DH’s sister is an addict

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have tons of sympathy for victims of the opioid crisis. But, enabling is not helping. Close your wallet and avoid these situations.

OP here - the majority of opioid addicts got the drugs from friends and relatives, not doctors. I am not even sure why they deserve sympathy for self-induced addictions. Reality is hard to deal with and some people choose the easy way out.

Yes, you are very correct OP: opioid addicts by and large get their drugs from friends and relatives. AND there are definite precursors to this that set folks up for addiction. From Scientific American:
“If we want to reduce opioid addiction, we have to target the real risk factors for it: child trauma, mental illness and unemployment. Two thirds of people with opioid addictions have had at least one severely traumatic childhood experience, and the greater your exposure to different types of trauma, the higher the risk becomes. We need to help abused, neglected and otherwise traumatized children before they turn to drugs for self-medicatation when they hit their teens.”

I would invite you to try to set aside some of your anger and judgment. No one wakes up and decides to be an addict. Your husband and his sister grew up in the same household, but each of them had their own experience. I would bet my paycheck that there was trauma of some kind. Each of us can react to trauma in our own, different way.
By no means am I saying that you should be supporting her financially. What I’m saying is that this is more complex than a lapse in character.
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/opioid-addiction-is-a-huge-problem-but-pain-prescriptions-are-not-the-cause/

Oh get over yourself. I'm sure some addicts had traumatic backgrounds but so many are overly-coddled, hedonistic over-grown children. Stop romanticizing these losers.

+1. I can never get why addicts who didn't have any health problems want to do these things to themselves. It's one thing if it was some Baby Boomer who was recovering from surgery who got addicted to painkillers but all these supposedly young addicts who just experimented out of stupidity? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have tons of sympathy for victims of the opioid crisis. But, enabling is not helping. Close your wallet and avoid these situations.

OP here - the majority of opioid addicts got the drugs from friends and relatives, not doctors. I am not even sure why they deserve sympathy for self-induced addictions. Reality is hard to deal with and some people choose the easy way out.

Yes, you are very correct OP: opioid addicts by and large get their drugs from friends and relatives. AND there are definite precursors to this that set folks up for addiction. From Scientific American:
“If we want to reduce opioid addiction, we have to target the real risk factors for it: child trauma, mental illness and unemployment. Two thirds of people with opioid addictions have had at least one severely traumatic childhood experience, and the greater your exposure to different types of trauma, the higher the risk becomes. We need to help abused, neglected and otherwise traumatized children before they turn to drugs for self-medicatation when they hit their teens.”

I would invite you to try to set aside some of your anger and judgment. No one wakes up and decides to be an addict. Your husband and his sister grew up in the same household, but each of them had their own experience. I would bet my paycheck that there was trauma of some kind. Each of us can react to trauma in our own, different way.
By no means am I saying that you should be supporting her financially. What I’m saying is that this is more complex than a lapse in character.
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/opioid-addiction-is-a-huge-problem-but-pain-prescriptions-are-not-the-cause/

Oh get over yourself. I'm sure some addicts had traumatic backgrounds but so many are overly-coddled, hedonistic over-grown children. Stop romanticizing these losers.

+1. I can never get why addicts who didn't have any health problems want to do these things to themselves. It's one thing if it was some Baby Boomer who was recovering from surgery who got addicted to painkillers but all these supposedly young addicts who just experimented out of stupidity? No.

Did you even read the quoted article? Clearly not because your post shows a gross misunderstanding of what’s been going on.
Childhood trauma/abuse/mental illness untreated can lead to seeking out recreational drug/alcohol use as a teen to deal with aforementioned trauma/abuse/mental illness that then can lead to opioid addiction as a young adult.

The healthy person with no untreated trauma/abuse/mental illness has back surgery and is given opioids is HIGHLY unlikely to get addicted.
However the physically healthy young person may be just that, but have a whole host of mental health issues that are untreated. The likelihood of that seemingly “healthy” young person getting addicted to opioids with just a little bit of use is quite high.

