Second-Guessing Our Decision to "Opt-Out" of Public School

[Anonymous]

I think you made the right choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is starting pre-K at a private school next month. The tuition there is astronomical but we are receiving very generous financial aid. Our annual cost including after-school care will be about $12,000 - a big sacrifice for us, but not technically unaffordable.

We applied to this private school because we were not optimistic about our chances of getting a slot in a public school we were happy with through the lottery system, so we decided to cast a wide net. We never expected to get a seat in a good public school AND a spot at this private school with enough financial aid to make it doable. Enviable decision, I know.

When we revisited both schools before the enrollment deadline, it was clear that the early years would be a wash - both were great and our daughter would have thrived in either place. However, in the older grades in the public school had increasingly large classes, and we noticed that most kids were sitting quietly doing worksheets while the teacher worked one-on-one with a student. By contrast, the kids in the private school classes (topped out at 13 kids per class) were doing hands-on project-based learning and were really engaged and excited about what they were learning.

We asked about the possibility of starting in public and switching to private in the later grades, and were told very candidly that our daughter would very likely be accepted to the school again but that it was now or never in terms of the FA package.

That swayed our decision, so we opted for private school. But now I am having gnawing doubts about whether we did the right thing. Our child is smart and flexible and probably would have done great at either school. Are we doing her a disservice by taking her out of her home community (very racially and socioeconomically diverse) and parachuting her into this land of privilege? I'm also feeling immense guilt about opting out of the public school system at a time when engaged and active parents are needed most.

Any words of wisdom for those who have felt similarly? I'm having a really hard time sorting through all my feelings and untangling what's best for my daughter vs. what's right for our family vs. what's the right thing to do for society.

Look, you can always switch to public if the private doesn't work out, but not the other way around. We started in public, and it was AWFUL. It's still not good. But then it was too late to go private, because our child was attached to his friends here. And by the way, we also thought he'd do great in public - we didn't anticipate how truly awful fcps kindergarten would be, for a kid as bright and prepared as ours was to fail so completely. Go private, I say. Wish we had, so much.

No, the public is not going to be a choice past the start of this school year, because she got in by lottery and would have to have incredible luck to lottery in again. Sounds like a top DC charter or out of bounds DCPS. Hence why she is stressing about the decision.

OP here - yes, PP is correct: the public school options is out of bounds DCPS. Lovely little school. We will absolutely not luck into a lottery spot here again. This particular public school and private school are both one shot deals - we choose one and foreclose the other option, probably permanently. Hence the stress. I'm not going to share our HHI (because I don't want to derail this thread onto whether we can "afford" private or not), but I will say that private schools with decent endowments are interested in providing FA to middle class families too. Otherwise their population would only be the very wealthiest and the very poorest, and what they're really looking for is a full spectrum of SES.

Is this tuition guaranteed for all the years that she is there? In other words, could the $12K this year turn into 24K next year? That would be my only concern. Many schools rope you in this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have a son in public school going into second grade, what the school does is it slowly kills his love of learning. Maybe it's the school that is not great , but I am good most if not all public schools have this issue: too many worksheets, large classes, drill or kill, tons of time spent on lining up, waiting for their turn and all. Not enoght field trips, not enoght fun, if it's not aligned with the curriculum it is out.
Go with the private.

I'm sorry you had this experience, but you have to understand and accept that not every public school is like the one your child attended. None of what you describe applied to the schools OP is likely talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter is starting pre-K at a private school next month. The tuition there is astronomical but we are receiving very generous financial aid. Our annual cost including after-school care will be about $12,000 - a big sacrifice for us, but not technically unaffordable.

We applied to this private school because we were not optimistic about our chances of getting a slot in a public school we were happy with through the lottery system, so we decided to cast a wide net. We never expected to get a seat in a good public school AND a spot at this private school with enough financial aid to make it doable. Enviable decision, I know.

When we revisited both schools before the enrollment deadline, it was clear that the early years would be a wash - both were great and our daughter would have thrived in either place. However, in the older grades in the public school had increasingly large classes, and we noticed that most kids were sitting quietly doing worksheets while the teacher worked one-on-one with a student. By contrast, the kids in the private school classes (topped out at 13 kids per class) were doing hands-on project-based learning and were really engaged and excited about what they were learning.

We asked about the possibility of starting in public and switching to private in the later grades, and were told very candidly that our daughter would very likely be accepted to the school again but that it was now or never in terms of the FA package.

That swayed our decision, so we opted for private school. But now I am having gnawing doubts about whether we did the right thing. Our child is smart and flexible and probably would have done great at either school. Are we doing her a disservice by taking her out of her home community (very racially and socioeconomically diverse) and parachuting her into this land of privilege? I'm also feeling immense guilt about opting out of the public school system at a time when engaged and active parents are needed most.

Any words of wisdom for those who have felt similarly? I'm having a really hard time sorting through all my feelings and untangling what's best for my daughter vs. what's right for our family vs. what's the right thing to do for society.

Look, you can always switch to public if the private doesn't work out, but not the other way around. We started in public, and it was AWFUL. It's still not good. But then it was too late to go private, because our child was attached to his friends here. And by the way, we also thought he'd do great in public - we didn't anticipate how truly awful fcps kindergarten would be, for a kid as bright and prepared as ours was to fail so completely. Go private, I say. Wish we had, so much.

No, the public is not going to be a choice past the start of this school year, because she got in by lottery and would have to have incredible luck to lottery in again. Sounds like a top DC charter or out of bounds DCPS. Hence why she is stressing about the decision.

OP here - yes, PP is correct: the public school options is out of bounds DCPS. Lovely little school. We will absolutely not luck into a lottery spot here again. This particular public school and private school are both one shot deals - we choose one and foreclose the other option, probably permanently. Hence the stress. I'm not going to share our HHI (because I don't want to derail this thread onto whether we can "afford" private or not), but I will say that private schools with decent endowments are interested in providing FA to middle class families too. Otherwise their population would only be the very wealthiest and the very poorest, and what they're really looking for is a full spectrum of SES.

Op, if you're still there, do you have a sense of whether or not they would have accepted you if they weren't able to offer you aid? We're really torn on this. We could:
1. Apply to the privates for Pre-K now requesting aid (with the possibility of being turned down entirely because they don't have funds to give) or
2. We could wait until 5th/6th and apply without a request for aid. If we save throughout elementary we may be able to afford full-price.

Not sure if we have one shot at this or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the public school you lotteried into still an option? Personally I would only go private if a good public did not work out.

This. I would save the 12k in a 529.

But the 12K includes aftercare, and likely an earlier start time as well. At our local public school that would be about $6,000. So, we're actually talking about a $6,000 a year savings.

Plus at many private schools, students automatically get a discount on summer programming that's equal to the percentage discount they get on tuition, leading to further savings.

[Anonymous]

If you choose the private school, then your public school options are likely crappy.

If you choose the public school, then you won't be able to afford private school AND won't really have any better public school options.

Honestly, if you go over to the private school forum, many families sacrifice to afford it and a few have lots of money/help to pay full tuition.

[Anonymous]

What did you decide, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry about the "what's best for society" part. But keep a critical eye on the private school this first year. Don't drink the kool aid about how great it is quite yet. Yes they may have small classes and project learning but they may also have mean girls and high pressure fundraising and encourage tutors and diagnoses at the first sign of any struggle. Personal attention is great. Looking at all the students under a magnifying glass is not.

Seriously. Do what's best for your kid.