Second-Guessing Our Decision to "Opt-Out" of Public School

[Anonymous]

Since you mention racial and economic diversity, there's also the argument that choosing private is playing a part in upholding structural inequalities.

http://www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?storyId=509325266

"And I also think it was - that it is important to understand that the inequality we see - school segregation is both structural, it is systemic, but it's also upheld by individual choices. As long as individual parents continue to make choices that only benefit their own children, you can support equality as a principle all you want, but we're not going to see a change. And so for me, it was a matter of needing to live my values and not being someone who contributed to the inequality that I write about."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again - I forgot to add that we have a second child (still a toddler), and the private school as told us that our tuition will stay the same for both children (something complicated about the algorithm for FA). So, $12K for one kid, $12K for two kids - if and when we decide to send our second child to this school. It does make the cost down the line a little more palatable.

IF they take your second child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the public school you lotteried into still an option? Personally I would only go private if a good public did not work out.

This. I would save the 12k in a 529.

OP here: So, the public school option is still on the table (and will be for another month until the beginning of the school year). Of course, starting at private and moving to public is always an option, although we are a lot less likely to get a spot in the very desired public school we have a spot in now.

On the other hand, if we were to start in public and found that it wasn't a good fit, we almost certainly not have the option of private school with generous financial aid. We'd either have to stick it out or move (we really love where we like and do not want to move!).

I don't know why I'm feeling so flummoxed - I'm just really second-guessing myself right now. I've heard that you know you have really good options when you have a hard time making a decision...

I know they told you that, and I know you have no way of knowing what they will really do, but why would FA ever work like that? If you qualify now, you will likely qualify later. Most privates make you reapply every year anyway.

I know it's hard, but I would disregard their pressure on the FA front. For one thing, add up the 7 years of your portion of tuition you'd be paying; so, $84K if you portion doesn't increase before 7th grade? Plus all the "little" events you will pay for to the tune of another few hundred a year? That $84-$90K put in savings would go a long way to pay for private middle/high school if that's still what you want to do when the time comes, whatever the FA package would be. And I suspect that by the time you get to middle school, you'll have found other options, or potentially have even moved.

I think it's foolish to commit now for the sole purpose of hoping the FA package will remain affordable many years from now.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PPs that you shouldn't let the FA package pressure you into the private school. You have a great slot at the public and you liked it, at least for the next several years. Take it and save for college!

[Anonymous]

Or just get a better paying job and put yourself in a position to continue to pay for private school.

[Anonymous]

We looked at private and public kindergarten and choose private for similar reasons. Smaller classes, more engagement, etc. It wasn't a financial hardship so that was a difference. The year wasn't good. My child was under a magnifying glass and small issues turned into huge issues. He was very unhappy and constantly feeling like he was being reprimanded. We switched to public school in 1st grade. His class was much bigger and this was my fear. I assumed large schools would not work for active boys. He thrived in this setting, found real friends with common interests and was engaged in activities. There was more diversity in the public school but this wasn't a factor in my decision.

My son had great teachers in both schools, but the larger classes were better for him. As he has become older the public school has had a lot of opportunities with music and technology that he may not have had in his old private school. We are in VA so your situation may be different. It's also helpful that we are saving so much money on tuition.

[Anonymous]

$12 k per year for one child in full-time preschool is a pretty normal, if not low side, amount to pay. $12 k for 2 kids is truly an amazing bargain. If it's a good school, take the long view and stick with your plan - you will not go wrong with a good private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the public school you lotteried into still an option? Personally I would only go private if a good public did not work out.

This. I would save the 12k in a 529.

NP here. +1 to this.

OP, you seem very focused on the financial aid at the private school, for both kids. If the aid is crucial, and you'd have to pull your kid(s) out if it changed, please consider that you may be overextending yourselves to send your kids to the private school. College is beyond expensive and putting that private-school money into 529 plans or other college savings would make sense and could save your kids from being burdened as adults with tons of college debt.

This area has some of the best public schools in the country, despite the carping all over DCUM. A middling school in many school systems here is far better than the best schools in much of the U.S. You are positive about the public school your child would attend. I'd go with that and save money for college instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is starting pre-K at a private school next month. The tuition there is astronomical but we are receiving very generous financial aid. Our annual cost including after-school care will be about $12,000 - a big sacrifice for us, but not technically unaffordable.

We applied to this private school because we were not optimistic about our chances of getting a slot in a public school we were happy with through the lottery system, so we decided to cast a wide net. We never expected to get a seat in a good public school AND a spot at this private school with enough financial aid to make it doable. Enviable decision, I know.

