Second-Guessing Our Decision to "Opt-Out" of Public School

[Anonymous]

Our daughter is starting pre-K at a private school next month. The tuition there is astronomical but we are receiving very generous financial aid. Our annual cost including after-school care will be about $12,000 - a big sacrifice for us, but not technically unaffordable.

We applied to this private school because we were not optimistic about our chances of getting a slot in a public school we were happy with through the lottery system, so we decided to cast a wide net. We never expected to get a seat in a good public school AND a spot at this private school with enough financial aid to make it doable. Enviable decision, I know.

When we revisited both schools before the enrollment deadline, it was clear that the early years would be a wash - both were great and our daughter would have thrived in either place. However, in the older grades in the public school had increasingly large classes, and we noticed that most kids were sitting quietly doing worksheets while the teacher worked one-on-one with a student. By contrast, the kids in the private school classes (topped out at 13 kids per class) were doing hands-on project-based learning and were really engaged and excited about what they were learning.

We asked about the possibility of starting in public and switching to private in the later grades, and were told very candidly that our daughter would very likely be accepted to the school again but that it was now or never in terms of the FA package.

That swayed our decision, so we opted for private school. But now I am having gnawing doubts about whether we did the right thing. Our child is smart and flexible and probably would have done great at either school. Are we doing her a disservice by taking her out of her home community (very racially and socioeconomically diverse) and parachuting her into this land of privilege? I'm also feeling immense guilt about opting out of the public school system at a time when engaged and active parents are needed most.

Any words of wisdom for those who have felt similarly? I'm having a really hard time sorting through all my feelings and untangling what's best for my daughter vs. what's right for our family vs. what's the right thing to do for society.

[Anonymous]

Give it time. You can always go back to public school later if this doesn't feel
right after a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Just be aware that your aid can change year to year. If it is only borderline affordable now, even modest increases could be hard. And if you and your child come to love the school, it can be hard to yank him. It becomes easy to rationalize continuously escalating costs that become a real hardship.

Not a reason not to do it, but something to think about.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry about the "what's best for society" part. But keep a critical eye on the private school this first year. Don't drink the kool aid about how great it is quite yet. Yes they may have small classes and project learning but they may also have mean girls and high pressure fundraising and encourage tutors and diagnoses at the first sign of any struggle. Personal attention is great. Looking at all the students under a magnifying glass is not.

[Anonymous]

That's a ridiculous amount of money for pre-K and is totally not worth it. Just being candid.

[Anonymous]

OP, is the public school you lotteried into still an option? Personally I would only go private if a good public did not work out.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had had the money for private school from the beginning. My son started in private in MS and it was amazing at how far behind he was (and he was in the "advanced" math class in public ES).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had had the money for private school from the beginning. My son started in private in MS and it was amazing at how far behind he was (and he was in the "advanced" math class in public ES).

We found the opposite to be true in our case. Our daughter was, for example, way ahead in reading but we were never told about her level. So when she entered PS in 4th, the teacher assessed her and told us she was not being challenged.

different schools, different strengths I suppose

[Anonymous]

OP, worry about

1. what works for your family
2. what works well enough for your daughter

for THIS YEAR. (And maybe next year.)

As long as you're not actively harming society, don't worry about what's best for society. Don't worry about what's best for your daughter -- that's a fool's errand. And don't think that any decision you make now, you must stick with forever and ever, amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a ridiculous amount of money for pre-K and is totally not worth it. Just being candid.

$12k a year is a lot? Where do you live? That is a bargain for full day preschool in Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the public school you lotteried into still an option? Personally I would only go private if a good public did not work out.

This. I would save the 12k in a 529.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the public school you lotteried into still an option? Personally I would only go private if a good public did not work out.

This. I would save the 12k in a 529.

OP here: So, the public school option is still on the table (and will be for another month until the beginning of the school year). Of course, starting at private and moving to public is always an option, although we are a lot less likely to get a spot in the very desired public school we have a spot in now.

On the other hand, if we were to start in public and found that it wasn't a good fit, we almost certainly not have the option of private school with generous financial aid. We'd either have to stick it out or move (we really love where we like and do not want to move!).

I don't know why I'm feeling so flummoxed - I'm just really second-guessing myself right now. I've heard that you know you have really good options when you have a hard time making a decision...

[Anonymous]

What's the public, OP? A DC charter or out of bounds DCPS? or something in the 'burbs? We can give you more insight if you share it with us.

[Anonymous]

OP again - I forgot to add that we have a second child (still a toddler), and the private school as told us that our tuition will stay the same for both children (something complicated about the algorithm for FA). So, $12K for one kid, $12K for two kids - if and when we decide to send our second child to this school. It does make the cost down the line a little more palatable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the public school you lotteried into still an option? Personally I would only go private if a good public did not work out.

This. I would save the 12k in a 529.

OP here: So, the public school option is still on the table (and will be for another month until the beginning of the school year). Of course, starting at private and moving to public is always an option, although we are a lot less likely to get a spot in the very desired public school we have a spot in now.

On the other hand, if we were to start in public and found that it wasn't a good fit, we almost certainly not have the option of private school with generous financial aid. We'd either have to stick it out or move (we really love where we like and do not want to move!).

I don't know why I'm feeling so flummoxed - I'm just really second-guessing myself right now. I've heard that you know you have really good options when you have a hard time making a decision...

so you're holding a pre-k spot a desirable public school and a spot at a private school? it sounds like you can't go wrong with your decision, but if you're holding multiple spots, please just make up your mind so you others who don't have your excellent options can make their plans.