Husband doesn't listen

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn't listen to what I say. I would ask him to do anything and then he states that I didn't say that. If I keep repeating 5 times to do something, he starts yelling at me that he heard me.
I am so exsausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn't listen to what I say. I would ask him to do anything and then he states that I didn't say that. If I keep repeating 5 times to do something, he starts yelling at me that he heard me.
I am so exsausted.

maybe he is just sick and tired of your nagging.

[Anonymous]

WHat are you asking him to do?

[Anonymous]

Make him a sticker chart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WHat are you asking him to do?

We have a major home remodeling. We finished first floor already completely. I did it all by myself: planning, contractor hire, watching what they doing. All this while working from home( I have my own buisness).
One of the contractors forgot to seal and stain few outdoor doors. Contractor dossapeared. So I told him that doors need to be finished. I said that few times during this winter. Last week door stopped owning properly, so I called another contractor and he said it needs to be reinstalled as it was not finished and the trim got ruined due to winter weather.
Husband started to yell at me about all of this and that I didn't tell him.
I just feel I am all alone in this remodeling process, he is only interested in work and his sh..t.

[Anonymous]

*working not owning. Please forgive for any typos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHat are you asking him to do?

We have a major home remodeling. We finished first floor already completely. I did it all by myself: planning, contractor hire, watching what they doing. All this while working from home( I have my own buisness).
One of the contractors forgot to seal and stain few outdoor doors. Contractor dossapeared. So I told him that doors need to be finished. I said that few times during this winter. Last week door stopped owning properly, so I called another contractor and he said it needs to be reinstalled as it was not finished and the trim got ruined due to winter weather.
Husband started to yell at me about all of this and that I didn't tell him.
I just feel I am all alone in this remodeling process, he is only interested in work and his sh..t.

What does it mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHat are you asking him to do?

We have a major home remodeling. We finished first floor already completely. I did it all by myself: planning, contractor hire, watching what they doing. All this while working from home( I have my own buisness).
One of the contractors forgot to seal and stain few outdoor doors. Contractor dossapeared. So I told him that doors need to be finished. I said that few times during this winter. Last week door stopped owning properly, so I called another contractor and he said it needs to be reinstalled as it was not finished and the trim got ruined due to winter weather.
Husband started to yell at me about all of this and that I didn't tell him.
I just feel I am all alone in this remodeling process, he is only interested in work and his sh..t.

What does it mean?

They needed to be stained.

[Anonymous]

Was your husband not on board with the remodel, is he trying to passive aggressively ruin it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was your husband not on board with the remodel, is he trying to passive aggressively ruin it?

I though he was on board. He likes everything I did to the house. But he doesn't want to do anything to help with - he is "busy" with work and travel. He remembers to go to all the exotic locations and remembers what lounges are in what airports but not that he needs to help me with anything around the house.

[Anonymous]

My not-listening husband was a narcissistic abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was your husband not on board with the remodel, is he trying to passive aggressively ruin it?

I though he was on board. He likes everything I did to the house. But he doesn't want to do anything to help with - he is "busy" with work and travel. He remembers to go to all the exotic locations and remembers what lounges are in what airports but not that he needs to help me with anything around the house.

It sounds like he's acting out, like a kid. He's resentful about something, likely beyond/outside of the remodel. I hope you two can get to the bottom of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHat are you asking him to do?

We have a major home remodeling. We finished first floor already completely. I did it all by myself: planning, contractor hire, watching what they doing. All this while working from home( I have my own buisness).
One of the contractors forgot to seal and stain few outdoor doors. Contractor dossapeared. So I told him that doors need to be finished. I said that few times during this winter. Last week door stopped owning properly, so I called another contractor and he said it needs to be reinstalled as it was not finished and the trim got ruined due to winter weather.
Husband started to yell at me about all of this and that I didn't tell him.
I just feel I am all alone in this remodeling process, he is only interested in work and his sh..t.

What does it mean?

They needed to be stained.

Is it how you tried to tell your husband? You are focused on the doors. The bolded is about you telling your husband, not the doors. Did you ignore his lack of response or lack of action the first time you said it? Did you ask him to be involved? How did you tell him? What was the reason to tell him?

[Anonymous]

I probably would have responded to his yelling with this:
“Let me know when you’re done so we can have a rational conversation.”

And then when he calmed down, either then or at some later point, I would say:
“So you’re upset that we have to hire someone else to fix the doors. I did tell you about it several times this winter. Perhaps you don’t remember. At this point, it doesn’t matter. What does after is that they need to be fixed. If you’d like to hire the contractor to fix them, fine. Or if you’d like me to do it, I can. What’s not an option is yelling at me. I’m tired of dealing with this renovation and have felt alone in handling all the details. Having you yell at me on top of that is not an option.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably would have responded to his yelling with this:
“Let me know when you’re done so we can have a rational conversation.”

And then when he calmed down, either then or at some later point, I would say:
“So you’re upset that we have to hire someone else to fix the doors. I did tell you about it several times this winter. Perhaps you don’t remember. At this point, it doesn’t matter. What does after is that they need to be fixed. If you’d like to hire the contractor to fix them, fine. Or if you’d like me to do it, I can. What’s not an option is yelling at me. I’m tired of dealing with this renovation and have felt alone in handling all the details. Having you yell at me on top of that is not an option.”

You will not believe how often I had similar conversations with him! Doors is not the first problem like this. Every time he says "yes yes" and checks out. He understands only when I get emotional, yell etc. I don't like this dynamic and can't understand why it has to be like that?
This morning after huge scandal last night I woke up to finished doors, clean dishes, made bed. He doesn't do any of it on good terms.
Is it something childhood related?