Online dating when privacy is very important?

[Anonymous]

I am just returning to the dating world after a divorce and wonder if anyone has advice for how to find potential dates when privacy is very important. Background: I'm a woman in her early forties; kids almost ready to head out to college; looking for men 40s to early 60s. Online dating seems like an obvious way to meet new people, but I am very private and a not comfortable with having my photo out there for anyone to see.

It's not just that I am generically paranoid: I have a high-profile and sometimes controversial job (the kind that generates publicity and a lot of hate mail under the best of circumstances). Though I am very far from "famous," I am just recognizable enough inside certain DC circles to feel really uncomfortable having my picture and profile up on Match or whatever.

Are there any internet matching services that reserve photo exchanges for after a period in which you have exchanged emails for a while? Or old-fashioned "matchmaker" services that set you up on "blind" dates with potential matches? Or, failing that, any suggestions of how to meet single men offline? (But not in bars or something. Too old for that!).

Advice welcome!

[Anonymous]

Try eharmony.

[Anonymous]

Just Lunch

[Anonymous]

Coy, strategic photographs. Meet in person. Use a shortened version of your name. Google phone number. Photos could be of your body but taken from the back aiming downward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just Lunch

A ripoff. Same men on Tinder.

[Anonymous]

Is your picture up anywhere online? Are you afraid people will make fun of you for dating online? I'm not sure what the issue is. Online dating is a numbers game. The more people you meet, the higher the chance you'll meet someone that you click with. What exactly is the issue?

[Anonymous]

A good photo nkt showing your face.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/480900066436896469/?%24ios_deeplink_path=pinterest%3A%2F%2Fpin%2F480900066436896469&%24android_deeplink_path=pinterest%3A%2F%2Fpin%2F480900066436896469&_client_id=YnanLp5Po-Fp4j1Sq-s8Z1OBzbrdI5nLeToE0GxDHpMS_kEkdc8k5nZ7oRLyURrL&utm_source=168&utm_medium=2160&%24fallback_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F480900066436896469%2F¤t_page_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Famp%2Fpin%2F480900066436896469%2F&install_id=a862131b866b46929000b18b91fb35a9&_branch_match_id=487795944713577540

[Anonymous]

- Get dating profile pictures which are different than your professional shots - completely different attire, hair color etc so its harder to say 'Oh, that's Margaret in the tan suit from down the hall'.
- Private phone
- Private dating only email
- Be aware of where your pictures are and be prepared to take the account/images down ASAP if needed

[Anonymous]

Speaking just as a man...there are really only a couple of things I want to see on a woman, and they aren't her face. I've definitely written to women who had ass-only photos. I've also written to women with no photos if they are someone I am interested in (right age/race/education).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking just as a man...there are really only a couple of things I want to see on a woman, and they aren't her face. I've definitely written to women who had ass-only photos. I've also written to women with no photos if they are someone I am interested in (right age/race/education).

This doesn't really help, PP. Not looking for men who only care about my ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking just as a man...there are really only a couple of things I want to see on a woman, and they aren't her face. I've definitely written to women who had ass-only photos. I've also written to women with no photos if they are someone I am interested in (right age/race/education).

This doesn't really help, PP. Not looking for men who only care about my ass.

This IS helpful though, since you need to be anonymous. Just make sure the OTHER STUFF he is interested in is accurate, in writing. You can't show your face, so what exactly do you think is the solution? As long as you are not ugly stick ugly. And the body shot is just to make sure it's a body type that is within preference. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone tried “It’s Just Lunch”? Reactions? tips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking just as a man...there are really only a couple of things I want to see on a woman, and they aren't her face. I've definitely written to women who had ass-only photos. I've also written to women with no photos if they are someone I am interested in (right age/race/education).

This doesn't really help, PP. Not looking for men who only care about my ass.

it doesn't have to be a instagram-esque booty on the sink pic.

you can have a tasteful picture with your face looking the other way, hair down, with your whole body in the picture so we know you aren't a fatty.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I had a high-profile job and found the challenges of online dating extended way beyond just the online profile. Men would get really weird on dates when I told them what I did for a living and it became hard to filter out who was into me and who was into the celebrity aspects of the job. A lot of men would get insecure too about their own career or sense of importance.

I ended up deciding not to online date while in the job and stick to dating within my friend and professional circle. After I left the job for something lower-profile, I started online again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I had a high-profile job and found the challenges of online dating extended way beyond just the online profile. Men would get really weird on dates when I told them what I did for a living and it became hard to filter out who was into me and who was into the celebrity aspects of the job. A lot of men would get insecure too about their own career or sense of importance.

I ended up deciding not to online date while in the job and stick to dating within my friend and professional circle. After I left the job for something lower-profile, I started online again.

How's that working out for you?