Donor Children Speak Out as Adults

[Anonymous]

People should probably be aware that their children will want to know who their genetic donors are. If they don't know they might feel like something is missing.

[Anonymous]

OP what is your intention here? I’m just curious because it’s okay to not be in favor of donor eggs, but it seems like you have an agenda and frankly, I don’t think it’s very nice to people who have children conceived using DE. It’s okay to have your opinion but why go this step further? I wouldn’t use donor eggs myself but I think for certain parents- it’s a good choice for them.

[Anonymous]

My problem with articles like these are that they cherry pick the people they talk to. There are 10-15 thousand donor egg cycles done in the US every year and probably many more donor sperm cycles. Just considering donor egg IVF, there are literally hundreds of thousands of donor egg-conceived children currently living in the US. Of course you can find a few who are upset, usually because they have other underlying issues with their parents. The same is true of anecdotal articles about adoption. And, of course, there are plenty of kids who have issues with their genetically-related parents.

I have never seen any statistically significant, evidence-based studies that show that donor conceived children have a higher rate of dissatisfaction with the parents who raised them than do non-donor conceived children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My problem with articles like these are that they cherry pick the people they talk to. There are 10-15 thousand donor egg cycles done in the US every year and probably many more donor sperm cycles. Just considering donor egg IVF, there are literally hundreds of thousands of donor egg-conceived children currently living in the US. Of course you can find a few who are upset, usually because they have other underlying issues with their parents. The same is true of anecdotal articles about adoption. And, of course, there are plenty of kids who have issues with their genetically-related parents.

I have never seen any statistically significant, evidence-based studies that show that donor conceived children have a higher rate of dissatisfaction with the parents who raised them than do non-donor conceived children.

+1. As an adoptee, the issue of identity, genetics, are a huge issue but luckily my parents told me when I was 4 years old so being adopted wasn't this huge secret. Had they waited until I was older that would have been devastating: to my identity, to trusting my parents and others, etc. But since they told me when I was young it just one part of growing up. As these two DE articles point out, some people were told when they were adults and that's just not right.

[Anonymous]

The subject heading to this post should read "donor children find out about their origins as adults". This has nothing to do with being the product of a donor egg or sperm in and off itself, but the feeling of betrayal after only learning about this in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My problem with articles like these are that they cherry pick the people they talk to. There are 10-15 thousand donor egg cycles done in the US every year and probably many more donor sperm cycles. Just considering donor egg IVF, there are literally hundreds of thousands of donor egg-conceived children currently living in the US. Of course you can find a few who are upset, usually because they have other underlying issues with their parents. The same is true of anecdotal articles about adoption. And, of course, there are plenty of kids who have issues with their genetically-related parents.

I have never seen any statistically significant, evidence-based studies that show that donor conceived children have a higher rate of dissatisfaction with the parents who raised them than do non-donor conceived children.

+1. As an adoptee, the issue of identity, genetics, are a huge issue but luckily my parents told me when I was 4 years old so being adopted wasn't this huge secret. Had they waited until I was older that would have been devastating: to my identity, to trusting my parents and others, etc. But since they told me when I was young it just one part of growing up. As these two DE articles point out, some people were told when they were adults and that's just not right.

I am so glad for you. The problem is that many people do not like to tell for what ever reason (some legitimate, e.g. in the interview one woman said that her mother was afraid that husband's family would write a daughter out of a will if found out she was not a genetic grandchild).
Many recipients go to great lengths to find an anonymous donor who resembles them precisely to keep it secret. I agree with you that keeping secrets is devastating to one's self-esteem and identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My problem with articles like these are that they cherry pick the people they talk to. There are 10-15 thousand donor egg cycles done in the US every year and probably many more donor sperm cycles. Just considering donor egg IVF, there are literally hundreds of thousands of donor egg-conceived children currently living in the US. Of course you can find a few who are upset, usually because they have other underlying issues with their parents. The same is true of anecdotal articles about adoption. And, of course, there are plenty of kids who have issues with their genetically-related parents.

I have never seen any statistically significant, evidence-based studies that show that donor conceived children have a higher rate of dissatisfaction with the parents who raised them than do non-donor conceived children.

+1. As an adoptee, the issue of identity, genetics, are a huge issue but luckily my parents told me when I was 4 years old so being adopted wasn't this huge secret. Had they waited until I was older that would have been devastating: to my identity, to trusting my parents and others, etc. But since they told me when I was young it just one part of growing up. As these two DE articles point out, some people were told when they were adults and that's just not right.

