If you married “on time”

[Anonymous]

Around 27-30 girls in a friend group usually start getting engaged and married. One after the other after the other. It’s a frenzy of bridal showers, engagement parties, bachelorettes and weddings. The few girls who aren’t dating or even yet engaged go through a myriad of anxious and self conscious feelings ranging from embarrassment about not having been proposed to yet and to anger at their boyfriends to questioning their worth.

If you were one of the lucky girls who got married “ on time” what did that feel like?

[Anonymous]

It felt stupid once I got divorced and realized I should’ve waited for a guy I was crazy about, rather than settling because it was “the right time” according to society.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 24. We could have waited (started dating in college) but didn’t feel the need to. We’re coming up on 15 years and are still happy together. He’s my best friend and the love of my life. I feel really, really lucky I met him when I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It felt stupid once I got divorced and realized I should’ve waited for a guy I was crazy about, rather than settling because it was “the right time” according to society.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

We all married at about the same time in my small group of college friends. The one who married last ended up divorced rapidly - she may have compromised because she felt pressured to marry like her friends?

[Anonymous]

“The right time” according to society", would have been earlier
You aren't paying attention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We all married at about the same time in my small group of college friends. The one who married last ended up divorced rapidly - she may have compromised because she felt pressured to marry like her friends?

+1 There really is no right time. Many 30-somethings settle because they hear the clock ticking, making them the same as someone who settles in their 20s because all of their friends are getting engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Around 27-30 girls in a friend group usually start getting engaged and married. One after the other after the other. It’s a frenzy of bridal showers, engagement parties, bachelorettes and weddings. The few girls who aren’t dating or even yet engaged go through a myriad of anxious and self conscious feelings ranging from embarrassment about not having been proposed to yet and to anger at their boyfriends to questioning their worth.

If you were one of the lucky girls who got married “ on time” what did that feel like?

Is this a class of middle schoolers? "Girls"? And they have to make huge life decisions to match what their 30 bffs do? Is this a movie plot from 1950?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We all married at about the same time in my small group of college friends. The one who married last ended up divorced rapidly - she may have compromised because she felt pressured to marry like her friends?

+1 There really is no right time. Many 30-somethings settle because they hear the clock ticking, making them the same as someone who settles in their 20s because all of their friends are getting engaged.

So basically you either get lucky and meet the love of your life in your prime or you end up settling because you want a family. No good alternative to not finding your right person.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have one of these weird large groups of all girl friends. I had girlfriends - some i hung out with solo, some in small clusters, some were friends with because they were already married to friends of DH's. Some were guy friends. Some were gay. Some of them got married in the mid 20s. Some didn't. It did not feel like a big flurry of people getting married, as a consequence.

My female friends who had big groups of girlfriends (inevitably they were former sorority sisters -- because that's almost the only way to create such a large group of friends) and got married in their mid 20s had a pretty high divorce rate. I think part of it was social pressure to get married, and part of it was a bit of immaturity that comes with being friends with a large group of girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

I got married before everyone else and didn't really feel any type of way except smart and lucky.

[Anonymous]

I married on the young side for my friends, at 28, but we started dating at 19. It felt like the right time for us because we had been together for so long at that point and had been through long distance, career changes, grad school, etc. I certainly don't think any of my friends are "behind" some imaginary schedule if they're not married yet (we're now 34). I wouldn't necessarily advocate dating for 9 years before settling down if you meet at our current age, but I also certainly wouldn't advocate rushing into anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It felt stupid once I got divorced and realized I should’ve waited for a guy I was crazy about, rather than settling because it was “the right time” according to society.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Timing didn't matter to me. I was just thrilled to find the love of my life early. A decade later and he's still the best guy I've ever met. Great father now too

[Anonymous]

Among my close female friend group, there isn't a single one who did things traditionally or "on time!" We're all early 40s. 4 are unmarried/single - one of those may get married and have a kid eventually; one has a long-term partner (no kids, not going to get married); one married in early 30s and had kids in late 30s. I do have one elementary school close friend who had 2 kids by 27 (but she got pregnant before she got married, and never went to college -- so different circumstances.) As for me, I am unmarried but had a child in my late 30s.

I have plenty of acquaintances who got married and had kids in their early 30s, which seems pretty standard in DC.