DS hiding food again!

[Anonymous]

The more you restrict, the more he will hide.

Kids who never get junk food are the ones who binge at my house. They are the kids who inhale 5 slices of pizza because they never get it. Example, DD made cupcakes last weekend and we still have 15 of the 24 on the counter.

She and her friend made sugar cookies over Xmas break and that friend, who isn’t allowed sugar or junk at home, ate EIGHT cookies once done. She then took more home to try to hide them from her parents.

Having junk in the house and using it as a teaching tool to make smart choices is more effective IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not overweight, and he’s welcome to eat anything in the kitchen/pantry. There’s always food around that requires little effort in the way of prep. But it isn’t crappy junk food. He buys or is gifted junk food (including by his g’parents, which is a whole other issue) that, instead of just consuming, he brings home and hides. Unfortunately for him, we have a food-motivated dog who always finds it. Then the dog is sick from eating human junk food, and DS is in trouble again. It used to be worse, and then it was always candy. We went a couple of years without many issues, but now that he can walk out of school at the end of the day and into a convenience store, we have issues again.

DS gets an allowance, and I’ve told him that he’s in MS, and I expect he will sometimes eat junk food with his friends. I would prefer that he at least opt for say the pretzels or the candy bar with nuts rather than a soda, but I don’t pretend I can micromanage those choices. He knows he is not allowed to hide it in the house, though.

While we don’t keep junk food in the house, we have treats occasionally. We have dessert after dinner about once a week. When we’re out and about, we’ll sometimes have a treat like ice cream. DS also goes to starbucks with me 1-2 per week after walking the dog.

Should I take away his allowance? Make him go to after school care like a little kid? He has to learn to manage his freedom (and money), but I am so sick of the sneaky food bs.

You should give him a space to keep the food he is given that is safe from the dog. Them he will feel like he has to hide it. My son has a space in a cabinet with trick or treat candy, bday, bday party, etc. He know it is his, but at this point has to ask to eat it. But knowing it is his is half of the pleasure. If we made him get rid of it, I could see him hiding it.

[Anonymous]

So many parents here are over the top controlling. (Not just OP.) Of course he’s hiding the junk food. When you found out he had junk food, per your OP, what happened? He got in trouble. You just reinforced the reason he feels he has to his the junk food from you.

Now consider this. He feels he has to hide junk food from you because you’re going to overreact to his openness and honesty, or be dismissive of his feelings and desires. Imagine what’s going to happen when he is faced with a bigger decision than junk food. Who’s he going to turn to? Mom who loses her shit and punishes him over some chips, Dad who sits back and lets mom go bananas over food, or his friends who know no more than he does and have questionable judgment skills because they’re also in middle school but don’t freak out on him over every little thing?

[Anonymous]

From personal experience, the best thing to do is remove the pressure that your child now feels to sneak food. That is a much worse eating disorder than eating too much junk food (and there is a range of reasonableness on that judgment, not just one answer) and will only lead to sneaking and eating too much even as an adult. While I am normally a strict parent who gives consequences for disobedience, this is one time I would not punish for the disobedience aspect. I would talk it through and then back off.

[Anonymous]

Give him a space for where he can ut his snacks that the dog can't get into.

If he can't comply with that then he loses the snack money privilege.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretzels are special junk food to you?

I don’t find them all that “special,” but yes, they are junk food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teens want some control over their lives, and for some, food is it. You won't be able to control "no junk food", so if you want to reduce the sneakiness, you should discuss it with your DS and agree on something reasonable. If there is no one else who will eat his food, set up a place in the pantry where he can store it. If he's taking it to his room to hide it from siblings - see if some sort of sealed container out of the dog's reach will work to keep it "safe" but not a hazard. Find a way to support his growing independence, while still managing the most important things to you (keeping the dog from getting sick, keeping the house clean.)

What’s most important to me is a combination of things. I absolutely do not want food hidden in the house or consumed in the house outside the kitchen/eating areas. But I also want him to develop good eating habits. To that end, we don’t buy junk. When he has had things like Halloween candy or we have chips leftover from a gathering, those remain in the pantry until he finishes eating them. But we don’t stock stuff like that. I encourage him to shoot for 80/20 - 80% of the food he consumes should be nutritious, whole foods. 20% can be junk that he eats outside the house or when go out/have treats. I haven’t banned him from buying junk or consuming it other places, nor have I tried. I’m only truly hardcore about soda. Other than that, as long as he doesn’t forge on so much junk that he isn’t willing to eat a healthy dinner, it’s totally fine. And I emphasize that a good way to help maintain an 80/20 breakdown is by not keeping junk in the house and treating it as the exception, not the rule. The issue is that he’s unwilling (apparently) to accept what seem to me to be those pretty reasonable parameters. Instead, he’s hiding junk food in his soccer bag, tennis bag, school bag, closet, etc. Our dog finds it, even if it’s just the empty wrappers.

