old friend dropped bombshell - would love your insights

[Anonymous]

I agree with all the previous posts. She is the one with issues, OP, not you.
Don’t give her your mental energy.
Holding a grudge for 10 years? Not a good friend. Not worth holding onto her.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have time for this.

You were rude so she blew you off for ten years? A friend would have dropped an email that said "you hurt my feelings so let's talk." A friend would not ignore the death of your mom.

You don't need this person in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, she's awful. I had a falling out with a friend and many years went by with no contact (mutual) but when my mom died suddenly, she reached out and I was really touched -- we slowly rekindled the friendship and never discussed what went wrong. We just agreed that we were just happy we'd reconnected.

Making a point of getting together to let you know that she's been purposefully ignoring you for 10 years, including the death of your mom, is amazingly obnoxious. It says a lot more about her than whatever minor transgression you supposedly committed.

To bring it up after all that time, be snide about you not being able to recall the issue, and STILL not tell you the specifics? That you didn't just get up and walk away says you're nicer than I am. Some people aren't worth it.

FWIW, my DH was never really a fan of hers - I'm realizing he probably was not doing a good job @ disguising that night. She did provide some specifics though not ones that seem to rise to "I'm going to blow you off, including not even a condolence for your mom." Look I don't want to be thoughtless, graceless host and friend - I'll own that and be mindful. Am guessing that there is more here and the incident is the catalyst for her action.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you did anything to precipitate her big announcement. She sounds self absorbed.

[Anonymous]

With friends like that, who needs enemies, right? You are probably going to be much happier just letting the friendship go, as she sounds quite awful with that long Irish grudge of hers.

[Anonymous]

I really appreciate these insights. Part of me wants to respond, own (again) whatever may have happened, and then express my sadness and dismay at her failure to acknowledge the loss of my mom and sister. Also express disappointment that the relationship meant so little to her that she kicked it to the curb, rather than expressing her hurt and asking me @ the time why DH and I were rude, etc. Another part of me is mad that she dropped this on me @ a time when I've just been getting my life back together after intermittent grief. That said, probably better to know that my emails were received and ignored rather than missed.

[Anonymous]

She's an idiot.

Don't bother with me.

[Anonymous]

I'd simply realize that she is a person with a lot of pent up problems and that was your day to get dissed. It's been ten years and just put it far in your rear view mirror.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others- drop this person and move on. She sounds like a self-involved, selfish and sad person. Focus on the relationships that bring you energy and lift you up.

[Anonymous]

Well, if she invites you out to coffee again say "NO!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really appreciate these insights. Part of me wants to respond, own (again) whatever may have happened, and then express my sadness and dismay at her failure to acknowledge the loss of my mom and sister. Also express disappointment that the relationship meant so little to her that she kicked it to the curb, rather than expressing her hurt and asking me @ the time why DH and I were rude, etc. Another part of me is mad that she dropped this on me @ a time when I've just been getting my life back together after intermittent grief. That said, probably better to know that my emails were received and ignored rather than missed.

What she did to you was petty and needlessly cruel. She seems to have little/no empathy, and does not deserve your energy. Write her a letter (for yourself, not for her - do not send it) so you can begin to heal. Writing helps release the past to get the feelings of sadness and betrayal out, IMO.

[Anonymous]

AND sister? Jesus Christ OP, this selfish jerk ignores your emails about family members dying and then comes at you with a peevish little grievance? Nah you're good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really appreciate these insights. Part of me wants to respond, own (again) whatever may have happened, and then express my sadness and dismay at her failure to acknowledge the loss of my mom and sister. Also express disappointment that the relationship meant so little to her that she kicked it to the curb, rather than expressing her hurt and asking me @ the time why DH and I were rude, etc. Another part of me is mad that she dropped this on me @ a time when I've just been getting my life back together after intermittent grief. That said, probably better to know that my emails were received and ignored rather than missed.

No good will come of contacting her again. It's sad to loose to a friend from the past.

Some things don't need a profuse apology and this is one of them. I can understand why you did it because in the moment it likely seemed as if you two would rekindle a friendship but it's clear now that won't happen.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a Toxic person - well adjusted people don't do stuff like this. Block her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a Toxic person - well adjusted people don't do stuff like this. Block her!

+1

You’re better off without her, OP.