Would you marry someone with a chronic illness?
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Anonymous
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I would. DH was (and is) fully able-bodied and free of chronic illness, but that could change at any time with no notice (as could happen to any of us). I went into marriage accepting it as a possibility and knowing I would still want to be with him, so why would I let the reality of it, as opposed to the possibility, stand in the way?
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Anonymous
| My sister has Crohn's. She had multiple guys propose and ended up marrying an old friend of hers and they have 2 kids and have been married almost 20 years. |
Anonymous
| I have Crohn's and see it as pretty different than something like severe MS. With medication it's very manageable at least for me. I've been happily married for 13 years with 2 kids. |
Anonymous
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I have UC which is relatively well-managed, and a few years after we started dating I got into a car accident that left me nearly bedridden for several months. At the time, I didn't know how much of my previous mobility I would recover. Now-DH and I had started dating over a shared love of outdoor activities, and I was heart-broken both over whether he would want to stay with me (though I pretty much knew he would) and whether it was unfair because my limitations would make it harder for him to pursue these activities. My mom, who is the last person I'd expect to be the wise one, ultimately reassured me that life is long and people change...and she was sure he loved me for much more than my physical abilities.
And sure enough, he and I were engaged a few months after that discussion and married about a year later. Many years later, the accident no longer impacts me...and unrelated to either my accident or my UC we overcame several years of infertility to have two kids. OP, life is long, people change, and love is not rational. My uncle had very severe and aggressive UC that left him frequently ill and ultimately led to an early death. My aunt was by his side throughout, and then cared for both of my grandparents (her ILs) through their final illnesses. She maintains that knowing all of the grief and pain she would suffer losing her husband, she would marry him again in a heartbeat. She says, "When all the memories are happy, the grief is not so painful." Maybe the one exception to this is certain types of mental illness, where it can interfere with the ability to form relationships. I know someone who broke off an engagement after her fiance started experiencing paranoid hallucinations and refused treatment. She tried for a while, but I don't think that could have ever worked. |
Anonymous
Would you risk it for love without the quote marks? |
Anonymous
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Chronic illnesses can create inequalities in relationship and also lead to one person being the caregiver. It can change the dynamic if the person with the illness takes on a sick role or identifies with their illness or tends towards learned helplessness, self-pity, or pessimism.
I think it is very easy to fall in love and marry someone with a chronic illness as at that point the burden of caregiving or the extent of the limitations aren't evident. I think if you have a chronic illness you should marry somehow who likes taking are of others and finds that rewarding. I also think you should have a longer relationship before marrying to really get to know how the illness will impact on the relationship. It is the responsibility of the person with the illness to do eveything they can to minimize the impact. I also think you should always consider the illness in life decisions. Maybe you have fewer kids or no kids in order to ensure the well partner isn't taking on more than is healthy. |
Anonymous
Similar here. Both my ex and my DH did. Divorce wasn't about the illness. I was diagnosed with two other chronic illnesses within weeks of starting to date my DH. He definitely could have ghosted. I've had two other serious proposals as well. A big thing is to remain positive about life in general and not let yourself get self-centered. |
Anonymous
| My husband did. I have a heart condition. It's supposed to mean I need a minor heart surgery every 7-10 years but in reality I've had surgery like every 2-4 years. He seems to be fully in love with me despite that. |
Anonymous
No. |
Anonymous
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I sis. DH has MS. It has progressed a lot in recent years and he has aged a lot. He us depressed and cranky and difficult to deal with. It is a huge stressor in our marriage and lives. I am young but feel like I am married to an elderly man.
I would not marry him if I could do it again. |
Anonymous
| I am caretaker to DW, who is battling Stage IV cancer. She was diagnosed a little less than two years ago and it has been a rough road. The caretaker role is a difficult one and makes me think a lot about the "for better or for worse" part of our marriage vows. I take a lot of pride in helping her through this difficult time and I think our love has grown. But dealing with this 20 years into a marriage is a lot different than going into a new relationship and being aware of chronic illness. The reality of dealing with this is a lot different than in a Lifetime movie. The emotional and financial toll can be severe on both the patient and caretaker. It makes me really appreciate the times when we were both in good health, which we definitely took for granted. |
Anonymous
| Not fibromyalgia. |
Anonymous
If I loved the person, I would adopt kids rather than pass on the illness. |
Anonymous
| My DD has Cerebral Palsy and she's concerned that no one will marry her, but she's such a sweetheart, so I hope someone will take the plunge one day. I think DH has bipolar, but we were high school sweethearts and it wasn't apparent then. He doesn't believe in therapy, so for that reason alone I would've have married him. It's hard dealing with his outbursts of anger and rage. |
Anonymous
Why not? I don't have it, but my friend does. Her DH actually left his first wife for her! |