360-lb family member... No plans to lose weight. Odds of heart attack?

[Anonymous]

How is his quality of life? I mean, is he happy?

[Anonymous]

You can look up the odds of a heart attack yourself, I'm sure. Your post frankly sounds a little condescending (his parents will be so sad!), and the fact that you have begged him to change his habits to no avail means it's time to butt out.

See if you can work on your ability to accept and love your family members the way they are. It can be devastating to fat people to know that they are being monitored and judged continually by those who are supposed to love them unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is his quality of life? I mean, is he happy?

He is unmarried, lives with his parents, unemployed, very angry all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can look up the odds of a heart attack yourself, I'm sure. Your post frankly sounds a little condescending (his parents will be so sad!), and the fact that you have begged him to change his habits to no avail means it's time to butt out.

See if you can work on your ability to accept and love your family members the way they are. It can be devastating to fat people to know that they are being monitored and judged continually by those who are supposed to love them unconditionally.

I love my family members and want them to be with our family for as long as possible. How is that condescending or judgmental?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being morbidly obese shortens your life for the vast majority of people, but of course there are exceptions. No way to predict.

+1. My aunt died around this weight when she was 55 after being forced into early retirement a year earlier due to health complications. Her cause of death was collapsed lungs, not a heart attack. The family tried everything a human being can imagine - just as with other addictions, sometimes interventions do more harm than good, sometimes they just fail, and sometimes they take.

My husband is currently hovering just over 300 lbs at 40, and I'm constantly on edge but keeping my mouth shut other than to be supportive when he brings it up,

Similar position. My husband - who I love so so so much - is a little heavier than that, even, at age 43. He knows; he's trying - it's very hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look up the odds of a heart attack yourself, I'm sure. Your post frankly sounds a little condescending (his parents will be so sad!), and the fact that you have begged him to change his habits to no avail means it's time to butt out.

See if you can work on your ability to accept and love your family members the way they are. It can be devastating to fat people to know that they are being monitored and judged continually by those who are supposed to love them unconditionally.

I love my family members and want them to be with our family for as long as possible. How is that condescending or judgmental?

You think he is a fat, angry loser (no job and lives with parents) and you wonder why I think you're judgemental? You are begging him in person to lose weight and then act disappointed when he doesn't oblige you. It's incredibly condescending to think that someone needs to run their lives in a way that accommodates YOUR feelings (I love him and want him here!). Give me some statistics so I can try to frighten him into changing for me! I will use his parents to try to guilt him into changing for me!
ME ME ME!

It's NOT ABOUT YOU. He is an adult and you do not get to tell him how to live. If you love him, you will stop badgering him and shut the hell up. Doesn't he have enough problems without having to manage your needs, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look up the odds of a heart attack yourself, I'm sure. Your post frankly sounds a little condescending (his parents will be so sad!), and the fact that you have begged him to change his habits to no avail means it's time to butt out.

See if you can work on your ability to accept and love your family members the way they are. It can be devastating to fat people to know that they are being monitored and judged continually by those who are supposed to love them unconditionally.

I love my family members and want them to be with our family for as long as possible. How is that condescending or judgmental?

You think he is a fat, angry loser (no job and lives with parents) and you wonder why I think you're judgemental? You are begging him in person to lose weight and then act disappointed when he doesn't oblige you. It's incredibly condescending to think that someone needs to run their lives in a way that accommodates YOUR feelings (I love him and want him here!). Give me some statistics so I can try to frighten him into changing for me! I will use his parents to try to guilt him into changing for me!
ME ME ME!

It's NOT ABOUT YOU. He is an adult and you do not get to tell him how to live. If you love him, you will stop badgering him and shut the hell up. Doesn't he have enough problems without having to manage your needs, too?

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is his quality of life? I mean, is he happy?

He is unmarried, lives with his parents, unemployed, very angry all the time.

Well, these are what need to be addressed. The weight is most likely a byproduct of all of these other issues.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting discussion.

Fat people should not be judged as we would judge people with other addictions, like alcohol, drugs, etc. Right?

But it is not as if the morbidly obese person is not causing pain to those they love by their continued addiction to food and their failure to do anything about it.

The family has to take care of the person physically over time, help pay all the additional health costs, and help the person navigate his/her handicaps as knees break down, etc. Everyday tasks are more difficult and everyone else assumes their burden.

