Red Flags?

[Anonymous]

Seriously jealous, controlling and paranoid.

Run don't walk.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I have been accused of cheating on him the entire relationship (1.5 years)
I have never given him reason to expect this to be true. In his mind I am a complete liar. We literally text all day long and I was showing him pictures of me at the park painting my toes.
I just honestly don't understand how he goes from 0 to 10000 so fast. He made up a complete story in his mind and went with it. WTF

[Anonymous]

Either you are a troll or he's cheating.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I am not a troll. I wish I was making this up, but as I type it out and read it, I can't believe how unstable our relationship was

[Anonymous]

It's not you OP, it's him. People with trust issues always assume they're being cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not you OP, it's him. People with trust issues always assume they're being cheated on.

OP here. I am not wanting to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. I really do love him and he is great in a lot of ways, it's just this. This constantly being accused over stupid reasons is just getting old. Do I realize that people have issues and just try to look past it?

[Anonymous]

A sociopath may rage that you’re cheating with your co-workers, neighbors, parents from your kids’ sports teams. Even if you’re totally innocent, and you’ve never even spoken to any of these people, the tirades may be almost unbearable.

So what do you do? You may try to avoid the sociopath’s rage by making sure that you don’t give him or her any reason to make the wild accusations. You don’t talk to anyone at work. You limit contact with your neighbors or other parents.

In other words, you isolate yourself and isolation places you further under the sociopath’s control.

So if a partner who exhibits sociopathic traits unjustifiably accuses you of cheating, recognize the accusation for what it is a tactic for asserting control over you. It’s a warning sign that you should get out of the relationship as soon as you can.

Do not admit to cheating that you didn’t do, just to get the sociopath to stop raging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP. Red flag hanging from a pole mounted with sirens and flashing red lights. This guy is bad news. Please stay broken up and don't have further contact. For your sake and your child's.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not you OP, it's him. People with trust issues always assume they're being cheated on.

OP here. I am not wanting to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. I really do love him and he is great in a lot of ways, it's just this. This constantly being accused over stupid reasons is just getting old. Do I realize that people have issues and just try to look past it?

I'm the PP you quoted. I used to have major trust issues, so I know what I'm taking about. I used to always *know* that my BF was cheating on me, so I would snoop through his personal shit looking for "evidence."

Took many years and a LOT of effort/therapy/personal work to where I don't ever do that anymore, recognize that's a huge invasion of privacy and worked on being vulnerable with my fears with my SO.

Unless you're BF is ready to do the work, you're in for a relationship that's more trouble than its worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not you OP, it's him. People with trust issues always assume they're being cheated on.

OP here. I am not wanting to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. I really do love him and he is great in a lot of ways, it's just this. This constantly being accused over stupid reasons is just getting old. Do I realize that people have issues and just try to look past it?

NO NO NO NO, this is NOT NORMAL. Sorry for shouting, but there is no baby and no bathwater, just some stinky sewage that you need to get the hell away from. There is nothing here worth saving.

[Anonymous]

Read the post about abusive relationships

[Anonymous]

When Emotional Abuse Turns Into Physical...Trust Me...It Will In Time...So Leave Now....

Read that thread, OP

[Anonymous]

Psychological projection, this is also know as "blame shifting." This is when a person attributes their negative personality characteristics, flaws or undesirable behaviors onto someone else. It is very common and we all do it to one degree or another. From a psychological viewpoint, when your boyfriend is accusing you of cheating, this is what is going on within him: He feels guilty on some level for cheating; and thus, he accuses you of cheating. By accusing you of cheating, he has internally transformed the guilty feelings he has into blame that is directed at you. This is an age-old tactic and common form of denial. This is also hallmark behavior of the less-than-savvy cheater.

[Anonymous]

So 1.5 years with this psycho eh? I'm guessing this is not the first time he "broke up and blocked" you. Does he come grovelling back? If you take him back it's all on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not you OP, it's him. People with trust issues always assume they're being cheated on.

OP here. I am not wanting to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. I really do love him and he is great in a lot of ways, it's just this. This constantly being accused over stupid reasons is just getting old. Do I realize that people have issues and just try to look past it?

You are asking this because you know he's going to come back - that this is the same pattern again and again.

No, this is not fixable. And you have a daughter - do not, under any circumstances, expose her to this. Do you want her to think this is normal? To be in a relationship like this where she questions herself more than him and takes him back again and again?