[Anonymous]

Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But why should OP have to help her in-laws when they put themselves in a financial black hole because of DH's sister's drug habit?

+1

Cut off the addict or force her to live with the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have tons of sympathy for victims of the opioid crisis. But, enabling is not helping. Close your wallet and avoid these situations.

OP here - the majority of opioid addicts got the drugs from friends and relatives, not doctors. I am not even sure why they deserve sympathy for self-induced addictions. Reality is hard to deal with and some people choose the easy way out.

Yes, you are very correct OP: opioid addicts by and large get their drugs from friends and relatives. AND there are definite precursors to this that set folks up for addiction. From Scientific American:
“If we want to reduce opioid addiction, we have to target the real risk factors for it: child trauma, mental illness and unemployment. Two thirds of people with opioid addictions have had at least one severely traumatic childhood experience, and the greater your exposure to different types of trauma, the higher the risk becomes. We need to help abused, neglected and otherwise traumatized children before they turn to drugs for self-medicatation when they hit their teens.”

I would invite you to try to set aside some of your anger and judgment. No one wakes up and decides to be an addict. Your husband and his sister grew up in the same household, but each of them had their own experience. I would bet my paycheck that there was trauma of some kind. Each of us can react to trauma in our own, different way.
By no means am I saying that you should be supporting her financially. What I’m saying is that this is more complex than a lapse in character.
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/opioid-addiction-is-a-huge-problem-but-pain-prescriptions-are-not-the-cause/

Oh get over yourself. I'm sure some addicts had traumatic backgrounds but so many are overly-coddled, hedonistic over-grown children. Stop romanticizing these losers.

+1. I can never get why addicts who didn't have any health problems want to do these things to themselves. It's one thing if it was some Baby Boomer who was recovering from surgery who got addicted to painkillers but all these supposedly young addicts who just experimented out of stupidity? No.

Did you even read the quoted article? Clearly not because your post shows a gross misunderstanding of what’s been going on.
Childhood trauma/abuse/mental illness untreated can lead to seeking out recreational drug/alcohol use as a teen to deal with aforementioned trauma/abuse/mental illness that then can lead to opioid addiction as a young adult.

The healthy person with no untreated trauma/abuse/mental illness has back surgery and is given opioids is HIGHLY unlikely to get addicted.
However the physically healthy young person may be just that, but have a whole host of mental health issues that are untreated. The likelihood of that seemingly “healthy” young person getting addicted to opioids with just a little bit of use is quite high.

You sound like a massive enabler/excuse maker. Why are you even on this thread? Do you want OP to start funneling money to her addict SIL through her in laws? Just cut your high horse BS already.

[Anonymous]

OP, you also have your kids’ college to worry about. Not sure why your kids’ college fund should be consumed by your SIL’s addiction, which is ultimately how it will pan out. Also not sure why you will have to work past when you may wish to retire, just because of your SIL’s addiction and DH’s parents’ bad choices and enabling. I can see why they want to help their child, but you and your husband need to have a very hard and honest conversation with each other and then with his parents. And don’t be afraid to explain that you have to put your kids’ future before your SIL’s bad choices.

That said, I feel sorry for all three of them.

[Anonymous]

You can understand addiction and its causes, not judge people for having one AND still not financially support them. Folks here are equating anything less than condemnation as meaning one is an enabler who wants to financially support the SIL.

OP is really angry and resentful. It’s unhealthy for her. Clearly it’s impacting her marriage as she and her husband struggle with this. If she can figure out a way to not judge the SIL and better understand why the addiction happens, she may feel less anger. It will not mean she is an enabler. It will not mean she should start giving financial support.

