If you married “on time”

[Anonymous]

I married my college boyfriend when I was 25 and he was 27. Nobody else I knew was getting married then. We got married because it felt like the right thing to do. And I guess it was, because we are still together and happy almost 18 years later.

[Anonymous]

I married in that range, but I didn't have a million close friends and most didn't getting married at the same time to have it be a frenzy. Maybe one a year and that was about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It felt stupid once I got divorced and realized I should’ve waited for a guy I was crazy about, rather than settling because it was “the right time” according to society.

That's dumb...if you did that at 30 I think it's just as likely you'd have done it at 33 (etc)...maybe you'd have rushed into things even more, if that's what your attitude was like (meaning you would have felt even MORE "behind" and desperate). I do have one of those "weird" (to quote a PP...haha) large group of girlfriends, who are amazing btw. There are 10 of us, 8 who met in college. Anyways: just about half of us got married between 26 and 30. And we all experienced major support, because our friends love and are happy for us. I am one of the ones who got married in my late 20s, and I will tell you honestly I did not feel some big sudden magical divide between "the marrieds" and "the bits". Those differences felt more pronounced: in early-mid 20s, when suddenly more of us were in serious relationships than not, so we weren't a group of single friends going out / meeting guys together (some of these people ended up married, some not, but around then more of is started being on a series of long term relationships with one person at a time as opposed to casual dating), and then when some of us started having kids. Obvious lifestyle differences there. However, we all remain very close and anything I feel for/about my still-unmarried friends is certainly not pity or catty. There are a couple who really want kids, and for them I feel sad and I really hope they meet a wonderful guy - because they are wonderful and deserve to be happy. But I don't feel gloaty or anything like that. I certainly feel lucky that things have gone the way they have for me, partially because I really wanted children and ended up having some unexpected fertility issues...so I'm glad we were able to start early and figure it out. I love that I've had so much time to build a wonderful stable relationship with my husband and create our family, but I can see the fun in doing it the other way, and staying single and carefree for most of my 30s too. Pretty much I am happy for my friends as long as they are happy

[Anonymous]

I went to an urban school - NYU - and didn’t know anyone in a fraternity or sorority. We all married a bit later than my high school friends - in our early to mid-thirties. So I never went through that rush of weddings, showers, etc. in my twenties, but whenever I bumped into a friend from high school when visiting my home town, they seemed to be married.

But yeah, in NYC my work and college friends were definitely on a later timeline.

[Anonymous]

WTF is wrong with you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Around 27-30 girls in a friend group usually start getting engaged and married. One after the other after the other. It’s a frenzy of bridal showers, engagement parties, bachelorettes and weddings. The few girls who aren’t dating or even yet engaged go through a myriad of anxious and self conscious feelings ranging from embarrassment about not having been proposed to yet and to anger at their boyfriends to questioning their worth.

If you were one of the lucky girls who got married “ on time” what did that feel like?

You have 27-30 girl friends who would invite you to their weddings???

[Anonymous]

I didn't have this experience. No frenzy of weddings. I married when I was 34.

[Anonymous]

This thread reminds me. "Married in order" was a term my DH's elderly aunt used. She had 3 daughters and was oddly proud that the oldest married first, and then the middle daughter .. and last the youngest.

[Anonymous]

Does this 27-30 apply to age or number of friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does this 27-30 apply to age or number of friends?

Ohhh, that makes more sense, around the ages of 27-30 ... that explains what "on time" means ... not that the OP had around 27-30 girl friends. Because that is a lot of girl friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 24. We could have waited (started dating in college) but didn’t feel the need to. We’re coming up on 15 years and are still happy together. He’s my best friend and the love of my life. I feel really, really lucky I met him when I did.

Same here. I know its really hard for some people to believe, but some of us really don't want to "live it up" or "sow wild oats." Some of us really truly want to start a future with the right person, make a home, start a family and spend time with their like-minded friends. I didn't like clubbing/bar hopping/frat parties in college, and I didn't want that in my 20's either.

[Anonymous]

I had the frenzy and married myself at 28.

It was a relief more than anything, that I met someone I loved in time to have kids. I certainly don't think I'm special, just lucky. Really lucky because my husband isn't just good enough to have a family with, he's really my best friend and love of my life.

[Anonymous]

Well, we got married at 24 and 26. And I was chomping at the bit already because we'd been dating since mid-college, had careers and lived together already. So in my mind, we were clearly going to make a life together, and I wanted to get on with it officially. And we wanted to buy a house, but I damn sure wasn't going to buy property with someone who wasn't legally bound to me. We've been married 8+ years with one kid so far.

That said, while it was the right move for me personally, there aren't a lot of people ready to get married that young. My bff didn't get married until this year, and no other of my peers from my pre-marriage days are married yet. Peer pressure is no reason to get married.

[Anonymous]

Married at 27 and definitely got caught up in everyone getting married (literally 6 of my closest friends got married in 2007 or 2008). I didn't really do the work to understand if my ex was the right fit. He had a good job, was smart, funny and handsome, but had a really bad anger problem that worsened after we got married. We got divorced 2 years later. Found the right guy well into my 30s and we are happily married now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you were one of the lucky girls who got married “ on time” what did that feel like?

One of the dumbest, most self absorbed questions ever posed here, and that's saying something.