for people’s opinions and I am reading their responses. I may not agree with 100% of what they write.. but someone may point out something that I have not thought of...

I recall that the threads about women all involved on-going verbal abuse by the H. Not just coldness.

My DW is not the nicest person to me. Critical and negative feedback on things that just do not make sense. There is emotional, verbal, and etc abuse. DW is not a happy person. The only joy they she seems to get is from her kids. I asked and recommended but she will not seek help. There are several things that I just can’t write because it may make it too easy for people that know us to recognize us.

[Anonymous]

My husband's kids have serious relationship issues because of the crap their mom put them through divorcing Dad. You will no longer be parenting your kids in less you have 50/50 and then you will only see them 50/50. Is that really best for them? Yes, you are partly divorcing them. We get it, you want to be with someone else or are having an affair and want to move on. Easier than fixing what is going on and who cares what impact it has on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very different than if it was a woman saying she was leaving her marriage. Read a few of those threads to get a less sexist view and more balanced responses.

There were a couple threads recently about woman leaving marriages when their kids were teens. Most posters supported the women in leaving.

I realize and appreciate that. But I asked for people’s opinions and I am reading their responses. I may not agree with 100% of what they write.. but someone may point out something that I have not thought of...

I recall that the threads about women all involved on-going verbal abuse by the H. Not just coldness.

My DW is not the nicest person to me. Critical and negative feedback on things that just do not make sense. There is emotional, verbal, and etc abuse. DW is not a happy person. The only joy they she seems to get is from her kids. I asked and recommended but she will not seek help. There are several things that I just can’t write because it may make it too easy for people that know us to recognize us.

The real question is what are you doing to upset her and how are you making the relationship work. You put 100% of the issues on her. She is not happy for a reason and it is probably your behavior. You need to make the effort first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole “kids are resilient” line is crap that parents tell themselves to justify their decisions.

The whole “stay in a bad household for the kids” line is crap that religious psychos tell other people to validate their own bad decisions to stay and suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's kids have serious relationship issues because of the crap their mom put them through divorcing Dad. You will no longer be parenting your kids in less you have 50/50 and then you will only see them 50/50. Is that really best for them? Yes, you are partly divorcing them. We get it, you want to be with someone else or are having an affair and want to move on. Easier than fixing what is going on and who cares what impact it has on others.

It is interesting when people suggest that I can just “fix” my broken marriage. I suggested that DW get help for her depression.. she said no. Topic of Divorce came up.. she still said no. Would I like to find a partner and friend to spread the rest of my life with YES. My current DW has demonstrated that she does not want to be that person. I am concerned that if I was not living in the house... who would do laundry, dishes and all of the task that I do.. DW would have to come out of her room more to do things.. I do not see how my marriage is fixable. Help me understand what a “fixed” marriage looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very different than if it was a woman saying she was leaving her marriage. Read a few of those threads to get a less sexist view and more balanced responses.

There were a couple threads recently about woman leaving marriages when their kids were teens. Most posters supported the women in leaving.

I realize and appreciate that. But I asked for people’s opinions and I am reading their responses. I may not agree with 100% of what they write.. but someone may point out something that I have not thought of...

I recall that the threads about women all involved on-going verbal abuse by the H. Not just coldness.

My DW is not the nicest person to me. Critical and negative feedback on things that just do not make sense. There is emotional, verbal, and etc abuse. DW is not a happy person. The only joy they she seems to get is from her kids. I asked and recommended but she will not seek help. There are several things that I just can’t write because it may make it too easy for people that know us to recognize us.

The real question is what are you doing to upset her and how are you making the relationship work. You put 100% of the issues on her. She is not happy for a reason and it is probably your behavior. You need to make the effort first.

DW has classic depression. More so after her mom died. She will not get help. Seriously..How is that on me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very different than if it was a woman saying she was leaving her marriage. Read a few of those threads to get a less sexist view and more balanced responses.

There were a couple threads recently about woman leaving marriages when their kids were teens. Most posters supported the women in leaving.

I realize and appreciate that. But I asked for people’s opinions and I am reading their responses. I may not agree with 100% of what they write.. but someone may point out something that I have not thought of...

I recall that the threads about women all involved on-going verbal abuse by the H. Not just coldness.

My DW is not the nicest person to me. Critical and negative feedback on things that just do not make sense. There is emotional, verbal, and etc abuse. DW is not a happy person. The only joy they she seems to get is from her kids. I asked and recommended but she will not seek help. There are several things that I just can’t write because it may make it too easy for people that know us to recognize us.

The real question is what are you doing to upset her and how are you making the relationship work. You put 100% of the issues on her. She is not happy for a reason and it is probably your behavior. You need to make the effort first.

DW has classic depression. More so after her mom died. She will not get help. Seriously..How is that on me?

So you really think divorcing your depressed wife who lies in bed and does nothing is going to help your children? How? She will get 50% custody, depressed or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's kids have serious relationship issues because of the crap their mom put them through divorcing Dad. You will no longer be parenting your kids in less you have 50/50 and then you will only see them 50/50. Is that really best for them? Yes, you are partly divorcing them. We get it, you want to be with someone else or are having an affair and want to move on. Easier than fixing what is going on and who cares what impact it has on others.

It is interesting when people suggest that I can just “fix” my broken marriage. I suggested that DW get help for her depression.. she said no. Topic of Divorce came up.. she still said no. Would I like to find a partner and friend to spread the rest of my life with YES. My current DW has demonstrated that she does not want to be that person. I am concerned that if I was not living in the house... who would do laundry, dishes and all of the task that I do.. DW would have to come out of her room more to do things.. I do not see how my marriage is fixable. Help me understand what a “fixed” marriage looks like.

You are not willing to fix your marriage by working on it and rebuilding your relationship with her. Depression isn't the issue, your relationship is. My husband has untreated depression. Its not an issue and we are both supportive of the other's health issue. Bottomline is you are either having an affair or planning to have one and want to blame her as a justification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is very different than if it was a woman saying she was leaving her marriage. Read a few of those threads to get a less sexist view and more balanced responses.

There were a couple threads recently about woman leaving marriages when their kids were teens. Most posters supported the women in leaving.

I realize and appreciate that. But I asked for people’s opinions and I am reading their responses. I may not agree with 100% of what they write.. but someone may point out something that I have not thought of...

I recall that the threads about women all involved on-going verbal abuse by the H. Not just coldness.

My DW is not the nicest person to me. Critical and negative feedback on things that just do not make sense. There is emotional, verbal, and etc abuse. DW is not a happy person. The only joy they she seems to get is from her kids. I asked and recommended but she will not seek help. There are several things that I just can’t write because it may make it too easy for people that know us to recognize us.

The real question is what are you doing to upset her and how are you making the relationship work. You put 100% of the issues on her. She is not happy for a reason and it is probably your behavior. You need to make the effort first.

DW has classic depression. More so after her mom died. She will not get help. Seriously..How is that on me?

So you really think divorcing your depressed wife who lies in bed and does nothing is going to help your children? How? She will get 50% custody, depressed or not.

Her mental health and what formed her is the core issue. To most people she seems “normal”. She has a successful career. How do I fix that? Especially when she will not take the steps needed. Ironically, with her education and mental ability she would successfully fight any I tried to legally make her do.

[Anonymous]

My parents divorced while I was in high school. While I had a room at my dad's house I appreciated he didn't insist on me shuttling back and forth. I stayed with my mom through high school and ended up staying with my dad when I came home from college to visit.

If you minimize disruption to kid and don't trash each other it's not end of the world