Donor Children Speak Out as Adults

[Anonymous]

Uh, okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems like a very specific subset of donor-conceived adults. Not sure why you think it’d be applicable to the people here on this board.

If it's not applicable to you simply skip the thread.

Well, you’re clearly trying to Make a Statement here by saying it IS applicable. Like starting a thread entitled “Why don’t you all just adopt??” You’d be justifiably smacked down for that, and frankly, you deserve to be smacked down for this.

These are questions that 100% of parents involved with gamete donation have already considered. Your article contributes nothing, and is offensive in its arrogance.

+1

These discussions of donor related issues are derailing the purpose of this thread. Find another forum for these debates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems like a very specific subset of donor-conceived adults. Not sure why you think it’d be applicable to the people here on this board.

If it's not applicable to you simply skip the thread.

Well, you’re clearly trying to Make a Statement here by saying it IS applicable. Like starting a thread entitled “Why don’t you all just adopt??” You’d be justifiably smacked down for that, and frankly, you deserve to be smacked down for this.

These are questions that 100% of parents involved with gamete donation have already considered. Your article contributes nothing, and is offensive in its arrogance.

+1

These discussions of donor related issues are derailing the purpose of this thread. Find another forum for these debates.

You find another thread. No one is forcing you to click on this one.

[Anonymous]

We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

Just stop. Why are you still on this thread? Start another thread and prove that this topic is not important or worth discussing. Get a support for your thesis. Get your likes and approvals on your thread. Character attack is very passé, we've seen it done over and over and it's just like a broken record. It doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

Just stop. Why are you still on this thread? Start another thread and prove that this topic is not important or worth discussing. Get a support for your thesis. Get your likes and approvals on your thread. Character attack is very passé, we've seen it done over and over and it's just like a broken record. It doesn't work.

NP. I think the larger issue that most people have is the forum in which you have chosen to discuss this. We're generally a very supportive, kind group here. I think it's just inaccurate to assume that parents who choose to become parents through using another person's egg/embryo/sperm haven't considered, in depth, the effect of this decision. When it comes to ART, practically nothing is spontaneous. Everything MUST be heavily considered as a matter not only of principle, but sometimes as a requirement. As someone pointed out earlier in the thread, many fertility clinics require you to undergo counseling with a social worker before proceeding with ART using a donor of any kind. For some, using some kind of donor is the ONLY way they will become parents (because adoption does not always work out).

Have you seen "One Last Shot" on Netflix? Consider the stories of those couples. Consider their pain and heartache and all of the LOVE they have to give to those children.

I understand your issue, OP, which is that it's unfair to the offspring of donor children to be "in the dark" about their genetic background. But this isn't a black and white issue - nothing is when it comes to infertility. It's a very personal, harrowing journey for many, and while I do see your perspective (I mean I really do - we chose a known donor for many of the reasons you bring up), I also think while trying to remain objective and present just the facts, you're coming across as insensitive and tone deaf, which is why people are asking that you please stop or, at the very least, take this up in "off topic" or "parenting - special concerns."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

Just stop. Why are you still on this thread? Start another thread and prove that this topic is not important or worth discussing. Get a support for your thesis. Get your likes and approvals on your thread. Character attack is very passé, we've seen it done over and over and it's just like a broken record. It doesn't work.

Thanks OP for proving my point -- this is my first post, you've managed to offend lots of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

Just stop. Why are you still on this thread? Start another thread and prove that this topic is not important or worth discussing. Get a support for your thesis. Get your likes and approvals on your thread. Character attack is very passé, we've seen it done over and over and it's just like a broken record. It doesn't work.

NP. I think the larger issue that most people have is the forum in which you have chosen to discuss this. We're generally a very supportive, kind group here. I think it's just inaccurate to assume that parents who choose to become parents through using another person's egg/embryo/sperm haven't considered, in depth, the effect of this decision. When it comes to ART, practically nothing is spontaneous. Everything MUST be heavily considered as a matter not only of principle, but sometimes as a requirement. As someone pointed out earlier in the thread, many fertility clinics require you to undergo counseling with a social worker before proceeding with ART using a donor of any kind. For some, using some kind of donor is the ONLY way they will become parents (because adoption does not always work out).

Have you seen "One Last Shot" on Netflix? Consider the stories of those couples. Consider their pain and heartache and all of the LOVE they have to give to those children.