I am so glad for you. The problem is that many people do not like to tell for what ever reason (some legitimate, e.g. in the interview one woman said that her mother was afraid that husband's family would write a daughter out of a will if found out she was not a genetic grandchild).
Many recipients go to great lengths to find an anonymous donor who resembles them precisely to keep it secret. I agree with you that keeping secrets is devastating to one's self-esteem and identity.

Devastating to some rare individual's self-esteem and identity. No reason to put everyone in one bucket. Some people struggle with identity for whatever reason, but most don't. I can care less about my genetic make up as a lot of other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My problem with articles like these are that they cherry pick the people they talk to. There are 10-15 thousand donor egg cycles done in the US every year and probably many more donor sperm cycles. Just considering donor egg IVF, there are literally hundreds of thousands of donor egg-conceived children currently living in the US. Of course you can find a few who are upset, usually because they have other underlying issues with their parents. The same is true of anecdotal articles about adoption. And, of course, there are plenty of kids who have issues with their genetically-related parents.

I have never seen any statistically significant, evidence-based studies that show that donor conceived children have a higher rate of dissatisfaction with the parents who raised them than do non-donor conceived children.

+1. As an adoptee, the issue of identity, genetics, are a huge issue but luckily my parents told me when I was 4 years old so being adopted wasn't this huge secret. Had they waited until I was older that would have been devastating: to my identity, to trusting my parents and others, etc. But since they told me when I was young it just one part of growing up. As these two DE articles point out, some people were told when they were adults and that's just not right.

I am so glad for you. The problem is that many people do not like to tell for what ever reason (some legitimate, e.g. in the interview one woman said that her mother was afraid that husband's family would write a daughter out of a will if found out she was not a genetic grandchild).
Many recipients go to great lengths to find an anonymous donor who resembles them precisely to keep it secret. I agree with you that keeping secrets is devastating to one's self-esteem and identity.

Devastating to some rare individual's self-esteem and identity. No reason to put everyone in one bucket. Some people struggle with identity for whatever reason, but most don't. I can care less about my genetic make up as a lot of other people.

Can you provide links to interviews with donor children who “could care less” about their genetic make up?

[Anonymous]

omg OP! Another thread? What is your point? You are trolling this forum.

I think these threads should be moved out of infertility. It's not helping women conceive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:omg OP! Another thread? What is your point? You are trolling this forum.

I think these threads should be moved out of infertility. It's not helping women conceive.

Stop trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:omg OP! Another thread? What is your point? You are trolling this forum.

I think these threads should be moved out of infertility. It's not helping women conceive.

Stop trolling.

NP: OP, we get it, you have an agenda, you don't want any discussion. Unfortunately for you that isn't how open discussion forums work. I suggest you try blogging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:omg OP! Another thread? What is your point? You are trolling this forum.

I think these threads should be moved out of infertility. It's not helping women conceive.

Stop trolling.

NP: OP, we get it, you have an agenda, you don't want any discussion. Unfortunately for you that isn't how open discussion forums work. I suggest you try blogging.

You have an agenda. Your agenda is to block discussion about open vs. anonymous gamete donation. People on this forum want to discuss that. People (other than me) asked "What if you donated sperm or eggs" and "Would you use DE" and other such questions. People want to have open discussion and hear form other people with different point of view. People will do what they want to do regardless of other people's opinions. This discussion is not affecting anyone's ability to conceive, such claim is ridiculous. You have complained to Jeff. You have posted from different devices calling all of us trolls. You have tried character attacks. Stop. Please stop. Do not read any thread that you don't like. But stop trying to prevent others who want to have a discussion from having it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread is focused on prospective parents. This interview gives an insight into the real thoughts and feelings of donor children.

No, through your insanity you derailed the other thread and made it about this topic, too. Please stop. You are not the arbiter of this topic and posting about it on an IF board again and again is not cool.

Are you the arbitrer of this board? Also, I was not the only one posting on the other thread. Do you want to silence everyone? If you search this forum you will not find a single topic about donor children speaking out. If you don't like the topic don't click on it.

It is supposed to be about long term infertility issues and you are making it about something else.

But don't you think that couples who are considering this option might want to know what some of the possible issues that their potential children might have?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:omg OP! Another thread? What is your point? You are trolling this forum.