Maybe something like an Al-Anon group might help. I believe they’re for families who have addicts. OP and her husband could go. Then maybe other family members might go and realize they can’t keep enabling the sister.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have the utmost sympathy for you. My SIL is an alcoholic and currently lives with my MIL in our in-law apartment. Ignore those crazy, self righteous posters who don't know anything about addiction works. It is incredibly painful to have a front row seat to a loved one's self destruction, and my heart breaks for my MIL, who knows her daughter is in deep trouble but can't bear to let her drown. My 40-year-old SIL can't hold a job, no longer has a car, and sleeps off her hangover all day before downing a few bottles of cheap wine. We pay the bill at the restaurant but hold the line where it really matters; no babysitting, no loans, and no alcohol. We lock up our booze and hide the wine.

We dread what happens when MIL passes away and it becomes obvious that we have to kick her out so we don't end up enabling and supporting her until she kills herself. In our case, everyone acknowledges that she has a drinking problem (they have a long family history of alcoholism), but SIL refuses to get help. As long as she is living in MIL's space and on her dime, we can't do much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.

What is up with the Neanderthals on this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have tons of sympathy for victims of the opioid crisis. But, enabling is not helping. Close your wallet and avoid these situations.

OP here - the majority of opioid addicts got the drugs from friends and relatives, not doctors. I am not even sure why they deserve sympathy for self-induced addictions. Reality is hard to deal with and some people choose the easy way out.

Yes, you are very correct OP: opioid addicts by and large get their drugs from friends and relatives. AND there are definite precursors to this that set folks up for addiction. From Scientific American:
“If we want to reduce opioid addiction, we have to target the real risk factors for it: child trauma, mental illness and unemployment. Two thirds of people with opioid addictions have had at least one severely traumatic childhood experience, and the greater your exposure to different types of trauma, the higher the risk becomes. We need to help abused, neglected and otherwise traumatized children before they turn to drugs for self-medicatation when they hit their teens.”

I would invite you to try to set aside some of your anger and judgment. No one wakes up and decides to be an addict. Your husband and his sister grew up in the same household, but each of them had their own experience. I would bet my paycheck that there was trauma of some kind. Each of us can react to trauma in our own, different way.
By no means am I saying that you should be supporting her financially. What I’m saying is that this is more complex than a lapse in character.
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/opioid-addiction-is-a-huge-problem-but-pain-prescriptions-are-not-the-cause/

Oh get over yourself. I'm sure some addicts had traumatic backgrounds but so many are overly-coddled, hedonistic over-grown children. Stop romanticizing these losers.

+1. I can never get why addicts who didn't have any health problems want to do these things to themselves. It's one thing if it was some Baby Boomer who was recovering from surgery who got addicted to painkillers but all these supposedly young addicts who just experimented out of stupidity? No.

Did you even read the quoted article? Clearly not because your post shows a gross misunderstanding of what’s been going on.
Childhood trauma/abuse/mental illness untreated can lead to seeking out recreational drug/alcohol use as a teen to deal with aforementioned trauma/abuse/mental illness that then can lead to opioid addiction as a young adult.

The healthy person with no untreated trauma/abuse/mental illness has back surgery and is given opioids is HIGHLY unlikely to get addicted.
However the physically healthy young person may be just that, but have a whole host of mental health issues that are untreated. The likelihood of that seemingly “healthy” young person getting addicted to opioids with just a little bit of use is quite high.

You sound like a massive enabler/excuse maker. Why are you even on this thread? Do you want OP to start funneling money to her addict SIL through her in laws? Just cut your high horse BS already.

Where are you getting that from her post? She’s not recommending that OP support her SIL. I’m wondering if you are sock-puppeting.

[Anonymous]

OP, I recommend that you attend Nar-Anon or Al-Anon, 12 step groups for friends and families of addicts. This problem is not going to go away and you'll need support. Plus the family dynamics are no doubt affecting your husband, even though he isn't the one with the problem. You can see this train wreck coming at you so get help now.

Good luck with all this. My brother became disabled and my sister and I helped support him financially. I had thought he was sober and when I realized he was drinking again, I went back to Al-Anon meetings (had gone years ago due to parents' use). My brother eventually died of alcoholism but the meetings were a great help and I continue to go for general support in dealing with my own co-dependency issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have tons of sympathy for victims of the opioid crisis. But, enabling is not helping. Close your wallet and avoid these situations.