I understand your issue, OP, which is that it's unfair to the offspring of donor children to be "in the dark" about their genetic background. But this isn't a black and white issue - nothing is when it comes to infertility. It's a very personal, harrowing journey for many, and while I do see your perspective (I mean I really do - we chose a known donor for many of the reasons you bring up), I also think while trying to remain objective and present just the facts, you're coming across as insensitive and tone deaf, which is why people are asking that you please stop or, at the very least, take this up in "off topic" or "parenting - special concerns."

Your post is reasonable.
I understand infertility because I am going through it.
I also started the thread about "One More Shot" precisely because I am incredibly supportive and compassionate towards fellow infertile people. I also loved the fact that the protagonist used her sister's eggs (unsuccessfully unfortunately) as that would have been totally benevolent and open donation. They also adopted an abandoned embryo, akin to adopting a child except that the protagonist went through childbirth. I loved that movie.
I still think that gamete donation is ok to be discussed openly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

Just stop. Why are you still on this thread? Start another thread and prove that this topic is not important or worth discussing. Get a support for your thesis. Get your likes and approvals on your thread. Character attack is very passé, we've seen it done over and over and it's just like a broken record. It doesn't work.

NP. I think the larger issue that most people have is the forum in which you have chosen to discuss this. We're generally a very supportive, kind group here. I think it's just inaccurate to assume that parents who choose to become parents through using another person's egg/embryo/sperm haven't considered, in depth, the effect of this decision. When it comes to ART, practically nothing is spontaneous. Everything MUST be heavily considered as a matter not only of principle, but sometimes as a requirement. As someone pointed out earlier in the thread, many fertility clinics require you to undergo counseling with a social worker before proceeding with ART using a donor of any kind. For some, using some kind of donor is the ONLY way they will become parents (because adoption does not always work out).

Have you seen "One Last Shot" on Netflix? Consider the stories of those couples. Consider their pain and heartache and all of the LOVE they have to give to those children.

I understand your issue, OP, which is that it's unfair to the offspring of donor children to be "in the dark" about their genetic background. But this isn't a black and white issue - nothing is when it comes to infertility. It's a very personal, harrowing journey for many, and while I do see your perspective (I mean I really do - we chose a known donor for many of the reasons you bring up), I also think while trying to remain objective and present just the facts, you're coming across as insensitive and tone deaf, which is why people are asking that you please stop or, at the very least, take this up in "off topic" or "parenting - special concerns."

+1 Thank you for summing this up so effectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

Just stop. Why are you still on this thread? Start another thread and prove that this topic is not important or worth discussing. Get a support for your thesis. Get your likes and approvals on your thread. Character attack is very passé, we've seen it done over and over and it's just like a broken record. It doesn't work.

NP. I think the larger issue that most people have is the forum in which you have chosen to discuss this. We're generally a very supportive, kind group here. I think it's just inaccurate to assume that parents who choose to become parents through using another person's egg/embryo/sperm haven't considered, in depth, the effect of this decision. When it comes to ART, practically nothing is spontaneous. Everything MUST be heavily considered as a matter not only of principle, but sometimes as a requirement. As someone pointed out earlier in the thread, many fertility clinics require you to undergo counseling with a social worker before proceeding with ART using a donor of any kind. For some, using some kind of donor is the ONLY way they will become parents (because adoption does not always work out).

Have you seen "One Last Shot" on Netflix? Consider the stories of those couples. Consider their pain and heartache and all of the LOVE they have to give to those children.

I understand your issue, OP, which is that it's unfair to the offspring of donor children to be "in the dark" about their genetic background. But this isn't a black and white issue - nothing is when it comes to infertility. It's a very personal, harrowing journey for many, and while I do see your perspective (I mean I really do - we chose a known donor for many of the reasons you bring up), I also think while trying to remain objective and present just the facts, you're coming across as insensitive and tone deaf, which is why people are asking that you please stop or, at the very least, take this up in "off topic" or "parenting - special concerns."

Your post is reasonable.
I understand infertility because I am going through it.
I also started the thread about "One More Shot" precisely because I am incredibly supportive and compassionate towards fellow infertile people. I also loved the fact that the protagonist used her sister's eggs (unsuccessfully unfortunately) as that would have been totally benevolent and open donation. They also adopted an abandoned embryo, akin to adopting a child except that the protagonist went through childbirth. I loved that movie.
I still think that gamete donation is ok to be discussed openly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

Just stop. Why are you still on this thread? Start another thread and prove that this topic is not important or worth discussing. Get a support for your thesis. Get your likes and approvals on your thread. Character attack is very passé, we've seen it done over and over and it's just like a broken record. It doesn't work.

