How to make peace with your lot in life

[Anonymous]

since when is "living a middle class life" the definition of disappointment or failure?

I agree with the Gen-X poster. I'm Gen X and grew up in a blue collar family. I worked very hard in order to have what you seem to think is a disappointing life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the generation of women who was told growing up that she could do anything and everything and that she was the best. I thought by now I'd have a thriving and successful career as a doctor or some prestigious organization such as the UN. I'd be married to a well to do man and live in a beautiful house with a baby on the way.

Instead my life is so...ordinary. I have a normal middle manager job at a nobody office and am dating a very average guy with a boring job. We live a very middle class life. I'm thankful for my health and life but...I feel so disappointed.

You are no alone. In fact you likely represent 99 percent of college educated women in this country. The popular narrative that's being fed to young women is wildly unrealistic. Volunteering to help those less fortunate than yourself is my only suggestion, that and counting your blessings, which are many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:since when is "living a middle class life" the definition of disappointment or failure?

I agree with the Gen-X poster. I'm Gen X and grew up in a blue collar family. I worked very hard in order to have what you seem to think is a disappointing life.

It's all relative, that's the thing. You went up a class level. These other people stayed at their parents' class level or went down a notch, hence their disappointment. Get it know w?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:since when is "living a middle class life" the definition of disappointment or failure?

I agree with the Gen-X poster. I'm Gen X and grew up in a blue collar family. I worked very hard in order to have what you seem to think is a disappointing life.

It's all relative, that's the thing. You went up a class level. These other people stayed at their parents' class level or went down a notch, hence their disappointment. Get it know w?

All while being fed tales of grandeur as a child and adolescent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird! You have to be a millennial. I don't mean that as a pejorative but rather you were told all those things. I am a GenXer and was told the best I could hope for was an Associates degree from a Community College and a job as a secretary. My parents expected me to go to college but the details were up to me.

I think it is really damaging to "oversell" life. We all can't be rockstars. Most of life is really boring. My DH is well known in his field and has been on a magazine cover but he hates his job. Jobs are usually boring!! Whether you're a big shot or a worker bee. Being an adult isn't sexy and exciting most of the time. Sorry. You need to find something that makes you happy. Travel? Art? Parties? Hiking? And do it. Life is what you make it.

I am 40. I have an associates degree from community college that took me FIVE YEARS to get, and I am a legal secretary. I barely thought I'd be able to graduate from high school, so am relieved I got as far as I could. I have a 15 yr old whose braces I am almost finished paying off. She's smart and funny and has sweet friends. I have a tiny one bedroom apartment and enough money to buy extras like a smelly candle or to take us out to brunch. We take a small 3 day vacation every 4 or 5 years. I'm saving up to buy a condo hopefully by 50.

::Shrug:: Not everyone can be a rockstar. Somebody has to work FOR the rockstar, you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the generation of women who was told growing up that she could do anything and everything and that she was the best. I thought by now I'd have a thriving and successful career as a doctor or some prestigious organization such as the UN. I'd be married to a well to do man and live in a beautiful house with a baby on the way.

Instead my life is so...ordinary. I have a normal middle manager job at a nobody office and am dating a very average guy with a boring job. We live a very middle class life. I'm thankful for my health and life but...I feel so disappointed.

a reality of life that somehow a young man or woman never gets until it is them. we all live lives of quiet desperation.

but not that your awareness of what life is, it will even get worse. focus on living, live for the moment. it is the only thing that has meaning to me.
?
He had learned the worst lesson that life can teach -- that it makes no sense. And when that happens the happiness is never spontaneous again. It is artificial and, even then, bought at the price of an obstinate estrangement from oneself and one's history . . . . Stoically he suppresses his horror. He learns to live behind a mask. A lifetime experiment in endurance. A performance over a ruin.
American Pastoral, by Philip Roth, p. 81. (1997)

That is my favorite book.

[Anonymous]

I remember reading Herman Wouk's Marjorie Morningstar at 16 and feeling so sad this girl destined for stardom settled for s boring and ordinary life. Now I totally get it. It's a surprisingly deep book.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally understand what you are saying. As a child everyone had such high expectations for me. I was smart, got great grades, and was told I would be very successful in life.

Now I recently turned 40, have struggled with secondary infertility for years (had one child easily then could not have a second), and never had much of a career. I work part-time and SAH part-time, and make $15 per hour in a job that just requires a Bachelor's degree. My parents are embarassed of me, both about the secondary infertility and about my complete lack of a career. I never lived up to their expectations (never became a doctor like they wanted (and I also wanted). I view my life as a series of failures. At least I have a stable, happy marriage (15 years), live in a beautiful, well decorated home, and a wonderful, healthy child. But other than that my life is a series of failures.

I graduated high school with honors and went to an Ivy college. Had too much fun in college, decided to drop pre-med, and studied abroad a lot, also had fun dating. I graduated with honors, and took a year off, where I waitressed and had fun living in a new city.

Then went to law school (which my parents pushed me into, I did not want to become a lawyer but they insisted). I hated every minute of law school, but graduated with honors. Ended up working a series of underpaid non-legal jobs after for a few years. Got fired once from one of those jobs. Failed the bar exam twice (never ended up passing). Got diagnosed with ADHD (which explains a lot about my lack of focus and inability to choose a career path for years). Never made more than $30 K. In my late 20s I decided I did want to be a doctor after all. I did a post-bacc pre-med program (taking all the science classes, got As), and then took the MCAT twice. Applied to 25 med schools. Got in nowhere. Re-applied a second time after re-taking the MCAT. Got in nowhere. My self-esteem was totally crushed.