OP here - the majority of opioid addicts got the drugs from friends and relatives, not doctors. I am not even sure why they deserve sympathy for self-induced addictions. Reality is hard to deal with and some people choose the easy way out.

Yes, you are very correct OP: opioid addicts by and large get their drugs from friends and relatives. AND there are definite precursors to this that set folks up for addiction. From Scientific American:
“If we want to reduce opioid addiction, we have to target the real risk factors for it: child trauma, mental illness and unemployment. Two thirds of people with opioid addictions have had at least one severely traumatic childhood experience, and the greater your exposure to different types of trauma, the higher the risk becomes. We need to help abused, neglected and otherwise traumatized children before they turn to drugs for self-medicatation when they hit their teens.”

I would invite you to try to set aside some of your anger and judgment. No one wakes up and decides to be an addict. Your husband and his sister grew up in the same household, but each of them had their own experience. I would bet my paycheck that there was trauma of some kind. Each of us can react to trauma in our own, different way.
By no means am I saying that you should be supporting her financially. What I’m saying is that this is more complex than a lapse in character.
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/opioid-addiction-is-a-huge-problem-but-pain-prescriptions-are-not-the-cause/

Oh get over yourself. I'm sure some addicts had traumatic backgrounds but so many are overly-coddled, hedonistic over-grown children. Stop romanticizing these losers.

+1. I can never get why addicts who didn't have any health problems want to do these things to themselves. It's one thing if it was some Baby Boomer who was recovering from surgery who got addicted to painkillers but all these supposedly young addicts who just experimented out of stupidity? No.

Did you even read the quoted article? Clearly not because your post shows a gross misunderstanding of what’s been going on.
Childhood trauma/abuse/mental illness untreated can lead to seeking out recreational drug/alcohol use as a teen to deal with aforementioned trauma/abuse/mental illness that then can lead to opioid addiction as a young adult.

The healthy person with no untreated trauma/abuse/mental illness has back surgery and is given opioids is HIGHLY unlikely to get addicted.
However the physically healthy young person may be just that, but have a whole host of mental health issues that are untreated. The likelihood of that seemingly “healthy” young person getting addicted to opioids with just a little bit of use is quite high.

You sound like a massive enabler/excuse maker. Why are you even on this thread? Do you want OP to start funneling money to her addict SIL through her in laws? Just cut your high horse BS already.

Where are you getting that from her post? She’s not recommending that OP support her SIL. I’m wondering if you are sock-puppeting.

Hey moron, do you even know what sock-puppeting means?

I wonder at all the posters urging OP to "understand" her SIL better or to have more sympathy for her. To what end? Addicts are takers, losers and selfish to the core. The more distance you can put between yourself and an addict, the better.

I suspect most of you posting these passive aggressive "addiction is complex" BS posts are yourselves codependent with addicts in your own lives, and you just can't stand that OP has such a healthy distance from her addict SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have tons of sympathy for victims of the opioid crisis. But, enabling is not helping. Close your wallet and avoid these situations.

OP here - the majority of opioid addicts got the drugs from friends and relatives, not doctors. I am not even sure why they deserve sympathy for self-induced addictions. Reality is hard to deal with and some people choose the easy way out.

Yes, you are very correct OP: opioid addicts by and large get their drugs from friends and relatives. AND there are definite precursors to this that set folks up for addiction. From Scientific American:
“If we want to reduce opioid addiction, we have to target the real risk factors for it: child trauma, mental illness and unemployment. Two thirds of people with opioid addictions have had at least one severely traumatic childhood experience, and the greater your exposure to different types of trauma, the higher the risk becomes. We need to help abused, neglected and otherwise traumatized children before they turn to drugs for self-medicatation when they hit their teens.”