I believe he needs to practice money management and have the independence to make some food choices, and I’m trying to strike the balance between that and letting him create awful dietary habits that will plague him in years to come. He also has younger siblings who have not yet been introduced to a lot of the junk food DS can access, and I certainly don’t want them copying a junk food habit. The sneakiness does worry me very much, and the fact that he’s willing to lie, sneak, and hide for this crap makes me think it’s worse (read addictive) than I previously thought. Part of being a kid, even a teen, is accepting reasonable parental restrictions. Yet apparently crappy faux food product is worth the disappointment and trouble it causes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take him to the grocery store and let him pick all the junk food he wants and have him eat it all in one day and finish it all. He will most likely feel sick and never want to touch it again.

Ha. I did a version of this when we were out one day years ago. I said yes to every treat he asked for. He threw up on the way home. He has exercised a little more moderation since then. But this is different. He isn’t eating so much it makes him sick, though he does sometimes eat enough junk that he (mostly) skips his dinner. I honestly can’t determine whether this is about the food or if it’s a power thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more you restrict, the more he will hide.

Kids who never get junk food are the ones who binge at my house. They are the kids who inhale 5 slices of pizza because they never get it. Example, DD made cupcakes last weekend and we still have 15 of the 24 on the counter.

She and her friend made sugar cookies over Xmas break and that friend, who isn’t allowed sugar or junk at home, ate EIGHT cookies once done. She then took more home to try to hide them from her parents.

Having junk in the house and using it as a teaching tool to make smart choices is more effective IMO.

It’s not like we never have junk food, but we don’t keep it in the house if we can help it. We have pizza once about every 2nd or 3rd week, and we frequently take DS for a cheeseburger after sports competitions, where he sometimes also orders a shake (his choice every time). We have a total ban on soda, but DS often orders lemonade when we dine out. Every few weeks, DS and I make cookies and each of the kids can put one in his/her lunch every day til they’re gone. And it’s not like we’re having mung beans and sprouts the rest of the time. We have meals that DS enjoys (based on both his self-report and usual consumption). We also almost always have leftovers, so it isn’t that he’s not getting enough to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teens want some control over their lives, and for some, food is it. You won't be able to control "no junk food", so if you want to reduce the sneakiness, you should discuss it with your DS and agree on something reasonable. If there is no one else who will eat his food, set up a place in the pantry where he can store it. If he's taking it to his room to hide it from siblings - see if some sort of sealed container out of the dog's reach will work to keep it "safe" but not a hazard. Find a way to support his growing independence, while still managing the most important things to you (keeping the dog from getting sick, keeping the house clean.)

What’s most important to me is a combination of things. I absolutely do not want food hidden in the house or consumed in the house outside the kitchen/eating areas. But I also want him to develop good eating habits. To that end, we don’t buy junk. When he has had things like Halloween candy or we have chips leftover from a gathering, those remain in the pantry until he finishes eating them. But we don’t stock stuff like that. I encourage him to shoot for 80/20 - 80% of the food he consumes should be nutritious, whole foods. 20% can be junk that he eats outside the house or when go out/have treats. I haven’t banned him from buying junk or consuming it other places, nor have I tried. I’m only truly hardcore about soda. Other than that, as long as he doesn’t forge on so much junk that he isn’t willing to eat a healthy dinner, it’s totally fine. And I emphasize that a good way to help maintain an 80/20 breakdown is by not keeping junk in the house and treating it as the exception, not the rule. The issue is that he’s unwilling (apparently) to accept what seem to me to be those pretty reasonable parameters. Instead, he’s hiding junk food in his soccer bag, tennis bag, school bag, closet, etc. Our dog finds it, even if it’s just the empty wrappers.

I believe he needs to practice money management and have the independence to make some food choices, and I’m trying to strike the balance between that and letting him create awful dietary habits that will plague him in years to come. He also has younger siblings who have not yet been introduced to a lot of the junk food DS can access, and I certainly don’t want them copying a junk food habit. The sneakiness does worry me very much, and the fact that he’s willing to lie, sneak, and hide for this crap makes me think it’s worse (read addictive) than I previously thought. Part of being a kid, even a teen, is accepting reasonable parental restrictions. Yet apparently crappy faux food product is worth the disappointment and trouble it causes.

