Is this NBD about DH and I should let it go?
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Anonymous
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This is part vent, part question. DH and I have this policy that we avoid scheduling non-family/non-couple things over the weekend starting from Friday evening. The policy is more for him because he works very long hours and hardly sees DD during the week. He asked me about getting together with his buddies last night as a good friend is in town this weekend. Saturday morning, he takes 2 year old DD to gym class (it's their one daddy/daughter time of the week) so he promised that he would try to get home early, like 1 a.m.
He ended up coming home at 6 a.m. He could barely get himself out of bed so didn't get DD out of bed until 40 minutes before class starts. They were really rushed and he stopped her while she was eating breakfast and she was not happy about it. I suggested a couple times (nicely) they skip gym class given they were so rushed and I could see it was bugging DD. They rushed off and DH has been texting me since what a waste it was to go to class because DD won't participate (which is highly unlike her), she's doing poorly etc. I'm kind of like WTF. If anything, it's DH's fault if DD is having an off morning. But true to form, he never takes responsibility for his actions. He doesn't go out on Friday evenings, but will often stay up really late reading or watching TV so that he's exhausted on Saturday morning. This morning was the worst, but it's not unusual for him to be in a bad mood and implying that DD is being "bad" (though he won't use those words) when she's just being a normal 2 year old and it's his exhaustion that's making him so intolerant of her behavior. I know there are worse things a dad can do. Should I just let it slide and be happy he's willing to have this daddy/daughter time (which he wasn't before)? Or |
Anonymous
| Your husband is a grown up. I am sure he can handle the discussion. What he is doing by staying up late is not in your daughter's best interest. Yes, have the calm conversation with him. |
Anonymous
| Talk but after he's napped. |
Anonymous
| If the Friday night out was a one off I think you should have done the gym class. Let him do something with her in the afternoon instead.Its ok to be flexible. |
Anonymous
Yes this. If this was a one off. I would have got DD up at her normal time given her her breakfast and woke DH up with enough time for him to eat and them both to go. Parenting and being a couple is about flexibility. Also it's okay to admit your kids are annoying sometimes. That doesn't mean you think they are bad or don't understand their behavior is age typical. Kids all kids are annoying at times and spouses being able to vent that without it turning into a lecture is a good thing. |
Anonymous
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Why didn't you just step in and take Dd to her class?? Let him sleep off the hang over. It's a 1x incident, I assume, and it really is a NBD. He can make it up on subday, for example, by making breakfast for everyone, or the like. Seriously, unclench.
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Anonymous
| I'd be inclined to let it go if he rolled in at 1 or 2am but 6am is ridiculous. |
Anonymous
this |
Anonymous
+1 If DH or I have a late night on the weekend, we "swap mornings" as needed. |
Anonymous
| Did he text you during the night saying he is going to be so late? |
Anonymous
| Does he ever do you a favor? I would have probably just taken DD to gym class myself. What's the point of him having a late night with friends if he has to get up early in the morning. You should have helped him out and he should return the favor. |
Anonymous
Sounds like TS not really a one-off, though. The hangover, maybe, but not the rest. |
Anonymous
| Does OP “count” everything in her relationship? This is not going to end well. Flexibility is important - please do not have more children if you can’t embrace change. |
Anonymous
+2 Your weekend rule sounds WAY, way too rigid. I get why you have it, but this was a time you should’ve stepped in at LEAST to get DD ready. Then he can handle some more evening activities or responsibilities. I think it’s unhealthy and may cause resentment to have this very rigid rule about weekend where you won’t even step in for a minute to help out when it’s “not your time.” You guys are a team. Help each other. Allow each other to have time alone or with friends sometimes, and step up without keeping score sometimes. |
Anonymous
+3 I bet he felt he couldn't ask OP to take their DD to her thing. What a shame..... |