When we revisited both schools before the enrollment deadline, it was clear that the early years would be a wash - both were great and our daughter would have thrived in either place. However, in the older grades in the public school had increasingly large classes, and we noticed that most kids were sitting quietly doing worksheets while the teacher worked one-on-one with a student. By contrast, the kids in the private school classes (topped out at 13 kids per class) were doing hands-on project-based learning and were really engaged and excited about what they were learning.

We asked about the possibility of starting in public and switching to private in the later grades, and were told very candidly that our daughter would very likely be accepted to the school again but that it was now or never in terms of the FA package.

That swayed our decision, so we opted for private school. But now I am having gnawing doubts about whether we did the right thing. Our child is smart and flexible and probably would have done great at either school. Are we doing her a disservice by taking her out of her home community (very racially and socioeconomically diverse) and parachuting her into this land of privilege? I'm also feeling immense guilt about opting out of the public school system at a time when engaged and active parents are needed most.

Any words of wisdom for those who have felt similarly? I'm having a really hard time sorting through all my feelings and untangling what's best for my daughter vs. what's right for our family vs. what's the right thing to do for society.

We are in a similar boat. I will share my thoughts, but curious -- what is your HHI? We want to apply to some privates, but I fear we're in that bracket where we're not poor enough to qualify for aid but not rich enough to swing it alone. It sounds like you may be in that gray area too, but you got some aid. Or perhaps not? If you don't mind sharing that would be really helpful for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is starting pre-K at a private school next month. The tuition there is astronomical but we are receiving very generous financial aid. Our annual cost including after-school care will be about $12,000 - a big sacrifice for us, but not technically unaffordable.

We applied to this private school because we were not optimistic about our chances of getting a slot in a public school we were happy with through the lottery system, so we decided to cast a wide net. We never expected to get a seat in a good public school AND a spot at this private school with enough financial aid to make it doable. Enviable decision, I know.

When we revisited both schools before the enrollment deadline, it was clear that the early years would be a wash - both were great and our daughter would have thrived in either place. However, in the older grades in the public school had increasingly large classes, and we noticed that most kids were sitting quietly doing worksheets while the teacher worked one-on-one with a student. By contrast, the kids in the private school classes (topped out at 13 kids per class) were doing hands-on project-based learning and were really engaged and excited about what they were learning.

We asked about the possibility of starting in public and switching to private in the later grades, and were told very candidly that our daughter would very likely be accepted to the school again but that it was now or never in terms of the FA package.

That swayed our decision, so we opted for private school. But now I am having gnawing doubts about whether we did the right thing. Our child is smart and flexible and probably would have done great at either school. Are we doing her a disservice by taking her out of her home community (very racially and socioeconomically diverse) and parachuting her into this land of privilege? I'm also feeling immense guilt about opting out of the public school system at a time when engaged and active parents are needed most.

Any words of wisdom for those who have felt similarly? I'm having a really hard time sorting through all my feelings and untangling what's best for my daughter vs. what's right for our family vs. what's the right thing to do for society.

Look, you can always switch to public if the private doesn't work out, but not the other way around. We started in public, and it was AWFUL. It's still not good. But then it was too late to go private, because our child was attached to his friends here. And by the way, we also thought he'd do great in public - we didn't anticipate how truly awful fcps kindergarten would be, for a kid as bright and prepared as ours was to fail so completely. Go private, I say. Wish we had, so much.

[Anonymous]

Just do private and quit the guilt. - public school Title 1 parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is starting pre-K at a private school next month. The tuition there is astronomical but we are receiving very generous financial aid. Our annual cost including after-school care will be about $12,000 - a big sacrifice for us, but not technically unaffordable.

We applied to this private school because we were not optimistic about our chances of getting a slot in a public school we were happy with through the lottery system, so we decided to cast a wide net. We never expected to get a seat in a good public school AND a spot at this private school with enough financial aid to make it doable. Enviable decision, I know.

When we revisited both schools before the enrollment deadline, it was clear that the early years would be a wash - both were great and our daughter would have thrived in either place. However, in the older grades in the public school had increasingly large classes, and we noticed that most kids were sitting quietly doing worksheets while the teacher worked one-on-one with a student. By contrast, the kids in the private school classes (topped out at 13 kids per class) were doing hands-on project-based learning and were really engaged and excited about what they were learning.

