Do I bring it up or let it go?
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Anonymous
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Your daughter's cousins don't include her because they know that you have no boundaries whatsoever and that anything she finds out about them will promptly be known by you, and quite possibly reported to their own parents.
You think she hasn't mentioned to her cousins that you read her texts? And I can't even believe that you would try to tattle on them for not including her. Unbelievable. Quite frankly, I'm completely surprised that they have anything to do with your daughter at all. Even if she's the nicest kid in the world (and they no doubt do see her as a little kid, being younger than them to begin with and then having such an overprotective parent), sometimes you just don't want a little kid hanging around. Especially one who (directly or indirectly) tattles to your parents. |
Anonymous
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OP: As painful as it might be for a parent to see their child experience any distress or unhappiness, learning to deal with it is part of the normal maturation process, from childhood, through adolescence, to adulthood.
At 16, your daughter is well on the way to adulthood. You need to step back and allow her to work through these sorts of things more independently, or she will not mature in an emotionally healthy manner. Certainly, you can provide support to her in the background, but direct intervention on your part will not in the long or short term likely result in helping your daughter. |
Anonymous
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Your question is whether you should micro-manage the social interactions of your 16 yo daughter? Maybe call the parents of other teenagers, or adults, that your daughter feels have excluded her?
Uh, no. No, you should not. On a related note, have you decided yet whether you are going to move the whole family to the town where your daughter goes to college, or are you just going to get an apartment with her? |
Anonymous
| Previous poster's ^^ remarks were not necessary. I do agree that you (the mom) need to stay out of it. If your daughter is upset, it is her job to talk to her cousin. She should not be accusatory, but tell them she would have loved to have been at the diner. Perhaps the. |
Anonymous
| Oops. Perhaps the cousin has an excuse? |
Anonymous
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I'd acknowledge that your daughter's feelings are fair and completely understandable. I would be hurt by what they did also, and I think it's kind of mean. And I'd say that to her.
Then I'd ask her what she wants to do about it. Unless her plan is awful, support her in doing what she wants. And/or ask her if she'd like any advice. If she says no then stay out of it. If she says yes then perhaps suggest that she respond to the cousins and say something like "What's up w/ going to the diner without me right after I suggested it. That hurt my feelings." THis can be a powerful lesson in owning her emotions, handling them directly and appropriately, and emerging from it feeling empowered. (If you're lucky - that's admittedly a pretty rosy outlook.) BUt learning how to suffer disappointment, and how to talk with someone you're close to who has hurt your feelings, is a huge developmental step. You can help her through that, if she's open to your help. She's also old enough that if she doesn't want you to get involved that is worth respecting. |
Anonymous
Not necessary . . . but warranted. JFC. |
Anonymous
Neither necessary nor warranted. Is it THAT HARD to be kind when giving feedback? Especially when making a point others have already made? |
Anonymous
I'm not this PP, but do you really think this is the very first time the OP has had the hint from anyone that her behavior is not going to enable her daughter to have (m)any friends? 
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Anonymous
You should definitely have rules in place and reading her texts is not the crime many other replies want to make it out to be. Many times it is the only way to know what is going on with ones teenager.. |
Anonymous
Remember this is a family situation, not just friends from school, that puts a whole different twist on the situation. But the OP should be their for her daughter but not tell her daughter what to do unless asked for her opinion. |
Anonymous
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Op Here:
Just a quick clarification, about 2 months ago DD was caught inappropriately texting boys at her school so her phone got taken away and I started checking her texts. She is slowly gaining my trust and now I check once a week, and hopefully soon I won't have to check at all. That night I was curious and I just wanted to read the cousins group chat because DD seemed awfully down about not being invited. As it turns out DD was the one that suggested it first and they went without her.Family texts are usually ones I don't read, but I just wanted to know why DD was so hung up about it. |
Anonymous
Op Here: I think if just my two eldest nieces, 24 and 19 went, DD would've been fine. But I think that since her 14 year old cousin also went it kind of made DD sad wondering 'why not me?' But luckily all is forgotten, and she's going to go to the same diner with her friends on the weekend! |
Anonymous
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Op Again:
So DD decided to text them and said: How was the food there? It seemed like you guys had fun. N19: The fries were great! You should come with us next time!! DD: I texted you guys a few days ago asking to go together and everyone said they'll let me know what day works N14: We thought you wouldn't wanna come so we didn't ask N24: Next time we'll take you!! DD: Oh okay. DD showed me their texts earlier today and I was pretty confused, why would they say 'we thought you wouldn't want to come?' DD just shrugged her shoulders and said 'I don't know.' DD is thankfully over all of this, and I'm not going to say anything to anyone, I just found the whole interaction weird. |
Anonymous
You need to give her to coping skills to speak with them herself. A simple "hey guys, why didn't you loop me in to the plan to go to the diner, since it was my idea??  " text should get the message across.
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