How important is a 40th wedding anniversary

[Anonymous]

Very important. More important than two birthday parties and a sister's routine visit. I would easily cancel all of the activities that you listed if necessary. Your child will not remember the first birthday. I would move that to the weekend before or after to celebrate and celebrate with your parents.

When my parents had their 40th birthday, I threw a big party and invited 60 of their friends to come and celebrate. We treated it like a wedding, arranged a hotel block for folks, and weekend activities. When they had their 50th, they chose to take a major family cruise. Their wish was to have all the children and grandchildren together. All but one grandchild came. Next week, they celebrate their 60th and they are having a big party including many of their friends and again, all children and all but one grandchild will be there. We all respect these events for major achievements deserving of a lot of recognition and love.

Hopefully when your children are adults, they will respect you more than you respect your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

It's important. You don't know what the future holds. Seize the day.

I threw my parents a 45th anniversary party ("45 fabulous years!") because I could see that my mom would soon be fading. It was great. We were able to have in attendance a lot of people from their wedding party, plus their present-day friends. Pictures, videos, remarks, memories - I'm so glad we did it. Mom did indeed fade soon after, and died 6 months short of their 50th anniversary.

It's worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 40th is in a few months. The kids don't give a damn.

I'm pretty sure my parents have been married at least 40 years, considering that my brother is 42. I don't give a damn because they are miserable being together, and they make everyone around them miserable. I don't think there's anything to celebrate in regards to them staying together. My mother has literally never supported herself and doesn't know how so she needs my father, and I think my father would be afraid of the unknown, combined with a deep sense of "honoring obligations and commitments." If they had a happy marriage I would have been happy to celebrate it.

My parents have a similar marriage but we threw them a 50th anyway. Everyone ended up having a nice time and even my parents got nostalgic after seeing their friends and family come together. They're not getting one for their 65th, since my mom is currently criticizing Dad every waking hour. Zero filter.

[Anonymous]

I think you go. If they were last minute asking you to fly across the country for it, I'd give you a pass since even for my own parents I couldn't scrape up the cost of 4 plane tickets, a rental car and a hotel room plus the time off from work with such little notice, but a 4 hour drive isn't a big ask.

We didn't throw my parents a 40th because I was studying for the bar and my brother was only 20 at the time, but we will be throwing a 50th next year, God willing they are both still with us and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Important. Go.

[Anonymous]

Our 40th is next year so I guess I will find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 40th is in a few months. The kids don't give a damn.

I'm pretty sure my parents have been married at least 40 years, considering that my brother is 42. I don't give a damn because they are miserable being together, and they make everyone around them miserable. I don't think there's anything to celebrate in regards to them staying together. My mother has literally never supported herself and doesn't know how so she needs my father, and I think my father would be afraid of the unknown, combined with a deep sense of "honoring obligations and commitments." If they had a happy marriage I would have been happy to celebrate it.

I went to a big 50th. They were elderly and the dirt bag husband had cheated for much of their marriage. He fathered a child with another lady who he didn't have any contact with. While it was a nice party, I kept thinking how fake it all was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 40th is in a few months. The kids don't give a damn.

I'm pretty sure my parents have been married at least 40 years, considering that my brother is 42. I don't give a damn because they are miserable being together, and they make everyone around them miserable. I don't think there's anything to celebrate in regards to them staying together. My mother has literally never supported herself and doesn't know how so she needs my father, and I think my father would be afraid of the unknown, combined with a deep sense of "honoring obligations and commitments." If they had a happy marriage I would have been happy to celebrate it.

My parents have a similar marriage but we threw them a 50th anyway. Everyone ended up having a nice time and even my parents got nostalgic after seeing their friends and family come together. They're not getting one for their 65th, since my mom is currently criticizing Dad every waking hour. Zero filter.

Part of aging is becoming more blunt and rude. It can even be a form of dementia. I read about it when my dear grandma started saying rude things and had no filter in her 80's.