I would invite you to try to set aside some of your anger and judgment. No one wakes up and decides to be an addict. Your husband and his sister grew up in the same household, but each of them had their own experience. I would bet my paycheck that there was trauma of some kind. Each of us can react to trauma in our own, different way.
By no means am I saying that you should be supporting her financially. What I’m saying is that this is more complex than a lapse in character.
https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/opioid-addiction-is-a-huge-problem-but-pain-prescriptions-are-not-the-cause/

Oh get over yourself. I'm sure some addicts had traumatic backgrounds but so many are overly-coddled, hedonistic over-grown children. Stop romanticizing these losers.

+1. I can never get why addicts who didn't have any health problems want to do these things to themselves. It's one thing if it was some Baby Boomer who was recovering from surgery who got addicted to painkillers but all these supposedly young addicts who just experimented out of stupidity? No.

Did you even read the quoted article? Clearly not because your post shows a gross misunderstanding of what’s been going on.
Childhood trauma/abuse/mental illness untreated can lead to seeking out recreational drug/alcohol use as a teen to deal with aforementioned trauma/abuse/mental illness that then can lead to opioid addiction as a young adult.

The healthy person with no untreated trauma/abuse/mental illness has back surgery and is given opioids is HIGHLY unlikely to get addicted.
However the physically healthy young person may be just that, but have a whole host of mental health issues that are untreated. The likelihood of that seemingly “healthy” young person getting addicted to opioids with just a little bit of use is quite high.

You sound like a massive enabler/excuse maker. Why are you even on this thread? Do you want OP to start funneling money to her addict SIL through her in laws? Just cut your high horse BS already.

Where are you getting that from her post? She’s not recommending that OP support her SIL. I’m wondering if you are sock-puppeting.

Hey moron, do you even know what sock-puppeting means?

I wonder at all the posters urging OP to "understand" her SIL better or to have more sympathy for her. To what end? Addicts are takers, losers and selfish to the core. The more distance you can put between yourself and an addict, the better.

I suspect most of you posting these passive aggressive "addiction is complex" BS posts are yourselves codependent with addicts in your own lives, and you just can't stand that OP has such a healthy distance from her addict SIL.

Actually no. I’m a rare bird in that no one in my immediate family has addiction issues with alcohol or drugs. It sounds like you do, and I’m sorry for the pain it’s caused you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give it a rest, PP. You must be an opioid addict looking for sympathy.

What is up with the Neanderthals on this thread?

+1

Op, first, I feel absolutely horrible for you husband. I can’t imagine being stuck in the middle of this.

If you have the means, I would offer to pay for an intensive treatment center or therapy. Once. Give her one hard core chance to get clean. Then I would do what pp said- ignore the small stuff if it otherwise doesn’t significantly affect your finances.

[Anonymous]

Where are you getting that from her post? She’s not recommending that OP support her SIL. I’m wondering if you are sock-puppeting.

Hey moron, do you even know what sock-puppeting means?

I wonder at all the posters urging OP to "understand" her SIL better or to have more sympathy for her. To what end? Addicts are takers, losers and selfish to the core. The more distance you can put between yourself and an addict, the better.

I suspect most of you posting these passive aggressive "addiction is complex" BS posts are yourselves codependent with addicts in your own lives, and you just can't stand that OP has such a healthy distance from her addict SIL.

Actually no. I’m a rare bird in that no one in my immediate family has addiction issues with alcohol or drugs. It sounds like you do, and I’m sorry for the pain it’s caused you and your family.

I call BS, otherwise, why are you here? I recognize bull shit when I see it.

The previous PP may be too chicken-sh*t to actually directly "recommend" that OP support her SIL (because even she knows you never do that for an addict), but these "you need to understand so-and-so disordered and destructive person better" posts always imply it.

"It's not her fault the heroin addict passed out in the front seat with her kid in the car, she had a bad childhood."
"It's not Larlo's fault he drove intoxicated and killed that young family, his parents got divorced when he was 4."
"Oh, the Addict stole out of your post? Have some sympathy, she was traumatized as a child."

In other words, "How dare you react normally to these selfish assholes who destroy other people's lives?"

Yeah, no.