Ex husband skipping the country

[Anonymous]

Our child support agreement was written in such a way that he didn't have to pay me until after I it equalled $20k because I got the house, and didn't have the $20k he was demanding. He quit his well paying job just as he hit that threshold and now is skipping the country.

I just got word that my mother is dying and I have to figure out a way to get halfway across the country to her before she does. I don't have the time or energy to deal with this in the manner I should. But thank you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex husband is leaving the country and will not give more information than the continent he will be on. No return date, no number if there is an emergency, nothing. We have joint legal custody. Is there any recourse? He sprung this on me today and is leaving sometime next week. I believe this is so he can avoid child support.

He's allowed to leave the country. There's nothing you can do unless he stops paying child support. I doubt he would kidnap the children. Think about it. If he were going to try and evade child support he wouldn't tell you he was leaving. OP I think he is done with you and letting you know he's moved on.

If it makes you feel better you can talk to a lawyer, but clearly he hasn't done anything illegal. Also, if he isn't going to have the kids with him why would you need an emergency number? I assume you have his cell number.

[Anonymous]

If he move to another country I would say it would be worth it to be rid of him. You'll have the kids f/t minus the headache.

Think carefully OP. If he's that bad better he's out of everyone's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he move to another country I would say it would be worth it to be rid of him. You'll have the kids f/t minus the headache.

Think carefully OP. If he's that bad better he's out of everyone's life.

That's a nice thought, but his children are entitled and need child support. He can leave the country, but he doesn't get to opt out on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child support agreement was written in such a way that he didn't have to pay me until after I it equalled $20k because I got the house, and didn't have the $20k he was demanding. He quit his well paying job just as he hit that threshold and now is skipping the country.

I just got word that my mother is dying and I have to figure out a way to get halfway across the country to her before she does. I don't have the time or energy to deal with this in the manner I should. But thank you all.

Quitting his job is not an excuse that a judge would look as an appropriate excuse to stop paying child support.

I'm sorry that your mother is not doing well. At the very least, email your ex and let him know that leaving the country and quitting his job are not valid reasons to stop any child support. Something like...

Dear Larlo:

You shared with me on June 16, 2018 that you were leaving the country. According to our signed agreement, child support payment in the amount of $____ is due on ______. Should you choose to withhold any payments, I will follow-up with a lawyer and the appropriate law enforcement which may jeopardize your return to the US.

Have a safe trip.

Madge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why everyone is recommending you file for a change in custody now. It sounds like you already have an order so he couldn't remove the kids if he wanted to. Seems like you'd get a much more favorable outcome if you waited a few months and then tried to modify custody due to his non-involvement.

NP here. Because when he is out of the country and does not have any contact information for her, she needs to have sole guardianship and legal decision making power over her children. If she needs to travel or move the children out of state or out of the country, she needs to be able to do so without having a question of where the other legal guardian of her children are and whether he approves. If she needs to make medical or legal decisions, she needs it to be clear that she has sole custody and sole decision power to make such decisions without having a delay due to another legal guardian whose permission needs to be acquired. It's not so much that he is leaving the country, but that he is not providing her with any contact information to access him if needed.

There are tons of legal issues, most of which will hopefully will not become her issues, but if they do, they are major headaches if he is not accessible to grant his approval or concurrence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child support agreement was written in such a way that he didn't have to pay me until after I it equalled $20k because I got the house, and didn't have the $20k he was demanding. He quit his well paying job just as he hit that threshold and now is skipping the country.

I just got word that my mother is dying and I have to figure out a way to get halfway across the country to her before she does. I don't have the time or energy to deal with this in the manner I should. But thank you all.

First, I'm sorry about your mother, OP. Truly stressful days for you.

