Online dating when privacy is very important?
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Anonymous
| I'm in a similar boat, OP. My haters online would blast my personal information all over the place when one of them inevitably sees it and mock me mercilessly for it. No thanks. I just don't do online dating, and I hope at some point to meet someone in real life from my social or professional circles. |
Anonymous
There are several high-level people at my large, controversial federal agency with online dating profiles. I have met two different "famous" women via on-line dating (one on Bumble, one on Match). A friend dated the ex-wife of a really famous DC journalist he met on Our Time. I'm a bit high-profile myself. I think some of you need to be braver. |
Anonymous
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agree, I don't want my info all over. I did e-harmony for 3 mos. Found men lied (yeah I know women do too), went on about 10 dates. Found even if they looked like their pic, they had other qualities which were why, I felt they were on-line, like cheap (don't want to buy me a cup of coffee, really), pessimistic/depressed/bitter over ex, can't make a decision or FOMO types (you're great, like's go for dinner next Sat, then nothing. Apparently he didn't have the communication skills or manners to send a text, "hey great meeting you, but I met someone else & going to give it a shot). Yeah I know he didn't know me, but it just speaks volumes about his ability to communicate and get along).
I heard from almost every one, "wow you look just like your pics" . A few asked, "so what are you hiding". (Nothing, go freakin google me!) . Out of them, only 2 were genuine - they said who they were, looked like pics, honest in what they were looking for. Neither one worked out because their life philosophy (where to live in the future, etc.) I'm sticking to professional conferences, asking friends and any one else I feel comfortable with if they know anyone and I am doing the things I like. I am considering a matchmaker or Just Lunch, also. I think a lot of people are hiding a lot when you meet them on the internet. I don't need to meet many men, actually just one, so I don't want to waste any more time meeting people on-line that I would not talk to in person. |
Anonymous
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OP, whatever you choose to do is fine, but as low-profile person with a name so common a google search is unusable, I can still say that I see high profile people on the dating sites all the time.
Granted, they are "famous for DC" types, but they are definitely out there. My women friends report seeing professional athletes (who are infinitely more high profile than a NY Times reporter or the director of some dogshit non-profit) all the time. |
Anonymous
Maybe its different for men? Although I wonder why good men, esp. in this area, would be on-line & can't meet women in person, through friends, connections, at events, etc (I understand if ratio of men is high to women, but that is not the case in this area, Lord knows) |
Anonymous
Professional athletes, in general are not top choices by many women who want loyal or educated men. Not all "high profile" people are genuine, good people, that you would want to spend your life with. Many athletes and high profile people are probably great for a hook-up, if that's what you are looking for. |
Anonymous
| OP, you can post photos that are representative but where you can't be recognized. But once you meet these people in person, they will still know... There is no getting around the fact that online dating is a numbers game. It will take meeting 100+ men who turn out to be far from your idea match, and then it'll take another 10+ men where there is some potential (and here you will waste either multiple dates or even multiple months in mini relationships) before finally meeting someone. It can still be highly efficient (stick to 45-60 minute coffees only for a first date, meet near your home or near your work, and make it a regular part of your day), BUT there's no avoiding exposing your identity to a large number of people. If you're so concerned, then perhaps you should only date friends of friends or use another filtering approach that makes you anonymous during the initial screening "rounds" (i.e. anything but online dating). |
Anonymous
It's not an either/or, online vs anything else. Do everything. And in the context of this thread, "good men" seems to mean "famous men", in which case shame on you. |
Anonymous
| Right here. Get a screen name, discuss yourself and ask potential matches to DM you. From there you could meet or choose to swap pix privately |
Anonymous
| No face pic = pass. I'd be too inclined to think there is something wrong (person is married, fake profile, etc.) plus there are plenty of people out there that do include face pics. |
Anonymous
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I'm sure there are women who don't post face pictures and still get responses, but they are significantly limiting the number (and I think quality) of people who will respond.
You either have to put yourself out there or find another avenue for meeting people. |
Anonymous
| The vast majority of men will not respond if they can't see what you look like. Some sites may allow you have your pictures only visible to men you email. But expect no one to contact you if you don't have a good face picture. |
Anonymous
| Could you use an edited shadowed side view of your profile, that adds a touch of mystery, but still allows privacy and makes men want to get to know you? That's what I would do. If done well, no one would know it was you. You can download amazing editors on your phone, and it doesn't have to be professionally done. I've done this before with? my profile, and it turned out really nice. |
Anonymous
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1. Get some photographs that are completely unlike anything on your social media. Have photos that give you plausible deniability regarding anonymity, yet show your general attractiveness. Guys want to see attractive face and body....it's what's important to 99.5% of men. Being physically attracted to a woman is our minimum baseline. You need to use new photos that cannot be reverse image searched.
2. Use a fake name until you've been out on at least one date. State in your profile that "Susan isn't my real name, but I'll share more about me in person once we've established a degree of trust." It's very common for people to not use their professional name in the world of online dating. 3. Use Google Voice for swapping phone numbers. Do not give out your personal Facebook, Instagram, phone number, personal email, LinkedIn or instant messenger handle, until you're legitimately "dating" exclusively. Handle all communications through methods that do not directly tie back to you, that are not indexed on Google. 4. Do not tell people about the recent apartment or condo you bought. Don't even mention the specific neighborhood (for example, if you live in Adams Morgan just tell them you live in "NW" or "the Dupont area"). With Redfin/Zillow and public records, I can pretty easily pinpoint which property you bought if I know the purchase time frame and within a few blocks of purchase location. Once you find the sale record on Redfin, you can easily cross reference with the online Recorder of Deeds to figure out your name, purchase price, how much you financed, etc. |
Anonymous
| When I was dating, I actually put up a post on craigslist without a photo. I am a woman. I asked for men to send a photo to me if they wanted to respond to my ad. I got about 60 responses almost immediately. Actual online dating like Match or Yahoo did not work for me. My husband was the very first response to my craigslist post. Yes, I am attractive. This was a little more than a decade ago. |