We asked about the possibility of starting in public and switching to private in the later grades, and were told very candidly that our daughter would very likely be accepted to the school again but that it was now or never in terms of the FA package.

That swayed our decision, so we opted for private school. But now I am having gnawing doubts about whether we did the right thing. Our child is smart and flexible and probably would have done great at either school. Are we doing her a disservice by taking her out of her home community (very racially and socioeconomically diverse) and parachuting her into this land of privilege? I'm also feeling immense guilt about opting out of the public school system at a time when engaged and active parents are needed most.

Any words of wisdom for those who have felt similarly? I'm having a really hard time sorting through all my feelings and untangling what's best for my daughter vs. what's right for our family vs. what's the right thing to do for society.

Look, you can always switch to public if the private doesn't work out, but not the other way around. We started in public, and it was AWFUL. It's still not good. But then it was too late to go private, because our child was attached to his friends here. And by the way, we also thought he'd do great in public - we didn't anticipate how truly awful fcps kindergarten would be, for a kid as bright and prepared as ours was to fail so completely. Go private, I say. Wish we had, so much.

No, the public is not going to be a choice past the start of this school year, because she got in by lottery and would have to have incredible luck to lottery in again. Sounds like a top DC charter or out of bounds DCPS. Hence why she is stressing about the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is starting pre-K at a private school next month. The tuition there is astronomical but we are receiving very generous financial aid. Our annual cost including after-school care will be about $12,000 - a big sacrifice for us, but not technically unaffordable.

We applied to this private school because we were not optimistic about our chances of getting a slot in a public school we were happy with through the lottery system, so we decided to cast a wide net. We never expected to get a seat in a good public school AND a spot at this private school with enough financial aid to make it doable. Enviable decision, I know.

When we revisited both schools before the enrollment deadline, it was clear that the early years would be a wash - both were great and our daughter would have thrived in either place. However, in the older grades in the public school had increasingly large classes, and we noticed that most kids were sitting quietly doing worksheets while the teacher worked one-on-one with a student. By contrast, the kids in the private school classes (topped out at 13 kids per class) were doing hands-on project-based learning and were really engaged and excited about what they were learning.

We asked about the possibility of starting in public and switching to private in the later grades, and were told very candidly that our daughter would very likely be accepted to the school again but that it was now or never in terms of the FA package.

That swayed our decision, so we opted for private school. But now I am having gnawing doubts about whether we did the right thing. Our child is smart and flexible and probably would have done great at either school. Are we doing her a disservice by taking her out of her home community (very racially and socioeconomically diverse) and parachuting her into this land of privilege? I'm also feeling immense guilt about opting out of the public school system at a time when engaged and active parents are needed most.

Any words of wisdom for those who have felt similarly? I'm having a really hard time sorting through all my feelings and untangling what's best for my daughter vs. what's right for our family vs. what's the right thing to do for society.

Look, you can always switch to public if the private doesn't work out, but not the other way around. We started in public, and it was AWFUL. It's still not good. But then it was too late to go private, because our child was attached to his friends here. And by the way, we also thought he'd do great in public - we didn't anticipate how truly awful fcps kindergarten would be, for a kid as bright and prepared as ours was to fail so completely. Go private, I say. Wish we had, so much.

No, the public is not going to be a choice past the start of this school year, because she got in by lottery and would have to have incredible luck to lottery in again. Sounds like a top DC charter or out of bounds DCPS. Hence why she is stressing about the decision.

OP here - yes, PP is correct: the public school options is out of bounds DCPS. Lovely little school. We will absolutely not luck into a lottery spot here again. This particular public school and private school are both one shot deals - we choose one and foreclose the other option, probably permanently. Hence the stress. I'm not going to share our HHI (because I don't want to derail this thread onto whether we can "afford" private or not), but I will say that private schools with decent endowments are interested in providing FA to middle class families too. Otherwise their population would only be the very wealthiest and the very poorest, and what they're really looking for is a full spectrum of SES.

[Anonymous]

OP, which DCPS? Is it one of the top ones WOTP? And what private? Is it one of the top ones in the area? The DCPS elementaries WOTP are very good. I'd be loathe to give that up unless it was a top private.

[Anonymous]

Op, I have a son in public school going into second grade, what the school does is it slowly kills his love of learning. Maybe it's the school that is not great , but I am good most if not all public schools have this issue: too many worksheets, large classes, drill or kill, tons of time spent on lining up, waiting for their turn and all. Not enoght field trips, not enoght fun, if it's not aligned with the curriculum it is out.
Go with the private.