How do I convince family that I'm happy living a mediocre life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I applaud your lifestyle choices. However, could this be perhaps motivated by concern over your old age? As next of kin, caring for you will fall to them and their children if you are not prepared. I know you've inherited some money, but is it really going to be enough? What is the plan for you as a single, childless person to have care as you age? My sister is like you (without the inheritance) and I do sometimes wonder.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

I would bean dip and change the subject. Or turn their concern into something positive. "Why yes I'm very happy volunteering for a closet I feel passionate about! I'm glad that I have the free time to pursue my passions and help others!"

"Why yes I do want to marry when I'm with the right person! Life's too short to be in an unhappy marriage!"

[Anonymous]

Do not seek their approval. Sounds like their judgements of you have you second guessing your choices. Live the life you want to live. They have made their own decisions and are living their lives with the outcomes of their decisions. Savor each day. Life is short.

[Anonymous]

Call your life "relaxing" or "fulfilling", not "mediocre".

And assure them that it's what you really, really want. Not just something you settled for because you didn't think you could do/get better.

And then live your life and show them you're happy and I'm sure they'll be happy for you too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call your life "relaxing" or "fulfilling", not "mediocre".

And assure them that it's what you really, really want. Not just something you settled for because you didn't think you could do/get better.

And then live your life and show them you're happy and I'm sure they'll be happy for you too

Not OP, but this is not how it works. In my case, family finally stopped voicing their judgement, which works for me. They don't understand but can keep it to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I applaud your lifestyle choices. However, could this be perhaps motivated by concern over your old age? As next of kin, caring for you will fall to them and their children if you are not prepared. I know you've inherited some money, but is it really going to be enough? What is the plan for you as a single, childless person to have care as you age? My sister is like you (without the inheritance) and I do sometimes wonder.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Their attitude could be coming from a place of concern over your future, and maybe even what you might expect or ask of them down the road. Do you have enough money to support yourself in retirement, or do they worry that you will come asking them for money or support when your inheritance runs out in the years to come? Do they worry that you will be lonely without a partner in your future? I'm not saying that their prying questions or comments are fair or appropriate, I only point this out so that perhaps you can rethink how they are viewing this situation and tailor your responses accordingly.

[Anonymous]

How I have this problem to I'm the only girl between two over achieving Brothers. They act like I must be so miserable living in my 3 bedroom ranch style home with my kids and husband not going any fancy vacations. Shopping with coupons and waiting for things to go on sale. They just don't understand never will and I find that I just don't spend as much time with them as I would like to. Their wives are insufferable, and look on us with great pity. So far as to even offer to take one of my children off my hands for summer so that they could live The Good Life with them.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, you sound awesome and I wish I could be like you. I was you at 30, but somehow got sucked into family life and all that.
I don't think you will ever convince them they need to look down on someone to feel happy. Just smile on the inside as they try to get to you!

[Anonymous]

"I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I ?"
- a line from Legally Blonde but it applies to many situations. Op, you aren't going to "convince" anyone of anything. Stop working at it, or making it any focus at all. If you enjoy these people, spend time with them. If you don't, then minimize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I applaud your lifestyle choices. However, could this be perhaps motivated by concern over your old age? As next of kin, caring for you will fall to them and their children if you are not prepared. I know you've inherited some money, but is it really going to be enough? What is the plan for you as a single, childless person to have care as you age? My sister is like you (without the inheritance) and I do sometimes wonder.

Lol.

NP here. Why is this funny?

After seeing what's involved in taking care of two aging family members, I also wonder about the futures of single, childless friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I applaud your lifestyle choices. However, could this be perhaps motivated by concern over your old age? As next of kin, caring for you will fall to them and their children if you are not prepared. I know you've inherited some money, but is it really going to be enough? What is the plan for you as a single, childless person to have care as you age? My sister is like you (without the inheritance) and I do sometimes wonder.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Their attitude could be coming from a place of concern over your future, and maybe even what you might expect or ask of them down the road. Do you have enough money to support yourself in retirement, or do they worry that you will come asking them for money or support when your inheritance runs out in the years to come? Do they worry that you will be lonely without a partner in your future? I'm not saying that their prying questions or comments are fair or appropriate, I only point this out so that perhaps you can rethink how they are viewing this situation and tailor your responses accordingly.

