anger over ex's new wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have borderline personality disorder?

+1

OP: you just need to show the court that she has symptoms consistent with BPD. They see it frequently, so don't get stressed. Make sure you record what the children are saying and have your lawyer recommend a therapist for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is trying to lock in a higher amount to make sure she still gets enough after you have more kids. It happens a lot and she is not crazy for doing it. You should have expected this.

That doesn't work though. At about month 7 in her new wife's pregnancy he is going to file for a change of child support based on a new child. It's a change in circumstances and since child support is done by calculation exW will be losing money.

[Anonymous]

https://local.theonion.com/new-mommy-a-lot-prettier-1819565481

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is trying to lock in a higher amount to make sure she still gets enough after you have more kids. It happens a lot and she is not crazy for doing it. You should have expected this.

That doesn't work though. At about month 7 in her new wife's pregnancy he is going to file for a change of child support based on a new child. It's a change in circumstances and since child support is done by calculation exW will be losing money.

It will work until then and with old man sperm it could be a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a friend of mine I think it was because her ex was no longer miserable like he was when they divorced.

She was no longer.... in control. He had someone else on his side. She didn't want him, she wanted him to be miserable as long as possible.

This is the answer. 100%.

[Anonymous]

I don't know your situation OP obviously. And I'd never want to do that to my kids. But a lot of things make me resentful:

He was not interested in parenting our kids. Now he parents hers.
He never pays his child support on time. But he goes on expensive vacations with new wife. He never takes our children.
His new wife and he get 5 days out of every 14 to be child free, because her ex takes her kids (that he now lives with). He only spends 48 hours every other weekend with our kids. He has a life; I do not. Because, mom.

And on and on. It's kind of like the conversations Reese Witherspoon has with her ex in "Big Little Lies" where she's still pissed at him for cheating, leaving, getting remarried, having a new kid, being a good parent.... NOW. And he says, "What am I never supposed to learn from my mistakes????"

You totally screwed me over but now you're being nice to this woman who is *not* the mother of your children, and raising kids that are not yours with her?

Well, OK then.

So, while that all likely doesn't relate exactly to your situation, it is rather galling to be stuck with the wreckage an badly behaved ex left behind, while he moves on to a happy new life.

Oh BTW he cheated, so technically I divorced him. There's a difference between asking fora divorce and being responsible for the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my husbands ex-wife. She filed for more child support based off my income. She was horrible to the kids and stopped visitation. The courts were a joke. Hope you have a better outcome than my husband and his kids. Congrat's on getting married.

That's crazy! There is no rationale whatsoever essentially to give her your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have been less than 100% perfect about child support and parenting issues, you have only yourself to blame.

She is trying to lock in a higher amount to make sure she still gets enough after you have more kids. It happens a lot and she is not crazy for doing it. You should have expected this.

If she gets enough money from him now, she will still get enough after he has more kids. If he has more kids, he will have less "surplus" money. It is totally crazy for her to ask for more money for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she file for divorce because you cheated on her?

Sorry, that has zero impact on how much child support she should get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is trying to lock in a higher amount to make sure she still gets enough after you have more kids. It happens a lot and she is not crazy for doing it. You should have expected this.

That doesn't work though. At about month 7 in her new wife's pregnancy he is going to file for a change of child support based on a new child. It's a change in circumstances and since child support is done by calculation exW will be losing money.

That makes no sense. If he has new kids, the older kids still cost the same as they always did. Do child support calculations really cut the obligation to older kids when younger kids arrive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she file for divorce because you cheated on her?

Sorry, that has zero impact on how much child support she should get.

No, it doesn't. But the Op was asking about his ex's anger. Cheating is a good way to make sure the mother of your children hates you... forever. My parents split 30 years ago. My mom still hates him and the affair partner he married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a friend of mine I think it was because her ex was no longer miserable like he was when they divorced.

She was no longer.... in control. He had someone else on his side. She didn't want him, she wanted him to be miserable as long as possible.

This is the answer. 100%.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have been less than 100% perfect about child support and parenting issues, you have only yourself to blame.

She is trying to lock in a higher amount to make sure she still gets enough after you have more kids. It happens a lot and she is not crazy for doing it. You should have expected this.

If she gets enough money from him now, she will still get enough after he has more kids. If he has more kids, he will have less "surplus" money. It is totally crazy for her to ask for more money for this reason.

What if he doesn't even make enough for the kids he has?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because sometimes the new wife is unkind to the children or comes between them and their father. Or has more kids and then the man is not able to adequately parent them all or hold up his end of the deal logistically. And it's just another person to deal with. You are disrupting the established arrangement and nobody knows whether it will be better or worse for the kids.

NP. I find this line of reasoning disingenuous. It's definitely not good for the kids for one parent to suddenly turn on the other and try to use the kids as bargaining chips. Someone who does this does not retain any moral high ground with respect to the kids' best interest. The ex here sounds vindictive, though of course we have only one side of the story.

[Anonymous]

Many good insights here.