DS and girlfriend just told us they are applying to colleges on opposite sides of the country!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They sound really stupid and so do you, for being proud of them.

1. College decisions should have nothing to do with who you're dating and where they're going.

2. It's only application time. They're not sure they're even getting in, but I'm 100% sure they won't go to the ones they didn't apply to! Talk of closing doors.

Unbelievable.

+1. OP you are putting the cart way ahead of the horse here. And as much as you like to think they are being super mature by not making their college decisions based on each other...actually that's exactly what they ARE doing. He is closing off all these doors for himself by deciding to not even APPLYING to an entire (substantial!) geographic of schools...that shows a serious lack in judgment and just plain common sense. If anything it sounds like a weird dramatic teenage romcom drama-esque way of thinking. I certainly would not be supportive of this, much less proud...

I actually WANT him to stay in California. It is much, much less expensive and he has always talked about going to Stanford or Pomona.

How are Stanford or Pomona less expensive? Those are private colleges with tuition at the same level as other expensive private schools.

Encourage both of them to apply to the schools they are most interested in. Unlikely they will still be dating by year end anyway so not worth planning around. And even if they are still dating it's unlikely they will end up st the same school.

Not OP but no airfare. Or very short inexpensive flights. I am the PP above with the kids in California and Chicago and it is very expensive. Plus shipping stuff out to them rather than just driving it out.

I've got a kid in college in the midwest and frankly the cost of flights is nothing compared to $70k in tuition. I fly all over the country for work and can fly to CA for less than I can fly to NYC. Oddly distance has little to do with fares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, although I am shocked, I am very proud of their maturity in making this decision. We are in California and I knew that girlfriend was going to go to a school back east and assumed my son would as well. It is just September but they told DH and I together that this was the only way they could see being together later in life - if they broke up for college.
Second, I am thrilled that DS is staying on the west coast but worried he might regret not applying to an Ivy just because the girlfriend "called" the east coast.
Third, is all this maturity too good to be true? They are both 17 and really smart, good kids - they have been together for over a year and are very close. She practically lives at our house and my son spent the summer working for her father.


But all in all, I should be happy, right? DS will apply to schools in California and date other girls once he gets to college. Could it really be this easy and smooth?

Anyone else have a kid who decided that he and the girlfriend/boyfreind would break up in a year?

Thanks for the laugh OP. Kids are funny, especially when they try to sound mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They sound really stupid and so do you, for being proud of them.

1. College decisions should have nothing to do with who you're dating and where they're going.

2. It's only application time. They're not sure they're even getting in, but I'm 100% sure they won't go to the ones they didn't apply to! Talk of closing doors.

Unbelievable.

+1. OP you are putting the cart way ahead of the horse here. And as much as you like to think they are being super mature by not making their college decisions based on each other...actually that's exactly what they ARE doing. He is closing off all these doors for himself by deciding to not even APPLYING to an entire (substantial!) geographic of schools...that shows a serious lack in judgment and just plain common sense. If anything it sounds like a weird dramatic teenage romcom drama-esque way of thinking. I certainly would not be supportive of this, much less proud...

I actually WANT him to stay in California. It is much, much less expensive and he has always talked about going to Stanford or Pomona.

How are Stanford or Pomona less expensive? Those are private colleges with tuition at the same level as other expensive private schools.

Encourage both of them to apply to the schools they are most interested in. Unlikely they will still be dating by year end anyway so not worth planning around. And even if they are still dating it's unlikely they will end up st the same school.

Not OP but no airfare. Or very short inexpensive flights. I am the PP above with the kids in California and Chicago and it is very expensive. Plus shipping stuff out to them rather than just driving it out.

I've got a kid in college in the midwest and frankly the cost of flights is nothing compared to $70k in tuition. I fly all over the country for work and can fly to CA for less than I can fly to NYC. Oddly distance has little to do with fares.

Between driving and flying? Yeah, it makes a big difference in cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They sound really stupid and so do you, for being proud of them.

1. College decisions should have nothing to do with who you're dating and where they're going.

2. It's only application time. They're not sure they're even getting in, but I'm 100% sure they won't go to the ones they didn't apply to! Talk of closing doors.

Unbelievable.

+1

Why are they limiting themselves? Stupid kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They sound really stupid and so do you, for being proud of them.

1. College decisions should have nothing to do with who you're dating and where they're going.

2. It's only application time. They're not sure they're even getting in, but I'm 100% sure they won't go to the ones they didn't apply to! Talk of closing doors.

Unbelievable.

+1

Why are they limiting themselves? Stupid kids.

I don't know but doesn't every kid limit him or herself in choosing three or five colleges to apply to? I was from Chicago and my parents insisted that I stay in the midwest to go to school for economic reasons. What's the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They sound really stupid and so do you, for being proud of them.

