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[quote=Anonymous]OP I had a similar dynamic. I was depressed much of my adult life until I met my husband  who has provided a stable healthy, loving relationship. I haven’t had major depression since. A huge part of my depression was the fact my family placed conditions on their love for me. I never felt they really loved me and I never felt they would be my support network.  I’m straight but I married an Arab Muslim. And that drove them bonkers.

In the mean time, they also highly favored and spoiled my brother.   However, I didn’t feel jealous of him. I was actually happy because that took pressure off me to be close to them. I envisioned him taking care of them in their old age, not me.

So, a couple of things:. Learn to create and maintain healthy caring relationships, friends and romances both. Create your healthy social support network. If you are having trouble, as I did, therapy helps.

Set strict boundaries with your family. For me, I left the house if my parents engaged in racist discussions. Which happened almost every time I went over. I used to debate with them, but instead I just politely excused myself and left. This did modify their behavior. But don’t make that a goal. I got lucky. Not everyone changes their behavior.

I’d work through the jealousy in therapy. It’s natural to feel that way because your brother has the parents you always wanted. And that hurts. But he’s a kid and he can’t help how they are or how they treat the two of you differently. Try to work on cultivating a healthy sibling bond.

Mourn the fact you won’t have the parents you want. It’s ok to be sad. I have a son now and I’m doing my best to create for him the unconditional, healthy love every child needs. That has given me a strength I didn’t realize I had. I absolutely don’t take shit from my parents now. Dad calling my infant a towel head, I’m out. Not a second thought....

You can do this.

[/quote]

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