I'm not saying you need to do anything for their anniversary though. My husband and I think of our anniversary as mostly important to us. I'm not into the big obligations on everyone. I know our kids love us and I don't need grand gestures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a tremendously important milestone and that you should make it happen.

Sounds like you are happy to overbook your weekends, as long as they involve your side of the family. (And I say this as a DW!)

I 100% agree with this!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 40th is in a few months. The kids don't give a damn.

I'm pretty sure my parents have been married at least 40 years, considering that my brother is 42. I don't give a damn because they are miserable being together, and they make everyone around them miserable. I don't think there's anything to celebrate in regards to them staying together. My mother has literally never supported herself and doesn't know how so she needs my father, and I think my father would be afraid of the unknown, combined with a deep sense of "honoring obligations and commitments." If they had a happy marriage I would have been happy to celebrate it.

My parents have a similar marriage but we threw them a 50th anyway. Everyone ended up having a nice time and even my parents got nostalgic after seeing their friends and family come together. They're not getting one for their 65th, since my mom is currently criticizing Dad every waking hour. Zero filter.

Part of aging is becoming more blunt and rude. It can even be a form of dementia. I read about it when my dear grandma started saying rude things and had no filter in her 80's.

I'm not saying you need to do anything for their anniversary though. My husband and I think of our anniversary as mostly important to us. I'm not into the big obligations on everyone. I know our kids love us and I don't need grand gestures.

Pp here. Thank you for your thoughts. I also think my mom's lack of filter may be a form of dementia. 15 years ago, she could still show him some affection and appreciate their shared sacrifices and accomplishments. DH and I don't need grand gestures, either. Our anniversary has always been a quiet celebration with just the two of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 40th is in a few months. The kids don't give a damn.

I'm pretty sure my parents have been married at least 40 years, considering that my brother is 42. I don't give a damn because they are miserable being together, and they make everyone around them miserable. I don't think there's anything to celebrate in regards to them staying together. My mother has literally never supported herself and doesn't know how so she needs my father, and I think my father would be afraid of the unknown, combined with a deep sense of "honoring obligations and commitments." If they had a happy marriage I would have been happy to celebrate it.

I went to a big 50th. They were elderly and the dirt bag husband had cheated for much of their marriage. He fathered a child with another lady who he didn't have any contact with. While it was a nice party, I kept thinking how fake it all was.

I would never throw my parents an anniversary party if one or bothof them had cheated.

[Anonymous]

Very important. More important than two birthday parties and a sister's routine visit. I would easily cancel all of the activities that you listed if necessary. Your child will not remember the first birthday. I would move that to the weekend before or after to celebrate and celebrate with your ILs. .......

Fixed that - and I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 40th is in a few months. The kids don't give a damn.

I'm pretty sure my parents have been married at least 40 years, considering that my brother is 42. I don't give a damn because they are miserable being together, and they make everyone around them miserable. I don't think there's anything to celebrate in regards to them staying together. My mother has literally never supported herself and doesn't know how so she needs my father, and I think my father would be afraid of the unknown, combined with a deep sense of "honoring obligations and commitments." If they had a happy marriage I would have been happy to celebrate it.

You don't have to worry about celebrating your 40th wedding anniversary. Judging from your bitchy above response, you'll be lucky if you make it another year. I would bet a great deal that your DH is one miserable man.

[Anonymous]

You don't yet have plans for that weekend. It would be disappointing to move the first birthday, but it's not actually planned yet.

I don't like my ILs, and they have been jerks about certain demands regarding milestone events. But this isn't a big or expensive ask. Try to make it. Or have DH go alone, if your health problems honestly make a difference. If you already had a party planned or something else specific and important that weekend, I would say no, but you don't actually have a solid excuse that weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is important and you should go.

This.

They might not make it to 50.

Your husband might blame you if you miss it...even if he seemingly agrees with you now.