Perhaps we shouldn't judge, but it is not the same as if a person is handicapped through a car accident or other situation that is no fault of his/her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look up the odds of a heart attack yourself, I'm sure. Your post frankly sounds a little condescending (his parents will be so sad!), and the fact that you have begged him to change his habits to no avail means it's time to butt out.

See if you can work on your ability to accept and love your family members the way they are. It can be devastating to fat people to know that they are being monitored and judged continually by those who are supposed to love them unconditionally.

I love my family members and want them to be with our family for as long as possible. How is that condescending or judgmental?

You think he is a fat, angry loser (no job and lives with parents) and you wonder why I think you're judgemental? You are begging him in person to lose weight and then act disappointed when he doesn't oblige you. It's incredibly condescending to think that someone needs to run their lives in a way that accommodates YOUR feelings (I love him and want him here!). Give me some statistics so I can try to frighten him into changing for me! I will use his parents to try to guilt him into changing for me!
ME ME ME!

It's NOT ABOUT YOU. He is an adult and you do not get to tell him how to live. If you love him, you will stop badgering him and shut the hell up. Doesn't he have enough problems without having to manage your needs, too?

Wow.

The PP is correct. I'm the pp with the heavy husband (the second pp with the heavy husband). I hear the things people say to him. I used to say things like that myself, but he opened my eyes to how unhelpful that shit is. People say things to him on the street, family members offer unsolicited opinions and advice. HE KNOWS HE'S HEAVY. He would like not to be! He really doesn't need to hear people expressing their opinions on his body, even when they do so out of love.

[Anonymous]

OP, he knows he weight 360 lbs, he knows he needs to lose it, he knows he'll likely have a heart attack at a younger-than-anticipated age, he knows his parents/family will be sad. His problem is not the fact he doesn't know, it's the fact that he doesn't care. Replace all my previous "knows" with "cares". Now think of the ways you can make those happen. Reminding him of stuff he already knows doesn't do that.

[Anonymous]

My died weighed a lot, no idea how much but 350 seems like a reasonable estimate. He dropped dead at 48. He was also a raging alcoholic so that was certainly a contributing factor. Can't say anyone was terribly surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look up the odds of a heart attack yourself, I'm sure. Your post frankly sounds a little condescending (his parents will be so sad!), and the fact that you have begged him to change his habits to no avail means it's time to butt out.

See if you can work on your ability to accept and love your family members the way they are. It can be devastating to fat people to know that they are being monitored and judged continually by those who are supposed to love them unconditionally.

I love my family members and want them to be with our family for as long as possible. How is that condescending or judgmental?

You think he is a fat, angry loser (no job and lives with parents) and you wonder why I think you're judgemental? You are begging him in person to lose weight and then act disappointed when he doesn't oblige you. It's incredibly condescending to think that someone needs to run their lives in a way that accommodates YOUR feelings (I love him and want him here!). Give me some statistics so I can try to frighten him into changing for me! I will use his parents to try to guilt him into changing for me!
ME ME ME!

It's NOT ABOUT YOU. He is an adult and you do not get to tell him how to live. If you love him, you will stop badgering him and shut the hell up. Doesn't he have enough problems without having to manage your needs, too?

Please get therapy. Seriously. That level of anger at a stranger is crazy and inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

My Dad is like this, but he's 70 and has been overweight a long time (he's 6'2" so definitely obese but not unable to get around or whatever). Doc says a stroke is the most likely disaster, which scares him because he always thought he'd go quick with a heart attack. He knows he is heavy and drinks too much, but change is really hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting discussion.

Fat people should not be judged as we would judge people with other addictions, like alcohol, drugs, etc. Right?

But it is not as if the morbidly obese person is not causing pain to those they love by their continued addiction to food and their failure to do anything about it.

The family has to take care of the person physically over time, help pay all the additional health costs, and help the person navigate his/her handicaps as knees break down, etc. Everyday tasks are more difficult and everyone else assumes their burden.

Perhaps we shouldn't judge, but it is not the same as if a person is handicapped through a car accident or other situation that is no fault of his/her own.

PP who lost a relative and compared weight to any other addiction. I don't judge any sort of addict more than any other, whether food, alcohol, or drugs. Part of me feels like judgment of any sort is just piling on to someone who is obviously in distress. Part of me agrees with you that a person, at least one not in the clutches of addiction 24/7, would/should realize what a selfish choice they are making.