I don’t want to have a child because I feel like I’m already married to one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but I have to say, a lot of this is just a matter of male vs. female priorities.

You felt compelled to have all of the regular chores done despite your illness. If he were sick, he would just let the laundry pile up and the probably even the cat litter, frankly. I completely understand why you want him to pick up the slack on things that matter to you while you are sick, but being incredulous about his not automatically doing so is going to make your situation worse not better.

Go park yourself in bed and ask him to do x, y, and z. Keep it short and sweet and don't be angry about having to ask. Let him do it his way. I have been through all of what you are describing with my own husband and things have gotten A LOT better, so there is hope. Start with ditching the outrage.

Please don't make sweeping generalizations about gender this way. Not all men do that. My husband absolutely sends me to bed when I'm sick, and PRIDES himself on keeping the house running on his own. He whips out the stock pot to make ME chicken soup when I'm starting to get sick. He blasts music and has our girls help him clean the common areas. He folds laundry on our bed at night while telling me what happened during the day since I slept through it. If I could clone him and send the clones out into the universe for my fellow sister-women, I would.

Ok, but this is what her husband did. And that is the topic of the post. I am sincerely happy for you that your husband is a stellar human being, but most people are, by definition, average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you do ll that when you were sick? Go to bed! Don't make him a separate soup! Why grocery shop with him? What the heck.

+1! Go to bed OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a bunch of control freaks. So typical of DCUM. OP did it ever occur to you that the problem is that just because you TOLD him to do something it does not require that it be done right away? He's not a child. Nothing you mentioned was an emergency or time-sensitive. God forbid the laundry get done on ::gasp:: Monday! Just because you want the litter box cleaned out RIGHT now does not require your DH to obey your every command. Stop treating him like a child and perhaps he will stop acting like one. Why don't you try treating him as an equal partner and see how that works out.

An equal partner doesn't ask you to help them make their own lunch for the next day. There are always people that blame the partner who is actually doing the work as though by doing it they're creating it, but OP's husband sounds particularly childish.

OP I agree he sounds like a PITA, but you shouldn't have even been going to the grocery store with the flu. If you're going to end up doing all the chores anyway, at least go to bed and get better before tackling them. Also the "man flu" thing is a double-edged sword: because my otherwise lovely DH is *such* an unbelievable whiner when he's sick, he actually doesn't realize how bad I feel when I'm sick because I don't do the same. I have started telling him clearly "I feel like death you need to take care of me" and he's much more helpful than if I'm just being stoic but pitiful (which is what I would consider doing laundry/ grocery shopping/ cleaning dishes + litter box while having the flu).

[Anonymous]

If you have the flu, why did you agree to make a different soup for him in addition to the one you were planning to make? Did you help him make his lunch or set up his phone? I am on your side about not having children with a giant man-baby, but if you're doing all of this stuff while silently seething, that's not really helping either. Believe me, I was there, we did have kids, it's still an issue and now I'm trying to work through it with him when we have even less time and energy to do it. If I'd had the confidence and self-awareness to do it at the time, I would have dealt with it before kids, and either it would have changed or we probably would have gotten divorced. Now I'm trying to keep us from getting to divorce because I don't want that for our kids if I can avoid it, but it's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you posted before? This sounds familiar.

Is your DH Tattoo Regret DH?

[Anonymous]

This happens to me a lot but I am a DW and I side with your DH. Just because you say that's the list for sunday doesn't mean it's the law. And if he wanted to clean the litterbox at 11pm that's his choice. Your priorities and preferences aren't gospel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a bunch of control freaks. So typical of DCUM. OP did it ever occur to you that the problem is that just because you TOLD him to do something it does not require that it be done right away? He's not a child. Nothing you mentioned was an emergency or time-sensitive. God forbid the laundry get done on ::gasp:: Monday! Just because you want the litter box cleaned out RIGHT now does not require your DH to obey your every command. Stop treating him like a child and perhaps he will stop acting like one. Why don't you try treating him as an equal partner and see how that works out.

I’m a woman and I 100% agree. I’m also childless by choice, but that’s kind of another tangent.

My first thought was that he really didn’t do anything that bad. So he didn’t handle the litter box immediately. You barely gave him a chance to and assumed it wouldn’t get done, so you had a meltdown. He didn’t want chicken soup, so if you didn’t feel like cooking something else, simply say so. “Honey I’m really tired and I need to lay down. Go on and make yourself whatever you want.” Not hard to respond in a not-snippy way, really. If he whines about his phone or whatever, let him whine. I usually direct my DH to YouTube or google for things like that. Honestly, I can see your DH posting here being like “if I don’t do exactly what DW wants the moment she requests it, she flips out. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her because she’s always mad about something.” You need to lighten up. I get that you’re sick but it sounds like it’s just making you more testy than usual. I sure hope you don’t treat him like this all the time.

[Anonymous]

It would help if OP stopped acting like a mother. Why go to the grocery store with DH? That makes no sense. Why clean out the litter box? Why make dinner at all, much less agree to make a separate one? If you are sick, you go to bed and you let.some.of.the.control go.

If you keep mothering/babying him, he's going to keep living up to your expectations.

FWIW, if you are the "tattoo regret DH" then I change my answer and you should divorce him now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you do ll that when you were sick? Go to bed! Don't make him a separate soup! Why grocery shop with him? What the heck.

