Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?

[Anonymous]

I'll never understand DHs who work all the time and give up so much in the way of their relationships with their children. My kids are in their 20s now, one with a child of her own, and the memories they recall fondly are not the big, annual vacations we planned but rather moments of spontaneity that occurred only beciasd I prioritized being present in my childrens' lives. Our relationships are built in the small moments. I feel sad for your DD.

[Anonymous]

Why did he go to gym class? Did he want to look all macho and "oh I'm so responsible"?

Moron.

[Anonymous]

While I think 6am is a bit much but I would stay out of it. I would think after one morning of getting in at 6am and having an early morning kid activity he would rethink doing that again. I had one time bringing my dd to swimming class after celebrating my birthday the night before (my mom was in town) and DH was bringing mom to the airport while I had swim lessons. Never again. So I personally would say nothing. I’m assuming he is a smart guy and will figure out rushing your child makes her behave worse. I know I figured out after a few times the more I rushed the kids getting ready in the morning the more drama and everyone being upset and yelling would ensue so it was important to leave more than enough time, not raise my voice, and start a morning checklist to help them get the routine.

As for you offering to take dd this morning, it would be extra nice but I don’t think you are terrible for not offering. He could have asked you if he wasn’t up for it, he could have not taken her today and made it up by taking her someplace in the afternoon, and yes, he could have gotten home by 1am like he said he would - he is a grown adult. I don’t t think it’s bean counting to expect someone to do what they say and say what they do. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for flexibility it just is communicated and has agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand DHs who work all the time and give up so much in the way of their relationships with their children. My kids are in their 20s now, one with a child of her own, and the memories they recall fondly are not the big, annual vacations we planned but rather moments of spontaneity that occurred only beciasd I prioritized being present in my childrens' lives. Our relationships are built in the small moments. I feel sad for your DD.

Bless your heart. My DH and I work long hours but don't get to take annual vacations (big or small) because we can't afford it. We've prioritized putting a roof over their heads, food on the table and therapy for our kids with SN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is part vent, part question. DH and I have this policy that we avoid scheduling non-family/non-couple things over the weekend starting from Friday evening. The policy is more for him because he works very long hours and hardly sees DD during the week. He asked me about getting together with his buddies last night as a good friend is in town this weekend. Saturday morning, he takes 2 year old DD to gym class (it's their one daddy/daughter time of the week) so he promised that he would try to get home early, like 1 a.m.

He ended up coming home at 6 a.m. He could barely get himself out of bed so didn't get DD out of bed until 40 minutes before class starts. They were really rushed and he stopped her while she was eating breakfast and she was not happy about it. I suggested a couple times (nicely) they skip gym class given they were so rushed and I could see it was bugging DD. They rushed off and DH has been texting me since what a waste it was to go to class because DD won't participate (which is highly unlike her), she's doing poorly etc.

I'm kind of like WTF. If anything, it's DH's fault if DD is having an off morning. But true to form, he never takes responsibility for his actions. He doesn't go out on Friday evenings, but will often stay up really late reading or watching TV so that he's exhausted on Saturday morning. This morning was the worst, but it's not unusual for him to be in a bad mood and implying that DD is being "bad" (though he won't use those words) when she's just being a normal 2 year old and it's his exhaustion that's making him so intolerant of her behavior.

I know there are worse things a dad can do. Should I just let it slide and be happy he's willing to have this daddy/daughter time (which he wasn't before)? Or

Is anyone else hung up on this part?? It seems so much worse than what time he got home last night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand DHs who work all the time and give up so much in the way of their relationships with their children. My kids are in their 20s now, one with a child of her own, and the memories they recall fondly are not the big, annual vacations we planned but rather moments of spontaneity that occurred only beciasd I prioritized being present in my childrens' lives. Our relationships are built in the small moments. I feel sad for your DD.

Literally could not have less relevance to this thread, but congrats on your enormous virtue signaling boner. Notwithstanding how proud you are of you and DH (I'll bet my mortgage you call him "hubby"), consider why you feel the need to jump in here with this useless bit of trivia. You CLEARLY have massive insecurities and big, sad gaping holes in your life. I feel sad for you.