Re: The ex: Your post above is confusing. So he owes you $20K or you owe him? (post mentions he doesn't pay you until a certain point but the post says "the $20K HE was demanding"....) I think the typing got garbled. Either way it's clear he had a job that paid well and quit--was it sudden? That makes me think he possibly has money squirreled away somewhere you don't know about, and he has planned to use it to live overseas or just disappear within the US. The fact he told you he's leaving may be his attempt to prevent you from looking for him for a while--long enough that he can vanish before you go after him (not that you actually would try to locate him, it's just that he may be thinking you would). I have a friend whose father just vanished after a similar, vague announcement and who turned out to have been hiding money for years so his ex-wife and children couldn't get any of it. Years of child support that was greatly less than he should have paid.

Definitely get a lawyer ASAP and find out about custody now. If you travel to your mother but don't take your children, with whom would they stay? I know you've said he doesn't seem interested in them or in taking them but of you were away, wouldn't he have the legal right to pick them up from anyone who isn't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child support agreement was written in such a way that he didn't have to pay me until after I it equalled $20k because I got the house, and didn't have the $20k he was demanding. He quit his well paying job just as he hit that threshold and now is skipping the country.

I just got word that my mother is dying and I have to figure out a way to get halfway across the country to her before she does. I don't have the time or energy to deal with this in the manner I should. But thank you all.

At some point, if he comes back he will still owe you the money. If he is not taking the kids during his time, you pack up the kids and take them to your mom's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child support agreement was written in such a way that he didn't have to pay me until after I it equalled $20k because I got the house, and didn't have the $20k he was demanding. He quit his well paying job just as he hit that threshold and now is skipping the country.

I just got word that my mother is dying and I have to figure out a way to get halfway across the country to her before she does. I don't have the time or energy to deal with this in the manner I should. But thank you all.

What state is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't use an attorney for the divorce but I will call a friend who is a former judge. He is not working for anyone at the moment. Quit his job recently and made plans to leave for a cheap country where he can live off his savings for a while.
He dislikes the kids so I am not worried about his taking them. Especially since I have them with me, in another state.

WTH "He dislikes the kids". I missed this part earlier. You seem pretty sure going by this post that is his plan. Is it possible he's merely planning to visit then return and look for a job?

If he doesn't like his kids I'd let him go and good riddance. He's doing more damage to the kids if he's around. Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Reason number 29834298572539 to the ladies as to why it's a bad idea to "oops" a man.

Spoiler: He doesn't always "love it when it's here."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex husband is leaving the country and will not give more information than the continent he will be on. No return date, no number if there is an emergency, nothing. We have joint legal custody. Is there any recourse? He sprung this on me today and is leaving sometime next week. I believe this is so he can avoid child support.

Never ever marry an h1b

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child support agreement was written in such a way that he didn't have to pay me until after I it equalled $20k because I got the house, and didn't have the $20k he was demanding. He quit his well paying job just as he hit that threshold and now is skipping the country.

I just got word that my mother is dying and I have to figure out a way to get halfway across the country to her before she does. I don't have the time or energy to deal with this in the manner I should. But thank you all.

I read this to mean that they agreed she would buy him out of the house instead of selling it and splitting the proceeds. She couldn't afford it up front so instead he has a $20k credit against his child support obligations. This credit is just recently expended.

That implies he hasn't been paying to date and OP can manage without it. I'm NOT saying she shouldn't pursue the support but in terms of priorities maybe it is third after legal custody and her Mom.

Sorry about your mom, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex husband is leaving the country and will not give more information than the continent he will be on. No return date, no number if there is an emergency, nothing. We have joint legal custody. Is there any recourse? He sprung this on me today and is leaving sometime next week. I believe this is so he can avoid child support.

Never ever marry an h1b

+1. Doesn’t end well

[Anonymous]

His biggest mistake was warning OP.

OP will likely not see a penny of child support, and forget about help for college or inheritances. Whatever country he goes to, if OP pursues him, he can hire a lawyer in that country to fight and delay a support order, and when an order gets close he'll just move to another country. That's ii he goes to a civilized country. At least 55 countries won'r recognize any American court order. A number of those countries will give him a passport in 2-5 years.