DH's 1950s-era women friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His female friends prefer to communicate with his wife to avoid any appearance or possibility of impropriety. In your shoes, if I got the evite, I'd handle the response after checking with him. They're mad at you because you are in fact, not responding.

You're all a bunch of "couple friends" now. Typically wives communicate with the other wives. Is what it is.

NP and no way. I have a college group like this--men and women, with spouses who came in along the way. I'm not going to not "primarily" invite my good friend Greg because he now has a wife of seven months, Sally. I'm not going to stop sending him dumb Internet videos related to inside jokes from back in the day because we are now both married. We're friends, and we're always going to be friends, and I treat him no differently from my other friends from that era who are women.

It is different and I think your attitude s disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Why are you forcing other people to remember who between you and DH to send the invitation to? Why are you making it complicated for them to invite your family to an event?

If it comes to you, just forward to DH or speak to him and RSVP for it on your family's behalf. They are inviting your family ,so step up and respond on behalf of your family.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP but this is a very odd post. I don't understand the whole 50's reference. Your making a big deal out of nothing.

[Anonymous]

How do you know they resent you?

It's clear that you and your DH don't think their invitations are important because you don't reply to emails sent to you, and sometimes he forgets. I'd think you're not interested after a couple of times with no response.

And, if I got a business-like email "Remember I'm the POC for social invitations now, not Karen" I'd think you didn''t want to hang out with us. well, and that you can't be bothered with your DH's friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His female friends prefer to communicate with his wife to avoid any appearance or possibility of impropriety. In your shoes, if I got the evite, I'd handle the response after checking with him. They're mad at you because you are in fact, not responding.

You're all a bunch of "couple friends" now. Typically wives communicate with the other wives. Is what it is.

NP and no way. I have a college group like this--men and women, with spouses who came in along the way. I'm not going to not "primarily" invite my good friend Greg because he now has a wife of seven months, Sally. I'm not going to stop sending him dumb Internet videos related to inside jokes from back in the day because we are now both married. We're friends, and we're always going to be friends, and I treat him no differently from my other friends from that era who are women.

It is different and I think your attitude s disrespectful.

Me too. Plus, you're going to lose. If he's a good guy, and you're just some annoying college friend living back in the good old days, you're going to lose to the wife.

Grow up and be mindful of boundaries.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get what your saying and I don't know why no one else does. I don't enjoy being the general social calendaring person for the family. Thankfully, most of the couple friends or friends that originated through him, are considerate enough to put both of us on evites or emails. I couldn't care less if it's a wife emailing him about us getting together. I get hundreds of emails a day between work and all the home life crap (as I do take responsibility for kids' medical appointments, shopping for kids, and the absolutely endless crap-string of emails about the kids school stuff and sports snack schedules) -- I certainly appreciate anything that DOESN'T go onto my plate.

I agree with you that it's a 1950s mindset that the wife runs the social calendar, or that it's inappropriate for other wives to email your husband. Maybe all the PPs are from the Mike Pence world, where a married man isn't allowed to have lunch with a woman not his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP but this is a very odd post. I don't understand the whole 50's reference. Your making a big deal out of nothing.

I don't get it either. It's like she felt the need to insult women that have manners. I would never email a married man an invitation to any gathering. That includes my brother.

I guess OP is trying to be that woman no one likes, so hip so cool so trendy so bossy and she's shifting blame. Won't be long before no invites arrive or only her husband will be invited.

Makes you wonder if OP dared to tell the others what she really thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His female friends prefer to communicate with his wife to avoid any appearance or possibility of impropriety. In your shoes, if I got the evite, I'd handle the response after checking with him. They're mad at you because you are in fact, not responding.

You're all a bunch of "couple friends" now. Typically wives communicate with the other wives. Is what it is.

Is this the same in other more progressive places like the West Coast? I mean, they were friends long before spouses came along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP but this is a very odd post. I don't understand the whole 50's reference. Your making a big deal out of nothing.

I don't get it either. It's like she felt the need to insult women that have manners. I would never email a married man an invitation to any gathering. That includes my brother.

I guess OP is trying to be that woman no one likes, so hip so cool so trendy so bossy and she's shifting blame. Won't be long before no invites arrive or only her husband will be invited.

Makes you wonder if OP dared to tell the others what she really thinks.

Wow, here is a 1950s rep in the flesh...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not getting how this is 1950s? Most men aren't great at arranging socializing for couples that wives/gfs actually would enjoy. They probably learned the hard way early on, that the men would wait until the last minute and pick a dive bar or bowling every single time. If you hate organizing social activities, just say so. If you're assuming a sinister gendered motive, speak up and be prepared to laugh at yourself when the wives don't say that's a woman's job since none of them work and there's no soaps on most of the afternoon.

These seems like a sexist sentiment -- why do you say this? Men know how to cook, can pick out a movie on netflix... maybe your DH would elect for a dive bar but why the broad strokes here?

[Anonymous]

You sound uptight OP. You can't control everyone around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP but this is a very odd post. I don't understand the whole 50's reference. Your making a big deal out of nothing.

I don't get it either. It's like she felt the need to insult women that have manners. I would never email a married man an invitation to any gathering. That includes my brother.

I guess OP is trying to be that woman no one likes, so hip so cool so trendy so bossy and she's shifting blame. Won't be long before no invites arrive or only her husband will be invited.

Makes you wonder if OP dared to tell the others what she really thinks.

This is so weird. Manners means you can only contact your brother through his wife?? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Wow this is a depressing thread.

There there OP never mind that you are expected to do all of this social organizing. It's not a 1950's thing, it's just the way it has always been. It doesn't mean that you are your husband's secretary, it's just that men are less organized than women and less good at this kind of thing. Don't try and force your way of doing things on other people (and try not to worry your pretty little head with the fact that that is EXACTLY what they are doing to you).

*Insert huge dose of sarcasm here*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you're a micromanager. People forget--you're supposed to be friends not a business associate. Unclench and RSVP to the invites.

This. They are hurt because they considered you their friend and this is you rejecting them. Step back from the ledge and take a breath. You must be very attractive/good in bed or you married a saint because it's clear your DH knows what he's dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know they resent you?

It's clear that you and your DH don't think their invitations are important because you don't reply to emails sent to you, and sometimes he forgets. I'd think you're not interested after a couple of times with no response.

And, if I got a business-like email "Remember I'm the POC for social invitations now, not Karen" I'd think you didn''t want to hang out with us. well, and that you can't be bothered with your DH's friends.

This. What evidence do you have that they "resent" you?