Would you marry someone with a chronic illness?

[Anonymous]

We did the mental health version of this, now let's talk physical illnesses. Diabetes, fibromyalgia, MS, Crohn's, ulcerative colitis, arthritis etc.

My daughter is 15 and has Crohn's and I often wonder if that will hold her back if/when she decides to start dating seriously/settle down with someone.

[Anonymous]

Real Love doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Not one that would keep someone from working, no. I don't want kids so I don't care if it's hereditary. I'm not supporting two people with my income for the rest of my life, though.

[Anonymous]

My father did - my mother had had severe Multiple Sclerosis crises, not identified as MS until much later, and he married her even though they had no idea what had brought about that paralysis and tremors.

[Anonymous]

It depends.

I have UC and it's really not a huge deal. I get my Remicade infusions 6x/year, avoid a few specific foods, do a colonoscopy every year and need a little more sleep than normal (aim for 8 hrs 45 minutes /night) but other than that my life isn't at all different than someone without the disease. I was diagnosed a few years into my marriage and it's not been an issue at all.

That said I think there's a big difference between that and someone with say, severe MS who will spend the rest of their life in a wheelchair and never be able to work again. Of course I like to think I wouldn't care but that's probably not true.

[Anonymous]

My husband did. And he was the third guy who ever proposed to me, so they're men out there who still fall in love with and want to marry people like us.

Give me a break with this thread op, really?

[Anonymous]

If I loved the person, of course.

Seriously, what is this thread supposed to accomplish?

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP

I have a daughter who is 20. She has an autoimmune disease. It's so much work and stress for us to care for her. I have also wondered if she will ever be married. It will take a very special person to take on what's required.
But, then I remember my daughter is pretty great and I assume she will attract just that.

But....I get where you are coming from. When you worry about a sick kid, this is just one of the things that rolls around in your head.

[Anonymous]

I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I've had it since I was a child. (Yes, that does happen.)

When my now-DH started getting serious, I sat him down and walked him through it all. How it had progressed, how the future looked, the risks to me and future children, the uncertainities regarding pregnancy, etc. I told him I understood if he didn't want to committ, because of the burden.

He immediately said, "I love you. All of you. That stuff doesn't matter."

That was 15 years ago. We have two fantastic kids (one with rheumatoid arthritis), and he has never questioned it.

Sure, he does have to pick up the slack sometimes, or teases me when I hobble on really bad days, but my RA has never been an issue to him or our relationship.

He's a keeper.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has been in a wheelchair all his life, and is now also on a respiratory machine. He is also married to a wonderful woman who does not have a disability. They travel the world. He has a PhD and is a film maker. She is basically a goddess in my eyes.

[Anonymous]

For me it would depend on the nature of the illness and the likelihood of it being passed on to kids.
I could not knowingly sign my kids up for a life time of suffering and a death sentence because of "love".

[Anonymous]

I think for me it would depend on their level of independence

I would not be interested in someone looking for a second mommy or caregiver.

Someone who fully managed their illness and was living a full life and didn't have a poor m victim mentality sure.

[Anonymous]

Crohns wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. There are much worse diseases, not to minimize your daughters experience.

I know 2 people with crohns who are married with kids.

[Anonymous]

My mother had cancer when my dad married her. I had (still have) cancer when DH married me. Over 12 years, we have spent 4 dealing with chemo, radiation, and monthly cancer screenings. I have always managed to work or take short term disability. I make twice what DH does, but save significantly, so our finances haven't been greatly impacted.

[Anonymous]

DH has psoriasis. It didn't flare up and wasn't diagnosed until after we had been together for a while. It's mild to moderate, though it impacts his energy levels and mood to the point that sometimes it's difficult to be around him. I love him, but I sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I bring up his psoriasis.