How to get DH to open up sexually?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently, we have a few on here with short attention spans.

I commented above about the paragraphs. It’s difficult to read on a phone without any sort of breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Train him. When he does something you like, give him very clear reinforcement. When the reinforcement is clearly established and he starts to seek it out, make it more intermittent and make him have to do more of what you like to get it.

I think this not a bad suggestion. It’s unfortunate that you have to treat him like a dog, but it is what it is.
Signed,
A dog

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Train him. When he does something you like, give him very clear reinforcement. When the reinforcement is clearly established and he starts to seek it out, make it more intermittent and make him have to do more of what you like to get it.

I think this not a bad suggestion. It’s unfortunate that you have to treat him like a dog, but it is what it is.
Signed,
A dog

Skinner would be proud.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever tried sexting him? Sending him suggestive quotes? Things like that? My husband and I do this every day. It's a lot of fun. We never walk past each other without at least a hug, a touch, some type of physical contact. Try kissing deeply instead of just a peck. Make it a point to do that at least once a day. Tell him you're starting to get lockjaw and you need to stretch your jaw out if you have to.

[Anonymous]

You’re asking to much. He sounds sweet! Most women would love any intimacy at all after a quiet evening at home. Life isn’t a romance novel. Be grateful you have a faithful sweet guy and great dad with a decent sec life. Men don’t respond to talking more than once or twice so just drop that. Look hot and be enthusiastic about sex whenever the time is right.
I never initiate with my DH for what it’s worth, I prefer when he’s the tiger, so maybe cut back on that. It can be emasculating if it’s persistent.

[Anonymous]

Find some porn with things you enjoy (or want him to try) and play it for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re asking to much. He sounds sweet! Most women would love any intimacy at all after a quiet evening at home. Life isn’t a romance novel. Be grateful you have a faithful sweet guy and great dad with a decent sec life. Men don’t respond to talking more than once or twice so just drop that. Look hot and be enthusiastic about sex whenever the time is right.
I never initiate with my DH for what it’s worth, I prefer when he’s the tiger, so maybe cut back on that. It can be emasculating if it’s persistent.

Seriously. Op has an amazing life. Maybe go away for a romantic weekend or something, but stop fixating on what you don't have. That kind of thinking will lead you to blow up the great things you do have. Practice gratitude for the next 30 days. Work on appreciating him for who he is, in an active way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. No solutions but I have the exact same problem. I have talked to DH and he tried for two days but then it went back to normal. The "touch him the way you want to be touched" theory hasn't worked out, for me. I always initiate and he has complained when I was coy about initiating -- "Let's go to bed" instead of "Let's have sex now." I don't know, I'm stuck.

Commiseration - same problem here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Massages. Sexy lingerie. Initiate on the couch before you go to bed. Does he work out? That increases testosterone.

Oh, and learn to make paragraphs.

Any tips to encourage him to do this without nagging? I would seriously love suggestions. I know she would feel better and have more energy (he's always complaining about being exhausted), and the sex drive thing would be a nice perk too. But there doesn't seem to be a good way to get him to get into it...

(Not OP ftr)

[Anonymous]

send him a flirty txt and then crank it up to sexting

[Anonymous]

You’re asking to much. He sounds sweet! Most women would love any intimacy at all after a quiet evening at home. Life isn’t a romance novel. Be grateful you have a faithful sweet guy and great dad with a decent sec life. Men don’t respond to talking more than once or twice so just drop that. Look hot and be enthusiastic about sex whenever the time is right.
I never initiate with my DH for what it’s worth, I prefer when he’s the tiger, so maybe cut back on that. It can be emasculating if it’s persistent.

Not OP but the issue it seems is that her DH does not initiate. She would also prefer him to be the tiger.

OP, I'm in a similar boat. I just think DH is wired differently, sexually, and more closed off/prudish. We've discussed it and he's admitted it but it hasn't fundamentally changed things. One thing is that I've stopped expecting him to do a lot of that stuff. I take things into my own hands, so to speak. I wish there were more passion, but there is at least satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

OP deal with this NOW. You think that 35 is your sexual peak, but you have no idea what happens to women after 40, and unfortunately what happens to men after 40. Get on the same page now while you can to establish good communication and expectations.

[Anonymous]

Text him an unsolicited photo of your boobs, or your butt, or legs if that's what he likes. Send with no message, or just a brief flirty message like, we miss you. Or, can't wait until tonight or...whatever. This shouldn't be difficult. Men are visual creatures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Text him an unsolicited photo of your boobs, or your butt, or legs if that's what he likes. Send with no message, or just a brief flirty message like, we miss you. Or, can't wait until tonight or...whatever. This shouldn't be difficult. Men are visual creatures.

This is so unbelievably desperate. If you’re already initiating and then sexting on top of that, you’re basically having a sexual relationship with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Seriously. Op has an amazing life. Maybe go away for a romantic weekend or something, but stop fixating on what you don't have. That kind of thinking will lead you to blow up the great things you do have. Practice gratitude for the next 30 days. Work on appreciating him for who he is, in an active way.

Exactly this. Pretty sure you’re a guy, kudos! We get it.

Too many marriages end because a wife focuses on what she doesn’t have instead of building on what she does have.