This is my guess too. My husband's family is going through a very stressful time at the moment because the brother who didn't marry/have kids and who worked a part time job now needs lots of care. He also got an inheritance from his parents, but it wasn't nearly enough to fund his whole retirement. He got cancer and is recovering, but doesn't have any money to pay for home health care and there are big gaps in what Medicaid covers and what he needs. So he is now relying on nephews and nieces who are trying to raise their own kids and send them to college etc. I barely know him but definitely resent how he got to take it easy in his 30s and beyond while now DH and I have to pitch in to fund his care.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you are Human Being not a Human Doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I applaud your lifestyle choices. However, could this be perhaps motivated by concern over your old age? As next of kin, caring for you will fall to them and their children if you are not prepared. I know you've inherited some money, but is it really going to be enough? What is the plan for you as a single, childless person to have care as you age? My sister is like you (without the inheritance) and I do sometimes wonder.

Lol.

NP here. Why is this funny?

After seeing what's involved in taking care of two aging family members, I also wonder about the futures of single, childless friends.

Maybe you didn't hear but we don't all live in a part of the world where daughters are expected to give up their own lives to care for aging parents.

Everyone needs to figure out their longterm plans, whether they have children or not. Your children are not a retirement plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I applaud your lifestyle choices. However, could this be perhaps motivated by concern over your old age? As next of kin, caring for you will fall to them and their children if you are not prepared. I know you've inherited some money, but is it really going to be enough? What is the plan for you as a single, childless person to have care as you age? My sister is like you (without the inheritance) and I do sometimes wonder.

Lol.

NP here. Why is this funny?

After seeing what's involved in taking care of two aging family members, I also wonder about the futures of single, childless friends.

Maybe you didn't hear but we don't all live in a part of the world where daughters are expected to give up their own lives to care for aging parents.

Everyone needs to figure out their longterm plans, whether they have children or not. Your children are not a retirement plan.

I don't think this is just about having children. OP says she is working part time and implied she is not overly concerned about making money. Of course we don't know her situation, maybe she inherited millions, or maybe she lives very frugally and is socking away retirement money. But it is also possible that her free spirit means she just doesn't think that hard about the future. We also have a single, childless uncle like that in my family, and we absolutely worry about who will pay for him and take care of him as he ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I applaud your lifestyle choices. However, could this be perhaps motivated by concern over your old age? As next of kin, caring for you will fall to them and their children if you are not prepared. I know you've inherited some money, but is it really going to be enough? What is the plan for you as a single, childless person to have care as you age? My sister is like you (without the inheritance) and I do sometimes wonder.

Lol.

NP here. Why is this funny?

After seeing what's involved in taking care of two aging family members, I also wonder about the futures of single, childless friends.

Maybe you didn't hear but we don't all live in a part of the world where daughters are expected to give up their own lives to care for aging parents.

Everyone needs to figure out their longterm plans, whether they have children or not. Your children are not a retirement plan.

I don't think this is just about having children. OP says she is working part time and implied she is not overly concerned about making money. Of course we don't know her situation, maybe she inherited millions, or maybe she lives very frugally and is socking away retirement money. But it is also possible that her free spirit means she just doesn't think that hard about the future. We also have a single, childless uncle like that in my family, and we absolutely worry about who will pay for him and take care of him as he ages.

And I have a sister like that as well. She's also a borderline hoarder. I sincerely think her plan B is living in my basement in retirement, but no way in heck would I ever allow that. She's avoided full-time work for literally years, and I don't see how she'll manage retirement if she doesn't hustle and earn some money soon. She's also been living off an inheritance, but it's not an infinite amount of money and it's not enough to secure her future.