Dating a single parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has a terrible schedule for dating, which I would take to mean he isn't really ready to date/get into a relationship.

OP here. Thank you for understanding my question! I in no way want to reduce his time with his kids and fully accept kids come first. I also won't even be meeting his kids for a long time yet. The custody schedule just makes it really difficult to date.

I previously dated a guy who had one week here, one week there custody and it worked great. This schedule and the constant changes makes it really hard to work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s OK to want to go out on the weekends, and be able to take impromptu weekend trips, and having your boyfriend’s undivided attention. There is nothing wrong with wanting those things.

This guy can’t provide you with those things though, so you should move on before you get resentful. There are lots of men out there, who have either never been married/don’t have kids, or whose kids are older and so where they sleep on Saturday night is less of a concern.

+1000

Nothing wrong with wanting a BF who is available on the weekends. This guy isn't. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met a guy recently who has two kids (ages 7 and 10).

I am not sure that this kind of flexible arrangement or the every weekend thing works with dating. His position is that his kids come first [u]and it is saying that has to be flexible to adjust as need be.

Obviously these are all his calls to make and I am not going to tell him otherwise, I am just struggling to see how I can make it work (and I would like to).

THIS!! ??? Bravo Dad!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never date a person who is divorced with children was my my one rule I always stuck to in my dating days. There will ALWAYS be ex-wife drama and most if the time kids are brats.

I dealt with this. The kids were actually adorable but whenever I did projects or baking with them (childless and energetic I was) the mother would complain afterwards that I was too motherly with them! Can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh honey. You are already viewing his time with his kids as an annoying imposition on your couple time. This is not going to work out.

Yup. The f you can't accept his time with the kids as part of the package, he isn't for you. He will find a partner who doesn't resent his commitments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has a terrible schedule for dating, which I would take to mean he isn't really ready to date/get into a relationship.

OP here. Thank you for understanding my question! I in no way want to reduce his time with his kids and fully accept kids come first. I also won't even be meeting his kids for a long time yet. The custody schedule just makes it really difficult to date.

I previously dated a guy who had one week here, one week there custody and it worked great. This schedule and the constant changes makes it really hard to work with.

He has a minimum of 4 nights a week available for you. Most often more. Probably at least every other Saturday, but likely way more, since no Mom willingly gives up time frequently with kids. If you don't have enough of a life of your own that you can't fill three nights a week with professional obligations, getting together with friends and doing things with family and for yourself, then you really don't have enough of your own life to be getting involved in a setious relationship.

If you think a good dad is a guy with a custody schedule that less than 50/50 (absent special circumstances) then you are also not ready to choose a life partner.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom with a custody schedule like you describe. The truth is, it doesn't work for dating. In general, my ex has the kids 1 night a week and every other weekend--except when he doesn't.

Our "family" comes first. We're coming up to bonus time. If ex has to work late, then I have the kids even if it's his night. If working late means he was supposed to take the kids at 5 but can't until 7, then I adjust. Makes it hard though if there are tickets to Caps game that night with someone I'm dating.

As for the weekends, we have a schedule but we just don't seem to follow it much. It works for us. But not for dating. I gave up dating about a year ago.

[Anonymous]

I dump him ASAP. The other PPs make you out to be selfish but I disagree. Why weigh yourself down with this guy with so much baggage? To the PP who said, 'why don't you see how much fun kids are?" that's BS cos they are his kids, not hers. She has no obligation to those kids or to him unless they marry and I hope they don't. Single parent drama sucks and you'll end up with a ton of resentment.

[Anonymous]

I would never date a man with children. Way too much of a headache. Lol at all the butthurt parents who think it’s a privilege to date a single parent.

[Anonymous]

So spend the day together Sundays. Plus you have Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, and possibly Saturday nights.

Why would you want more than half his free time? Who are you?

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy that had his kids every weekend. It was like we weren’t dating because the weekends were most of the free time I had. Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Sure sounds like his Ex optimized custody to make her social life nice. She's got a sitter every Friday night plus Saturday if she wants it? Great for her. For him, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you date him Monday, Wednesday, or Sunday night?

[Anonymous]

How old are you op? If you are young and having plans on the weekend is a priority this is not the man for you. It could work with someone older.

I am divorced with kids and he sounds dreamy. He has his own kids and his own scheduling issues. So he is more likely to relate to my kid and scheduling issues. He isn't going to be clingy. He doesn't have the time. I love spending Friday nights at home alone. I don't get much alone time. . Having someone to catch a matinee and dinner with on Sunday would be great.

Based on your post, I don't think he can give you what you need.

[Anonymous]

If you aren't going to meet the kids "for a long time" obviously this man doesn't feel seriously about you, and it doesn't seem like it's a good fit anyway. I know a few guys that had a string of post divorce "girlfriends" that never met the kids, even if they dated for a few years. When the right woman came along, all of a sudden they were only too ready to have her meet the kids and do some family type activities all together. Sounds like you are a post divorce fling.