Yeah, I don't get this.

I actually think this complaining about "men-children" is the work of one complainy troll. I don't know men like this.

[Anonymous]

It's a well-known trope in society. If you ever watch that home show with Joanna Gaines, she has this weird dynamic with her husband like she's the adult and he's this gigantic weird goofy kid. She's always telling him to calm down and grow up, stop doing stupid dangerous stuff. He does stuff like buying 3 dogs and bringing them home -- to a house where there's a lady with a full-time job and four kids. And she sort of rolls her eyes like "Isn't he a loveable man baby?" There are a lot of sit-coms where the guy is so "funny" and "cute" when he whines and refuses to do chores.

I think the way to get rid of people like this is to stop treating it like it's an adorable lovable character flaw and calling it what it is -- being a lazy asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a well-known trope in society. If you ever watch that home show with Joanna Gaines, she has this weird dynamic with her husband like she's the adult and he's this gigantic weird goofy kid. She's always telling him to calm down and grow up, stop doing stupid dangerous stuff. He does stuff like buying 3 dogs and bringing them home -- to a house where there's a lady with a full-time job and four kids. And she sort of rolls her eyes like "Isn't he a loveable man baby?" There are a lot of sit-coms where the guy is so "funny" and "cute" when he whines and refuses to do chores.

I think the way to get rid of people like this is to stop treating it like it's an adorable lovable character flaw and calling it what it is -- being a lazy asshole.

Good lord, could the man-hating be any more prevalent on this post? You're completely assuming that he's a lazy asshole simply because OP says he won't obey her commands the minute she announces them. It sounds like OP's real complaint is that he's not being a good little minion and following her every little direction to a T.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a well-known trope in society. If you ever watch that home show with Joanna Gaines, she has this weird dynamic with her husband like she's the adult and he's this gigantic weird goofy kid. She's always telling him to calm down and grow up, stop doing stupid dangerous stuff. He does stuff like buying 3 dogs and bringing them home -- to a house where there's a lady with a full-time job and four kids. And she sort of rolls her eyes like "Isn't he a loveable man baby?" There are a lot of sit-coms where the guy is so "funny" and "cute" when he whines and refuses to do chores.

I think the way to get rid of people like this is to stop treating it like it's an adorable lovable character flaw and calling it what it is -- being a lazy asshole.

Good lord, could the man-hating be any more prevalent on this post? You're completely assuming that he's a lazy asshole simply because OP says he won't obey her commands the minute she announces them. It sounds like OP's real complaint is that he's not being a good little minion and following her every little direction to a T.

No.

I’m asking him to contribute to his fair share of the household duties. I’m hoping he will be perceptive enougb to recognize when I’m sick to pick up the slack
around the house and not play on his computer all day while the laundry piles up and the cat box starts to smell. I take care of him when he’s sick, and trust me that man doesn’t lift a finger when he has a cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens to me a lot but I am a DW and I side with your DH. Just because you say that's the list for sunday doesn't mean it's the law. And if he wanted to clean the litterbox at 11pm that's his choice. Your priorities and preferences aren't gospel.

Implicit in your comment about cleaning the litterbox at 11 pm is being able to trust that your partner will do the things they say they will, even if on a different timeline. If my DH says at 2 pm that he'll do X chore that needs to get done that day (e.g., the litterbox is starting to smell or the cat won't use it if it gets too befouled) and I know that he's reliable about doing the things he says he will, then when it's 8 pm and everything but that chore is done, I could be done for the day knowing that the chore will get done at some point that night even if I don't think about it again. But if my DH is not reliable in that regard, then at 8 pm when only that chore is left, I have to decide whether I want to 1) keep nagging at him all night to do it, 2) accept that it may not get done and I'll have to deal with it in the morning, or 3) just do it myself now. None of those are appealing options, but if that's what I have to choose from, I'm probably going to pick #3 because that minimizes the negative impact on my of his laziness and lack of responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a well-known trope in society. If you ever watch that home show with Joanna Gaines, she has this weird dynamic with her husband like she's the adult and he's this gigantic weird goofy kid. She's always telling him to calm down and grow up, stop doing stupid dangerous stuff. He does stuff like buying 3 dogs and bringing them home -- to a house where there's a lady with a full-time job and four kids. And she sort of rolls her eyes like "Isn't he a loveable man baby?" There are a lot of sit-coms where the guy is so "funny" and "cute" when he whines and refuses to do chores.

I think the way to get rid of people like this is to stop treating it like it's an adorable lovable character flaw and calling it what it is -- being a lazy asshole.

Good lord, could the man-hating be any more prevalent on this post? You're completely assuming that he's a lazy asshole simply because OP says he won't obey her commands the minute she announces them. It sounds like OP's real complaint is that he's not being a good little minion and following her every little direction to a T.

No.

I’m asking him to contribute to his fair share of the household duties. I’m hoping he will be perceptive enougb to recognize when I’m sick to pick up the slack
around the house and not play on his computer all day while the laundry piles up and the cat box starts to smell. I take care of him when he’s sick, and trust me that man doesn’t lift a finger when he has a cold.

Good luck, you are going to need it!

[Anonymous]

I feel like there are two issues here. DH sounds like a bit of a man baby in some regards (needs help packing his lunch? boy, bye) but OP also sounds like a control freak/martyr type.