Husband doesn't listen

[Anonymous]

When he and you are calm, have a discussion about home maintenance. You need to change your method. I would post a LIST of things that needed done, including calls to contractors or items to be picked up from Home Depot. Sign off on who is doing what item. Lists take the nagging aspect away from chores. If all else fails, I quit doing extra things for everyone in my house if they think they are not required to participate in the running of the household.

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t you call a different contractor earlier? Seems simple since you “did it all yourself”. You messed up and didn’t finish “your” project.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When he and you are calm, have a discussion about home maintenance. You need to change your method. I would post a LIST of things that needed done, including calls to contractors or items to be picked up from Home Depot. Sign off on who is doing what item. Lists take the nagging aspect away from chores. If all else fails, I quit doing extra things for everyone in my house if they think they are not required to participate in the running of the household.

12:07 here. This is a great suggestion. You need to change the way you’re communicating. Making a list and then posting it somewhere like the fridge would help resolve some of this. You could create it together as you talk and include who will take care of the task and negotiate by what date it would be completed.

[Anonymous]

What is his definition of "on board?" When it comes to living arrangements, I have simple needs. If it's clean and functional, I'm good. My wife has more elaborate tastes. So if she wants a remodel, chances are that I could easily live with out it and would choose to use our money on retirement or travel. That said, if she thinks we have the money and wants to deal with it, I would be "on board" in the sense that I'm not going to complain if she goes ahead with it.

However, if she wants to make that circus my problem, I can see where I'd get resentful. Particularly if she wanted me to stick to her time table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he and you are calm, have a discussion about home maintenance. You need to change your method. I would post a LIST of things that needed done, including calls to contractors or items to be picked up from Home Depot. Sign off on who is doing what item. Lists take the nagging aspect away from chores. If all else fails, I quit doing extra things for everyone in my house if they think they are not required to participate in the running of the household.

12:07 here. This is a great suggestion. You need to change the way you’re communicating. Making a list and then posting it somewhere like the fridge would help resolve some of this. You could create it together as you talk and include who will take care of the task and negotiate by what date it would be completed.

Better yet, next time, make a list of who is going to do what *before* you initiate the project. That way he (and you) can decide whether the project is worth the hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHat are you asking him to do?

We have a major home remodeling. We finished first floor already completely. I did it all by myself: planning, contractor hire, watching what they doing. All this while working from home( I have my own buisness).
One of the contractors forgot to seal and stain few outdoor doors. Contractor dossapeared. So I told him that doors need to be finished. I said that few times during this winter. Last week door stopped owning properly, so I called another contractor and he said it needs to be reinstalled as it was not finished and the trim got ruined due to winter weather.
Husband started to yell at me about all of this and that I didn't tell him.
I just feel I am all alone in this remodeling process, he is only interested in work and his sh..t.

Meh... we have unfinished projects from years ago. No big deal. If you were DIY, it would be one thing but you aren't doing the work so don't act like you are doing it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn't listen to what I say. I would ask him to do anything and then he states that I didn't say that. If I keep repeating 5 times to do something, he starts yelling at me that he heard me.
I am so exsausted.

maybe he is just sick and tired of your nagging.

+100

-Ron Blomalode

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is his definition of "on board?" When it comes to living arrangements, I have simple needs. If it's clean and functional, I'm good. My wife has more elaborate tastes. So if she wants a remodel, chances are that I could easily live with out it and would choose to use our money on retirement or travel. That said, if she thinks we have the money and wants to deal with it, I would be "on board" in the sense that I'm not going to complain if she goes ahead with it.

However, if she wants to make that circus my problem, I can see where I'd get resentful. Particularly if she wanted me to stick to her time table.

When we bought this house, from the beggining we agreed it needs a complete remodel. House is 45 years old and nothing was ever done. So yes, the remodel was the plan. I didn't know though I will have to do it all myself. His excuse is that I work from home, so it's easy for me to schedule estimates etc.
Oh I would like to add that his parents moved to our state and lived with us for 2 months, while I was working,cleaning after everyone and doing the Reno.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his definition of "on board?" When it comes to living arrangements, I have simple needs. If it's clean and functional, I'm good. My wife has more elaborate tastes. So if she wants a remodel, chances are that I could easily live with out it and would choose to use our money on retirement or travel. That said, if she thinks we have the money and wants to deal with it, I would be "on board" in the sense that I'm not going to complain if she goes ahead with it.

However, if she wants to make that circus my problem, I can see where I'd get resentful. Particularly if she wanted me to stick to her time table.

When we bought this house, from the beggining we agreed it needs a complete remodel. House is 45 years old and nothing was ever done. So yes, the remodel was the plan. I didn't know though I will have to do it all myself. His excuse is that I work from home, so it's easy for me to schedule estimates etc.
Oh I would like to add that his parents moved to our state and lived with us for 2 months, while I was working,cleaning after everyone and doing the Reno.

You aren't doing it by your self. You are hiring and managing contractors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is his definition of "on board?" When it comes to living arrangements, I have simple needs. If it's clean and functional, I'm good. My wife has more elaborate tastes. So if she wants a remodel, chances are that I could easily live with out it and would choose to use our money on retirement or travel. That said, if she thinks we have the money and wants to deal with it, I would be "on board" in the sense that I'm not going to complain if she goes ahead with it.

However, if she wants to make that circus my problem, I can see where I'd get resentful. Particularly if she wanted me to stick to her time table.

When we bought this house, from the beggining we agreed it needs a complete remodel. House is 45 years old and nothing was ever done. So yes, the remodel was the plan. I didn't know though I will have to do it all myself. His excuse is that I work from home, so it's easy for me to schedule estimates etc.
Oh I would like to add that his parents moved to our state and lived with us for 2 months, while I was working,cleaning after everyone and doing the Reno.

You aren't doing it by your self. You are hiring and managing contractors.

Have you ever find remodel by working at home and having a crazy dog and needy ILs? You realize that they have to come for estimates, then they keep calling you for questions, and people in the house also need something, while you have conference calls?

[Anonymous]

Lists take the nagging aspect away from chores.

I quit doing extra things for everyone in my house if they think they are not required to participate in the running of the household

This

Though I would add - - probably not everyone agrees on "needed". Standards differ. Everyone does not have to bow to your standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn't listen to what I say. I would ask him to do anything and then he states that I didn't say that. If I keep repeating 5 times to do something, he starts yelling at me that he heard me.
I am so exsausted.

My 13 year old does that.