Allowing your child to date???
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Anonymous
| My daughter is in 8th grade and she is hinting to me that she may like someone or that they are dating. I'm not sure what to do, I have made it very clear that I don't want her dating until college so that she can focus on her studies. She doesn't have any classes with this boy she is "dating". And I'm worried that they both might do something that they are too young for. My daughter's grades are OK they can improve but they are certainly not bad. Advice anyone??? |
Anonymous
| I think college is too late, you may want to reconsider and allow her to date at least at 16. Do you really want her first experience dating/dealing with guys to be in college when she's away from home and there is so much on the line? |
Anonymous
|
It's interesting how you make the assumption that dating leads to a drop in grades. Is she expected to spend every free moment of her nights and weekends studying?
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Anonymous
| My parents didn't allow me to date until college. I had 2 serious boyfriends in high school. I just didn't tell them. |
Anonymous
Yep, that's how it usually works out. |
Anonymous
| What age did you start dating OP? |
Anonymous
|
I don’t think it should be your choice whether she dates before college. You are trying to raise a human being, not a machine for taking tests.
All you are doing is ensuring that she knows that she cannot confide in you. |
Anonymous
| My parents made it clear that I wasn't "allowed" to date until college... and I didn't date until college. Am I the only person who was not interested in rebellion? I don't remember this as even being a point of conflict. High school boys are sort of gross and immature (although I know there are exceptions). |
Anonymous
Maybe you had no desire to date in high school so it was different, but for those of us who did I wouldn't call desiring to date and making it happen "rebellion", more like normal development. |
Anonymous
| OP, you’re being unreasonable. High school girls will have crushes, dates, and boyfriends, with or without your approval and/or knowledge. If she learns to keep her social life a secret from you now, don’t expect that it’ll ever change. You can set reasonable restrictions and build trust and communication with your daughter that will make her more likely to adhere to your values about things like sex while dating. Or you can be unreasonable and have no meaningful influence over her choices. It’s up to you. |
Anonymous
| You can't do anything to keep her from liking a boy. Whether you call it "dating" or not is irrelevant. |
Anonymous
I was the same. Well they didn't forbid it, i just have the desire too. I never rebelled either, nothing to rebel against |
Anonymous
I mean, I was definitely interested in boys and I even told them about my crushes, went with boys to prom, but the expectation was clear that it was not time for a relationship and I understood that and it was not a big deal. It also doesn't seem like an inherently unreasonable expectation either to me now. High school is hard enough with navigating relationships and grades and learning to drive and be more independent, etc. |
Anonymous
| 15-16 has worked well for my family. As a teacher, I can tell you that not much actual dating occurs anymore. The trend seems to be just friends turning into intense romantic relationships. Duration and sexual activity vary widely. |
Anonymous
| Even my conservative asian parents let me date when I was 17, even though my mom barely tolerated him. |