Allowing your child to date???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15-16 has worked well for my family. As a teacher, I can tell you that not much actual dating occurs anymore. The trend seems to be just friends turning into intense romantic relationships. Duration and sexual activity vary widely.

This is my concern too. My 15 yr/old explains that real dating seems to be reserved for upper classmen in HS. I would much prefer my DD go on an actual date than just make-out at a party or declare yourself a "thing" because you text each other frequently (both of which seem to be much more common). Teens need to learn about interacting in person and that those interactions matter.

What are your concerns about dating specifically. Distraction from school work? The kids don't identify sexual activity with "dating" necessarily. So you need to think about what specific message you are trying to convey and make sure you are communicating it sufficiently. Ask you DD what "dating means" in her world; what if kids have a mutual crush on each other and everyone knows it . . . are the "dating"? What is "talking"? What is and "official couple"? You'll soon find out your labels and hers may not be the same. You can't prevent a mutual crush and the kids may label that something. So, open dialogue may be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

My son, almost 16, had his grades go UP when he started dating his current girlfriend. I'm thrilled, she is terrific, as is her family (we have met mom, dad, and siblings, since they can't drive and we always stop in and visit at drop off and pick-up, as do they).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 8th grade and she is hinting to me that she may like someone or that they are dating. I'm not sure what to do, I have made it very clear that I don't want her dating until college so that she can focus on her studies. She doesn't have any classes with this boy she is "dating". And I'm worried that they both might do something that they are too young for. My daughter's grades are OK they can improve but they are certainly not bad. Advice anyone???

When you say "dating", what do you mean?

When your daughter says "dating", what does she mean?

It's likely that the two of you are using the same word to refer to different things.

[Anonymous]

Not dating until college - are you insane? What does that even mean? Can she not go to the movies with a group of mixed gendered teens? If so she will be dating. If you have this ‘no dating rule’ it just means that you will never meet the boy she is dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents made it clear that I wasn't "allowed" to date until college... and I didn't date until college. Am I the only person who was not interested in rebellion? I don't remember this as even being a point of conflict. High school boys are sort of gross and immature (although I know there are exceptions).

Sounds weird and emotionally stunted of all of you, yes. But if you wanted an excuse not to dare you got one and that worked for you.
My DD is a straight A student and is finishing HS at the top of her class (so she definitely studies) and if I had told her to study and that she can’t date so that she can focus on her school work she would have very loudly told me to go pound sand and most likely murdered me in my sleep. These are almost adults you can offer guidance but not boss them around like they are 8 years old. Unless you have a very compliant teen but honestly that would worry me - how will that child do when they are on their own?

[Anonymous]

Don't make her wait until college. As someone who went to college a complete wallflower, navigating the dating world would have been so much easier had I had some practice in high school.

[Anonymous]

I didn't date until after high school, but it was my choice. If I wanted to date in high school I could have, I just wasn't interested in it. I was a geeky book worm and the high school boys didn't know how to interact with me. I found my now husband at 19 and we have been together for 10 years and are extremely happy. I will say I have no regrets for not dating in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't date until after high school, but it was my choice. If I wanted to date in high school I could have, I just wasn't interested in it. I was a geeky book worm and the high school boys didn't know how to interact with me. I found my now husband at 19 and we have been together for 10 years and are extremely happy. I will say I have no regrets for not dating in high school.

That was your choice. You were allowed to date and chose not.

[Anonymous]

My daughters both know there is no dating until graduate school.

[Anonymous]

Let her start dating at 15/16 OP. My parents didn't let me date until college, and it took a while for me to catch up socially.

Not to say this would happen to your daughter, but the biggest thing would be for your daughter to hold off having sex until he is 18 and using birth control. Dating is fine, as long as she understands the realities of sex. Trying to lick her up until college is not going to protect her in the long term.

If she is serious about academics and career, she will put that first. If not, it will fall be the wayside later anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Should be "she is 18"

[Anonymous]

OP sorry you are going through so early. My son didn’t have his first girlfriend until he had just turned 17. But he is a boy. Girls mature differently and more quickly. Eighth grade is young for dating, however she can have a friend that is of the opposite sex. Don’t try to prohibit the friendship or she will start sneaking and Then you will really have sonething to worry about. I would let her have him over to watch movies or do homework. Or let them go to a movie. All of this is pretty tame. Assuming she is not part of the “fast” crowd, it should be fine. Believe me when I say, you should encourage her to have a monogamous relationship. I know of some girls who don’t, and they are hooking up all over the place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughters both know there is no dating until graduate school.

[Anonymous]

My current husband and I started dating in 8th grade. Is this what your afraid of OP? Both of us have college degrees, good jobs, and have been happily married for 9 years.

[Anonymous]

You cannot compare ours vs theirs. So stop that.

16 3/4 almost 17 is fine to start. They group up now. Focus on school. Busy her if she’s not busy enough. Dating in 8th grade now should be a gigantic red flag!