1. College decisions should have nothing to do with who you're dating and where they're going.

2. It's only application time. They're not sure they're even getting in, but I'm 100% sure they won't go to the ones they didn't apply to! Talk of closing doors.

Unbelievable.

+1

Why are they limiting themselves? Stupid kids.

I don't know but doesn't every kid limit him or herself in choosing three or five colleges to apply to? I was from Chicago and my parents insisted that I stay in the midwest to go to school for economic reasons. What's the difference?

The difference is your 'limitations' were grounded in sound logic. The kids in the OP are limiting themselves because pseudo-logic.

I agree with the PPs that this 'decision' is just as stupid as going to the same school in order to stay together.

[Anonymous]

I think you lucked out, OP! I would love my kid to stay within a driving area for college and away from the girlfriend!

One of my best friends married her high school sweetheart after college and a couple years apart. They are very happy!

[Anonymous]

We know two kids who did this. Of course, they never did get back together.

[Anonymous]

Did you write the thread where your son went to Sweden this summer with girlfriend and family?

[Anonymous]

....they told DH and I together that this was the only way they could see being together later in life - if they broke up for college.

Can someone explain this logic to me? I don't understand why breaking up for college would lead to them being together later in life. You can break up any time, any place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

....they told DH and I together that this was the only way they could see being together later in life - if they broke up for college.

Can someone explain this logic to me? I don't understand why breaking up for college would lead to them being together later in life. You can break up any time, any place.

I am a PP who is married to my high school sweetheart. Although we didn't do it on purpose, I know we never would have gotten together had we not been apart for college. We both dated and had serious relationships in college - just helped us grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

....they told DH and I together that this was the only way they could see being together later in life - if they broke up for college.

Can someone explain this logic to me? I don't understand why breaking up for college would lead to them being together later in life. You can break up any time, any place.

I know at least three couples in lasting (currently 14/15 year long) marriages who met while dating in high school and deliberately chose separate colleges. A couple of them broke up during college, and one stayed all through. All of them said that it helped them mature and grow as a couple to have separate college experiences, their own friends. I can definitely understand the concept having seen it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They sound really stupid and so do you, for being proud of them.

1. College decisions should have nothing to do with who you're dating and where they're going.

2. It's only application time. They're not sure they're even getting in, but I'm 100% sure they won't go to the ones they didn't apply to! Talk of closing doors.

Unbelievable.

+1. OP you are putting the cart way ahead of the horse here. And as much as you like to think they are being super mature by not making their college decisions based on each other...actually that's exactly what they ARE doing. He is closing off all these doors for himself by deciding to not even APPLYING to an entire (substantial!) geographic of schools...that shows a serious lack in judgment and just plain common sense. If anything it sounds like a weird dramatic teenage romcom drama-esque way of thinking. I certainly would not be supportive of this, much less proud...

I actually WANT him to stay in California. It is much, much less expensive and he has always talked about going to Stanford or Pomona.

How are Stanford or Pomona less expensive? Those are private colleges with tuition at the same level as other expensive private schools.

Encourage both of them to apply to the schools they are most interested in. Unlikely they will still be dating by year end anyway so not worth planning around. And even if they are still dating it's unlikely they will end up st the same school.

Not OP but no airfare. Or very short inexpensive flights. I am the PP above with the kids in California and Chicago and it is very expensive. Plus shipping stuff out to them rather than just driving it out.

I've got a kid in college in the midwest and frankly the cost of flights is nothing compared to $70k in tuition. I fly all over the country for work and can fly to CA for less than I can fly to NYC. Oddly distance has little to do with fares.

Between driving and flying? Yeah, it makes a big difference in cost.

Even in CA the kid may need to fly, especially since he's looking at schools in both the LA and Bay Areas. Flights aren't nothing, but it's not like they fly home every weekend. DC flies out, comes home for thanksgiving and Xmas and flies home. Came home for fall break the first year. That's 3-4 RTs a year, and less than $1000. Just booked thanksgiving and it was $230 RT. He's traveled for spring break each year which is a flight but would be a flight from wherever he was.

I'm not trying to be flip but $1000 relative to $65-70k for tuition, room and board is relatively small. Would you pick a class based on the price of the textbooks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They sound really stupid and so do you, for being proud of them.

1. College decisions should have nothing to do with who you're dating and where they're going.

2. It's only application time. They're not sure they're even getting in, but I'm 100% sure they won't go to the ones they didn't apply to! Talk of closing doors.

Unbelievable.

You sound really stupid

[Anonymous]

why can't they go to different colleges in the same area. Why can't they apply to the same college (both very well might not get in and even if they do one may very well choose another college). I guess it's fine to plan to break up in college but I don't get why they have to be in different geographic areas. just weird.