Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is part vent, part question. DH and I have this policy that we avoid scheduling non-family/non-couple things over the weekend starting from Friday evening. The policy is more for him because he works very long hours and hardly sees DD during the week. He asked me about getting together with his buddies last night as a good friend is in town this weekend. Saturday morning, he takes 2 year old DD to gym class (it's their one daddy/daughter time of the week) so he promised that he would try to get home early, like 1 a.m.

He ended up coming home at 6 a.m. He could barely get himself out of bed so didn't get DD out of bed until 40 minutes before class starts. They were really rushed and he stopped her while she was eating breakfast and she was not happy about it. I suggested a couple times (nicely) they skip gym class given they were so rushed and I could see it was bugging DD. They rushed off and DH has been texting me since what a waste it was to go to class because DD won't participate (which is highly unlike her), she's doing poorly etc.

I'm kind of like WTF. If anything, it's DH's fault if DD is having an off morning. But true to form, he never takes responsibility for his actions. He doesn't go out on Friday evenings, but will often stay up really late reading or watching TV so that he's exhausted on Saturday morning. This morning was the worst, but it's not unusual for him to be in a bad mood and implying that DD is being "bad" (though he won't use those words) when she's just being a normal 2 year old and it's his exhaustion that's making him so intolerant of her behavior.

I know there are worse things a dad can do. Should I just let it slide and be happy he's willing to have this daddy/daughter time (which he wasn't before)? Or

Is anyone else hung up on this part?? It seems so much worse than what time he got home last night!

Yes, me too. I'm also hung up on the fact that OP doesn't allow her husband or herself any option to socialize outside of the family on weekends. This whole post is a big WTF for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am married to you.

I do not go out very often; less than once a month.

When DD was younger, I was traveling a fair bit for work. DW insisted I be home for the weekend activities. That involved more red-eyes than I prefer to remember.

I would get home at 7 AM, and have to get DD moving. She would go to her event/class. My wife would relax because she was on all week. I was "Free" on travel, working from 5 AM to 7 PM local time.

I liked spending time with the kid, but AFTER I slept.

And god forbid, I tried to do something for me.....

And how's that marriage working out for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just step in and take Dd to her class?? Let him sleep off the hang over. It's a 1x incident, I assume, and it really is a NBD. He can make it up on subday, for example, by making breakfast for everyone, or the like. Seriously, unclench.

+1

If DH or I have a late night on the weekend, we "swap mornings" as needed.

+2

Your weekend rule sounds WAY, way too rigid. I get why you have it, but this was a time you should’ve stepped in at LEAST to get DD ready. Then he can handle some more evening activities or responsibilities. I think it’s unhealthy and may cause resentment to have this very rigid rule about weekend where you won’t even step in for a minute to help out when it’s “not your time.” You guys are a team. Help each other. Allow each other to have time alone or with friends sometimes, and step up without keeping score sometimes.

+1
Your lifestyle sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

I get where you're coming from, OP. My DH doesn't go out very often at all, but when he does he gets ridiculous and is hungover for days. I generally let it slide, he needs to let off steam and have fun with his buddies, but sometimes he does this the night before we have something planned and then I have no sympathy. There's no reason you can't go out and have a great time and NOT get so hammered drunk that you're hungover for days. He knows how bad his hangovers are, he knows that taking care of 2 kids and having homeowner responsibilities are tough sober, let alone hungover, so it's his problem. If we don't have plans the next day I'll let him sleep in off and even try to take the kids somewhere so he can have some quiet peace, but if you know you have something to go do, you better put some pep in your step and not complain!

I don't restrict our schedule to ONLY family things on weekends, and it sounds like this really was a one-off with an old buddy in town. I'd let it slide and would have taken DD to gym class myself so he could sleep it off. Let your DH have his own time and you also need your own time, too!