[Anonymous]

I would not be ok with the 6am thing. There is no reason for my DH to be out that late, at all, ever. If it were a once in a lifetime thing, sure, and I would have taken DD to gym class. But if he is reguaelt staying up late and being a grouch, I would have a conversation about it. My DH gets plenty of time to hang out with his guy friends. One or two weekends a year, lots of HHs and dinners when he gets home in time to say goodnight, or weekend nights he can go out too. But if he chooses to stay up all night, he doesn't get to be a pain the next day and take it out on the kids.

[Anonymous]

Your 2 yr old is in gym class?

[Anonymous]

OP you are the one who is ridiculous..

[Anonymous]

Ok, rolling in at 6am is overkill, but I don't get your weekend rule. Are you saying neither of you gets to go out regularly with your friends? I assume your dd has a decent bedtime, so why can't he make plans for after 9pm or whatever? Sounds miserable.

[Anonymous]

Wait until he sleeps and calms down, and then ask him how he thinks the morning went.

But I wouldn't be agreeing to any more nights out, after that. If another request comes, I'd say exactly what I'd say to a teenager - "you said you'd handle it well, I believed you, and you made me regret it. You let me down (and DD), so now I won't be happy to try again anytime soon."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand DHs who work all the time and give up so much in the way of their relationships with their children. My kids are in their 20s now, one with a child of her own, and the memories they recall fondly are not the big, annual vacations we planned but rather moments of spontaneity that occurred only beciasd I prioritized being present in my childrens' lives. Our relationships are built in the small moments. I feel sad for your DD.

Literally could not have less relevance to this thread, but congrats on your enormous virtue signaling boner. Notwithstanding how proud you are of you and DH (I'll bet my mortgage you call him "hubby"), consider why you feel the need to jump in here with this useless bit of trivia. You CLEARLY have massive insecurities and big, sad gaping holes in your life. I feel sad for you.

That was a bit harsh. I think PP was trying to say that if the father is only around for one session per week, and can't even handle that without being in a foul mood, then it doesn't give much of an opportunity for the child to have happy memories of her father in childhood. Not sure how anyone could argue with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand DHs who work all the time and give up so much in the way of their relationships with their children. My kids are in their 20s now, one with a child of her own, and the memories they recall fondly are not the big, annual vacations we planned but rather moments of spontaneity that occurred only beciasd I prioritized being present in my childrens' lives. Our relationships are built in the small moments. I feel sad for your DD.

Random side question, but what's the earliest age of those fond memories?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll never understand DHs who work all the time and give up so much in the way of their relationships with their children. My kids are in their 20s now, one with a child of her own, and the memories they recall fondly are not the big, annual vacations we planned but rather moments of spontaneity that occurred only beciasd I prioritized being present in my childrens' lives. Our relationships are built in the small moments. I feel sad for your DD.

Literally could not have less relevance to this thread, but congrats on your enormous virtue signaling boner. Notwithstanding how proud you are of you and DH (I'll bet my mortgage you call him "hubby"), consider why you feel the need to jump in here with this useless bit of trivia. You CLEARLY have massive insecurities and big, sad gaping holes in your life. I feel sad for you.

That was a bit harsh. I think PP was trying to say that if the father is only around for one session per week, and can't even handle that without being in a foul mood, then it doesn't give much of an opportunity for the child to have happy memories of her father in childhood. Not sure how anyone could argue with that.

Because OP (and this crazy pp) are talking about ONE lousy structured gym class that wasn't the best.
This isn't even relevant as Gymboree won't ever be one of those 'memory times', it's Gymboree.

OP it's like you're DH's disappointed mommy (instead of his romantic partner) and that is not a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait until he sleeps and calms down, and then ask him how he thinks the morning went.

But I wouldn't be agreeing to any more nights out, after that. If another request comes, I'd say exactly what I'd say to a teenager - "you said you'd handle it well, I believed you, and you made me regret it. You let me down (and DD), so now I won't be happy to try again anytime soon."

Nothing strengths a marriage more than acting like his mommy.