Is it ever ok to ask a host if you can bring uninvited people with you?

[Anonymous]

Here's how I would approach this: "Hey host, I would love to come but it turns out my family/friends are in town that weekend." If the host is ok with additional guests, they will say "Just bring them along!" But if not, this gives the host and out and the ability to say "We'll miss you" if they'd rather not invite strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I'm reading this. We were invited to a 4th of July party (My family of 5) and I was going to ask the host of I may bring my mom because she is staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. I was hesitating and now I will just delcine and do something with my mom.

That's just so sad to me, I'd much rather have an additional guest that have someone decline.

Would you rather have 5 additional guests?

Its ONE not 5. A person or two versus a family who are strangers is a much different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The uninvited family is local, not out of town friends or family of the invited family. And its a whole family of 5, not 1-2 people like an out of town grandparent or something.

Why do you think the person is asking if she can invite them? Is she trying to include them in your group of friends?

[Anonymous]

If they are good friends, good friends would rather you ask (even if for some odd reason their answer was "no", though I can't imagine), they would rather you ask, than change your plans and not come.

[Anonymous]

Never okay to ask. I agree the best approach is, "sorry, we can't attend because we have guests visiting us that weekend."

I've had to say this multiple times to decline invites and almost every time the host has come back with a, "well, if you don't already have plans, please bring them!" The exceptions were dinner party events where seating was limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The uninvited family is local, not out of town friends or family of the invited family. And its a whole family of 5, not 1-2 people like an out of town grandparent or something.

Why do you think the person is asking if she can invite them? Is she trying to include them in your group of friends?

I don't know. I guess they are good friends of the person who did the asking. I personally don't think this is relevant. I personally would be able to say no (although I'd still be annoyed) but my hosting friend is a pushover/doormat and I'm sure is going to say yes even though she was clear to me she didn't want to. Which is why I think its rude - you are putting the burden on the host to say yes/no and I don't think this is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I'm reading this. We were invited to a 4th of July party (My family of 5) and I was going to ask the host of I may bring my mom because she is staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. I was hesitating and now I will just delcine and do something with my mom.

That's just so sad to me, I'd much rather have an additional guest that have someone decline.

Would you rather have 5 additional guests?

Its ONE not 5. A person or two versus a family who are strangers is a much different situation.

I was talking about the OP - you know, the topic we are all discussing. Its a family, not one person. Try to focus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is hosting a family cookout in a couple of weeks for a few families. This friend recently told me that one of the invited families asked if she could bring another uninvited family with her. My friend doesn't know this other family except in passing and does not want to say yes. But she feels that she will seem rude saying no. But I feel it was SO RUDE of the person who asked this in the first place. I don't think this is ever ok.

I think its okay if you want to politely decline an invite saying, "We would love to come but unfortunately already have plans with X." Then, if the host is so inclined, they could say, "oh bring them with you!" but that is totally different than calling up and asking directly.

Thoughts?

Is your friend always this gossipy?

[Anonymous]

I think it depends. It depends on the relationship, depends on the size of the party, the occasion for the party, on how much notice is given, the motivation for bringing the extra people, etc.

We throw large parties a few times a year (100+ people). Often they are around holidays (the typical Halloween, Memorial Day, Labor Day, July 4th, etc.). Numerous times friends have asked if they could bring another family. With advance notice, and if it's a good reason, it makes sense and I'm not put off. A couple of good reasons:

- The obvious "We have friends visiting from out of town".
- "So & So is new to the area/neighborhood and we're trying to help them meet people"
- "Dave lost his wife to cancer and we'd like to include him and his kids"

Simply that you like someone that is not invited is not a sufficient reason. I see this as well and it is off-putting.

[Anonymous]

I would say no if it changes the dynamic of the event. For instance, a party for close friends and someone asks to bring their friends who don’t know anyone in the group. Or a party like NYE where it’s likely people will be drinking and letting loose and someone wants to bring their elderly relative. If it changes the spirit of which the event was intended then I would say no. For other situations I may feel put upon but if it’s one more kid at a kid event then I would say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend is hosting a family cookout in a couple of weeks for a few families. This friend recently told me that one of the invited families asked if she could bring another uninvited family with her. My friend doesn't know this other family except in passing and does not want to say yes. But she feels that she will seem rude saying no. But I feel it was SO RUDE of the person who asked this in the first place. I don't think this is ever ok.

I think its okay if you want to politely decline an invite saying, "We would love to come but unfortunately already have plans with X." Then, if the host is so inclined, they could say, "oh bring them with you!" but that is totally different than calling up and asking directly.

Thoughts?

Is your friend always this gossipy?

What? That is not gossip. She is my good friend and was asking confidential advice about a tricky situation. She does not want to host additional people but doesn't know how to say no. Friends discuss tricky situations with their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The uninvited family is local, not out of town friends or family of the invited family. And its a whole family of 5, not 1-2 people like an out of town grandparent or something.

Why do you think the person is asking if she can invite them? Is she trying to include them in your group of friends?

I don't know. I guess they are good friends of the person who did the asking. I personally don't think this is relevant. I personally would be able to say no (although I'd still be annoyed) but my hosting friend is a pushover/doormat and I'm sure is going to say yes even though she was clear to me she didn't want to. Which is why I think its rude - you are putting the burden on the host to say yes/no and I don't think this is right.

You’re responding to me, so thanks even though you don’t think it is relevant . I do think it’s weird the person asked here. I’m a pushover so would probably say YES but I would probably think twice before inviting that original guest again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I'm reading this. We were invited to a 4th of July party (My family of 5) and I was going to ask the host of I may bring my mom because she is staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. I was hesitating and now I will just delcine and do something with my mom.

As a host, I would think this is perfectly reasonable request and I'd be happy for your mom to join. I think the key is that it's just ONE more person and someone who is visiting you. The OP's example is one family asking to invite another family. That's too many people to ask, and the other's family attendance presumably has no bearing on whether or not the invited family can attend.

[Anonymous]

If it's one extra person, and especially if they're visiting from out of town, yes, nothing wrong with asking to bring them.

To ask to bring a whole family is never cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The uninvited family is local, not out of town friends or family of the invited family. And its a whole family of 5, not 1-2 people like an out of town grandparent or something.

Why do you think the person is asking if she can invite them? Is she trying to include them in your group of friends?

I don't know. I guess they are good friends of the person who did the asking. I personally don't think this is relevant. I personally would be able to say no (although I'd still be annoyed) but my hosting friend is a pushover/doormat and I'm sure is going to say yes even though she was clear to me she didn't want to. Which is why I think its rude - you are putting the burden on the host to say yes/no and I don't think this is right.

You’re responding to me, so thanks even though you don’t think it is relevant . I do think it’s weird the person asked here. I’m a pushover so would probably say YES but I would probably think twice before inviting that original guest again.

I didn't mean to be rude (honestly.) I just meant that even if someone has a "good reason" I still think its rude to ask.