I think these threads should be moved out of infertility. It's not helping women conceive.

Stop trolling.

NP: OP, we get it, you have an agenda, you don't want any discussion. Unfortunately for you that isn't how open discussion forums work. I suggest you try blogging.

You have an agenda. Your agenda is to block discussion about open vs. anonymous gamete donation. People on this forum want to discuss that. People (other than me) asked "What if you donated sperm or eggs" and "Would you use DE" and other such questions. People want to have open discussion and hear form other people with different point of view. People will do what they want to do regardless of other people's opinions. This discussion is not affecting anyone's ability to conceive, such claim is ridiculous. You have complained to Jeff. You have posted from different devices calling all of us trolls. You have tried character attacks. Stop. Please stop. Do not read any thread that you don't like. But stop trying to prevent others who want to have a discussion from having it.

I posted the comment above your and one other comment in this thread (the one about being a lesbian and going to mandatory counseling). I just think you are working with a lot of mis-perceptions.

1. You think only one person is questioning you, and clearly there are several of us.
2. That people who use "donated" genetic material are unaware of potential identity issues for their kids-this is actually a hot topic that's widely discussed among people thinking about using donor sperm or eggs, and at least among queer parents to be, trends are strongly in favor of using known or willing to be known donors.
3. As I said earlier in the thread, at least in Maryland every single person who seeks to have a child using donated genetic materials has to go through counseling, which covers challenges that donor conceived children may face, and the best ways to discuss these issues with kids.
4. In my understanding of the research, as well as the hundred of donor conceived kids of gay parents I personally know, the issue isn't having a donor, it's having a donor that's kept secret and then finding out as a teen or adult. When kids have always known that they have a donor they may want to learn more, but they don't have the sense of betrayal and loss that comes with having their origins hidden.
5. I think this would be a great topic for discussion if the OP would allow discussion, but I don't think it should be on the infertility board-use of donated genetic material isn't just a topic for people dealing with infertility, and I do think OP's tone is particularly unkind to people on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:omg OP! Another thread? What is your point? You are trolling this forum.

I think these threads should be moved out of infertility. It's not helping women conceive.

Stop trolling.

NP: OP, we get it, you have an agenda, you don't want any discussion. Unfortunately for you that isn't how open discussion forums work. I suggest you try blogging.

You have an agenda. Your agenda is to block discussion about open vs. anonymous gamete donation. People on this forum want to discuss that. People (other than me) asked "What if you donated sperm or eggs" and "Would you use DE" and other such questions. People want to have open discussion and hear form other people with different point of view. People will do what they want to do regardless of other people's opinions. This discussion is not affecting anyone's ability to conceive, such claim is ridiculous. You have complained to Jeff. You have posted from different devices calling all of us trolls. You have tried character attacks. Stop. Please stop. Do not read any thread that you don't like. But stop trying to prevent others who want to have a discussion from having it.

I posted the comment above your and one other comment in this thread (the one about being a lesbian and going to mandatory counseling). I just think you are working with a lot of mis-perceptions.

1. You think only one person is questioning you, and clearly there are several of us.
2. That people who use "donated" genetic material are unaware of potential identity issues for their kids-this is actually a hot topic that's widely discussed among people thinking about using donor sperm or eggs, and at least among queer parents to be, trends are strongly in favor of using known or willing to be known donors.
3. As I said earlier in the thread, at least in Maryland every single person who seeks to have a child using donated genetic materials has to go through counseling, which covers challenges that donor conceived children may face, and the best ways to discuss these issues with kids.
4. In my understanding of the research, as well as the hundred of donor conceived kids of gay parents I personally know, the issue isn't having a donor, it's having a donor that's kept secret and then finding out as a teen or adult. When kids have always known that they have a donor they may want to learn more, but they don't have the sense of betrayal and loss that comes with having their origins hidden.
5. I think this would be a great topic for discussion if the OP would allow discussion, but I don't think it should be on the infertility board-use of donated genetic material isn't just a topic for people dealing with infertility, and I do think OP's tone is particularly unkind to people on this board.

Op here: I actually totally agree with your point #4. So, I am not sure where the disagreement comes from. It's your personal opinion that other people don't want to discuss this. You cannot speak for them. Can you point out my posts in which I have been "unkind" or are you mixing me up with someone else? Particularly, where in my opening post have I been unkind? Also, there is always an option of skipping a topic whose title you don't like.