NP. I have preschoolers who have not yet been introduced to any junk food. I understand where you're coming from, and I actually think you're mostly being pretty reasonable. My suggestions: First, I wouldn't talk about an empty wrapper in a gym bag as "hiding junk food". It just makes you sound crazy. There obviously wasn't a trash can around when he finished, and he didn't want to litter. I'd be commending my kid for environmental awareness. Just tell him that he needs to walk through the garage or mud room before entering the house, put a trash can there (with a lid for the dog) and tell him you want him to clean out his bag before he walks in the house. Because you don't want rodents in the rooms. If he breaks the rule, he's in trouble. Also set up a cubby locker thing (with latch for the dog) where he can store his (sealed up) treats that he wants to take with him next time he goes out to a soccer game. No junk allowed inside the house. That sounds very reasonable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many parents here are over the top controlling. (Not just OP.) Of course he’s hiding the junk food. When you found out he had junk food, per your OP, what happened? He got in trouble. You just reinforced the reason he feels he has to his the junk food from you.

Now consider this. He feels he has to hide junk food from you because you’re going to overreact to his openness and honesty, or be dismissive of his feelings and desires. Imagine what’s going to happen when he is faced with a bigger decision than junk food. Who’s he going to turn to? Mom who loses her shit and punishes him over some chips, Dad who sits back and lets mom go bananas over food, or his friends who know no more than he does and have questionable judgment skills because they’re also in middle school but don’t freak out on him over every little thing?

We actually have a really good relationship other than the food hiding. He’s very communicative about what’s happening in his life. I make an effort not to overreact when he shares information, even if I’m not wild about it, and I think that has paid off. When he receives food (like chocolate bars at the holidays) and he’s up front about it, they go in the pantry and he eats them over time. No one seizes them, and I don’t make a big deal about it unless he’s using them as a meal substitute. I think the issue comes when those things run out. I wouldn’t be ok with him buying his own junk food to keep in the house because then it isn’t the exception anymore, it becomes the rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll.

I wish I had the leisure to simply troll DCUM. Thanks for the alert, though.

[Anonymous]

You're making an issue out of nothing. Tell him he can have junk food in his room as long as he keeps it out of reach of the dog. If you make a big deal out of it, that will drive him to be "rebellious" and more sneaky about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teens want some control over their lives, and for some, food is it. You won't be able to control "no junk food", so if you want to reduce the sneakiness, you should discuss it with your DS and agree on something reasonable. If there is no one else who will eat his food, set up a place in the pantry where he can store it. If he's taking it to his room to hide it from siblings - see if some sort of sealed container out of the dog's reach will work to keep it "safe" but not a hazard. Find a way to support his growing independence, while still managing the most important things to you (keeping the dog from getting sick, keeping the house clean.)

What’s most important to me is a combination of things. I absolutely do not want food hidden in the house or consumed in the house outside the kitchen/eating areas. But I also want him to develop good eating habits. To that end, we don’t buy junk. When he has had things like Halloween candy or we have chips leftover from a gathering, those remain in the pantry until he finishes eating them. But we don’t stock stuff like that. I encourage him to shoot for 80/20 - 80% of the food he consumes should be nutritious, whole foods. 20% can be junk that he eats outside the house or when go out/have treats. I haven’t banned him from buying junk or consuming it other places, nor have I tried. I’m only truly hardcore about soda. Other than that, as long as he doesn’t forge on so much junk that he isn’t willing to eat a healthy dinner, it’s totally fine. And I emphasize that a good way to help maintain an 80/20 breakdown is by not keeping junk in the house and treating it as the exception, not the rule. The issue is that he’s unwilling (apparently) to accept what seem to me to be those pretty reasonable parameters. Instead, he’s hiding junk food in his soccer bag, tennis bag, school bag, closet, etc. Our dog finds it, even if it’s just the empty wrappers.

I believe he needs to practice money management and have the independence to make some food choices, and I’m trying to strike the balance between that and letting him create awful dietary habits that will plague him in years to come. He also has younger siblings who have not yet been introduced to a lot of the junk food DS can access, and I certainly don’t want them copying a junk food habit. The sneakiness does worry me very much, and the fact that he’s willing to lie, sneak, and hide for this crap makes me think it’s worse (read addictive) than I previously thought. Part of being a kid, even a teen, is accepting reasonable parental restrictions. Yet apparently crappy faux food product is worth the disappointment and trouble it causes.

You clearly have good intentions, but by having so many rules you a creating the bad habits you don't want him to have. The fact that you would describe his choices as disappointing is really problematic. I was raised in a very food restrictive household. I left home with both a serious eating disorder and a hardcore candy habit (basically I ate two candy bars a day and very little else for years). With my own daughter, I deliberately have very few rules. Since she was 6, she's had a candy jar in her room that I do not monitor. For years, I had to hide it when other kids came over because they would descend on it and eat every candy. But she knows it's there, so she might eat a candy or two, but she'd rather eat fruit.