NP. I think the larger issue that most people have is the forum in which you have chosen to discuss this. We're generally a very supportive, kind group here. I think it's just inaccurate to assume that parents who choose to become parents through using another person's egg/embryo/sperm haven't considered, in depth, the effect of this decision. When it comes to ART, practically nothing is spontaneous. Everything MUST be heavily considered as a matter not only of principle, but sometimes as a requirement. As someone pointed out earlier in the thread, many fertility clinics require you to undergo counseling with a social worker before proceeding with ART using a donor of any kind. For some, using some kind of donor is the ONLY way they will become parents (because adoption does not always work out).

Have you seen "One Last Shot" on Netflix? Consider the stories of those couples. Consider their pain and heartache and all of the LOVE they have to give to those children.

I understand your issue, OP, which is that it's unfair to the offspring of donor children to be "in the dark" about their genetic background. But this isn't a black and white issue - nothing is when it comes to infertility. It's a very personal, harrowing journey for many, and while I do see your perspective (I mean I really do - we chose a known donor for many of the reasons you bring up), I also think while trying to remain objective and present just the facts, you're coming across as insensitive and tone deaf, which is why people are asking that you please stop or, at the very least, take this up in "off topic" or "parenting - special concerns."

Not the poster you were responding to, but can I say that I'm not sure if it's true that all couple who are considering using a donor have thoroughly thought through all these issues. Years ago, I used to assume that if I had trouble conceiving I would use a donor over adoption. About 10 years ago there was a series of articles in the post regarding donor children who speaking out against the practice. That was the first that I had ever heard about it, and it brought to my attention issues that I had never really considered, it actually changed my opinion regarding the ethics of sperm/egg donation. I actually do think that it's very legitimate to put this perspective out here on a board geared towards couples who may very well be considering this option.

[Anonymous]

You know, people, you're not going to change OP's mind by arguing with her... you could just let the thread get buried by not responding to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We should all be thankful we don’t know op in real life. Here we can just ignore her crazy. It shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read her posts that op doesn’t understand or care what supportive means.

Just stop. Why are you still on this thread? Start another thread and prove that this topic is not important or worth discussing. Get a support for your thesis. Get your likes and approvals on your thread. Character attack is very passé, we've seen it done over and over and it's just like a broken record. It doesn't work.

NP. I think the larger issue that most people have is the forum in which you have chosen to discuss this. We're generally a very supportive, kind group here. I think it's just inaccurate to assume that parents who choose to become parents through using another person's egg/embryo/sperm haven't considered, in depth, the effect of this decision. When it comes to ART, practically nothing is spontaneous. Everything MUST be heavily considered as a matter not only of principle, but sometimes as a requirement. As someone pointed out earlier in the thread, many fertility clinics require you to undergo counseling with a social worker before proceeding with ART using a donor of any kind. For some, using some kind of donor is the ONLY way they will become parents (because adoption does not always work out).

Have you seen "One Last Shot" on Netflix? Consider the stories of those couples. Consider their pain and heartache and all of the LOVE they have to give to those children.

I understand your issue, OP, which is that it's unfair to the offspring of donor children to be "in the dark" about their genetic background. But this isn't a black and white issue - nothing is when it comes to infertility. It's a very personal, harrowing journey for many, and while I do see your perspective (I mean I really do - we chose a known donor for many of the reasons you bring up), I also think while trying to remain objective and present just the facts, you're coming across as insensitive and tone deaf, which is why people are asking that you please stop or, at the very least, take this up in "off topic" or "parenting - special concerns."

Not the poster you were responding to, but can I say that I'm not sure if it's true that all couple who are considering using a donor have thoroughly thought through all these issues. Years ago, I used to assume that if I had trouble conceiving I would use a donor over adoption. About 10 years ago there was a series of articles in the post regarding donor children who speaking out against the practice. That was the first that I had ever heard about it, and it brought to my attention issues that I had never really considered, it actually changed my opinion regarding the ethics of sperm/egg donation. I actually do think that it's very legitimate to put this perspective out here on a board geared towards couples who may very well be considering this option.

Thank you. I started the thread because so many people ask about using donor eggs. Hearing and reading about the perspective of donor-conceived children is a very valid point. The fact that there are so many donor-conceived people's organization outthere proves that that their point should indeed be considered. I have not comes across any organizations that specifically claim that the issue doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I am wondering, OP, what your intention is here. Are you considering using donated eggs or embryos?