In my early 30s I went back to school for a master's in another field that seemed like the best fit given that I did not want to be a lawyer and that I could not get into med school. Worked in that field for a few years, then got pregnant and had a very rough pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum, so I resigned from that job. Had my child. Was a SAHM until my child was 2, then took a part-time job not relating to my field, where I make $15 per hour. Love the job, have been there 4 years now, but it's not career-oriented. Now that I can't have a second child I am going to go back to work soon in the field I got a master's in and work full-time for a few years, as I really liked that field. It's not prestigious or high-powered, but I do like it and it's a good fit.

Anyhow, as you can see, my life is one big failure. Everyone, including myself, had such high expectations for me. But what I've realized is that I think this is true for many people. Many people had high expectations for themselves and then life happened, and they had to change directions/paths for whatever reason. It's the rare person who had a goal and followed that goal exactly, and ended up exactly where they thought they would be.

[Anonymous]

This is what capitalism and the community deification of society does to people. Go volunteer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what capitalism and the community deification of society does to people. Go volunteer.

^ commodification.

[Anonymous]

This NY Magazine article ("Use ‘Family Motivation’ to Make Yourself Care About a Job You Hate") was on my Facebook feed today:

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2017/06/use-family-motivation-to-make-yourself-care-about-a-job-you-hate.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know the answer OP. I was a popular, attractive, kind, smart, and athletic person. People used to tell my parents they wished their kids were like me. Everyone expected that I'd have some brilliant career and marry some amazingly hot guy who made millions.

Truth be told , I was miserable. Now I'm an RN at a job I love. DH is an attractive guy who programs/codes for a living . We are upper middle class. My life is completely ordinary and I love it.

Upper middle class isn't ordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:since when is "living a middle class life" the definition of disappointment or failure?

I agree with the Gen-X poster. I'm Gen X and grew up in a blue collar family. I worked very hard in order to have what you seem to think is a disappointing life.

+1

This is me too. We are in an era where it's too easy to compare our lives with others' via social media. It's awful. I feel sorry for the new generation. It's okay to be "average".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird! You have to be a millennial. I don't mean that as a pejorative but rather you were told all those things. I am a GenXer and was told the best I could hope for was an Associates degree from a Community College and a job as a secretary. My parents expected me to go to college but the details were up to me.

I think it is really damaging to "oversell" life. We all can't be rockstars. Most of life is really boring. My DH is well known in his field and has been on a magazine cover but he hates his job. Jobs are usually boring!! Whether you're a big shot or a worker bee. Being an adult isn't sexy and exciting most of the time. Sorry. You need to find something that makes you happy. Travel? Art? Parties? Hiking? And do it. Life is what you make it.

I am 40. I have an associates degree from community college that took me FIVE YEARS to get, and I am a legal secretary. I barely thought I'd be able to graduate from high school, so am relieved I got as far as I could. I have a 15 yr old whose braces I am almost finished paying off. She's smart and funny and has sweet friends. I have a tiny one bedroom apartment and enough money to buy extras like a smelly candle or to take us out to brunch. We take a small 3 day vacation every 4 or 5 years. I'm saving up to buy a condo hopefully by 50.

::Shrug:: Not everyone can be a rockstar. Somebody has to work FOR the rockstar, you know?

I didn't mean that as a put down. I meant to say that when Xers were teens no one sold us a dream of being doctors or lawyers as the only mark of success. I felt like women were not steered into a CEO career path or that it was even possible. There is nothing wrong with an AS and being a legal secretary! The problem with OP is she was told that only a doctor or lawyer was acceptable. Hell, my job didn't even exist when I was in High School. I also didn't own a house until I was 41. Nothing wrong with it. We are more then our jobs and our possessions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird! You have to be a millennial. I don't mean that as a pejorative but rather you were told all those things. I am a GenXer and was told the best I could hope for was an Associates degree from a Community College and a job as a secretary. My parents expected me to go to college but the details were up to me.

I think it is really damaging to "oversell" life. We all can't be rockstars. Most of life is really boring. My DH is well known in his field and has been on a magazine cover but he hates his job. Jobs are usually boring!! Whether you're a big shot or a worker bee. Being an adult isn't sexy and exciting most of the time. Sorry. You need to find something that makes you happy. Travel? Art? Parties? Hiking? And do it. Life is what you make it.

I am 40. I have an associates degree from community college that took me FIVE YEARS to get, and I am a legal secretary. I barely thought I'd be able to graduate from high school, so am relieved I got as far as I could. I have a 15 yr old whose braces I am almost finished paying off. She's smart and funny and has sweet friends. I have a tiny one bedroom apartment and enough money to buy extras like a smelly candle or to take us out to brunch. We take a small 3 day vacation every 4 or 5 years. I'm saving up to buy a condo hopefully by 50.

::Shrug:: Not everyone can be a rockstar. Somebody has to work FOR the rockstar, you know?

I didn't mean that as a put down. I meant to say that when Xers were teens no one sold us a dream of being doctors or lawyers as the only mark of success. I felt like women were not steered into a CEO career path or that it was even possible. There is nothing wrong with an AS and being a legal secretary! The problem with OP is she was told that only a doctor or lawyer was acceptable. Hell, my job didn't even exist when I was in High School. I also didn't own a house until I was 41. Nothing wrong with it. We are more then our jobs and our possessions.

AS=AA Associates degree.