Is 'Stealthing' a new form of sexual violence?

[Anonymous]

Yes, both men (women's lying about birth control) and women (men's lack of condom) should be worried about sleathing.

As the pp points out lack of a condom could leave someone or both parties sick or dead.

Why guys would be tempted to do this is beyond me, because they could catch a disease in the encounter too. And, the woman will know immediately if he was lying.

[Anonymous]

I think it's wrong for a woman to deceive about birth control, obviously. But the risk, if she's lying about hormonal BC, is unintended pregnancy. Removing a condom adds the potential for disease transmission.

[Anonymous]

PS and as a guy, it's easy to protect yourself against a woman's BC lie - wear a condom. And keep it on.

[Anonymous]

I think about this like I think about a lot of crimes/abuse -- abusers/rapists/criminals are horrible, sucky people. There are no amount of consciousness-raising campaigns that will take someone who thinks poking a hole in a condom is great fun, and get them to think, "oh! I'm stealing this woman's autonomy!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like "stealthing" is what Ebola was to the US a few years ago. It never actually materialized. The media seized on the issue, and sensationalized it, and there was 24/7 coverage of it to attract viewers (as the media is wont to do),but realistically, how many actual cases of "Ebola" are there stateside?

Maybe that's a bad example. However, this kind of scare tactic, boogeyman news sells. This whole stealthing business is probably much ado about nothing. You think there are sleeper cells of men, who sit around plotting how they can stealth women? Like stealthing is so hot, and this underground practice that is like the new "ruffi" or something?

In sum, I think the media is promoting this to frighten women, and it's working, when in reality there is like one person on the US who has probably done this. Flame away, but you're the one with the paranoid, victim complex, not me. I seriously doubt dudes are just like "oh yeah, I can't wait to secretly pull the condom off. It's so novel."

I had this thought too. Not really something to say outside an anonymous bulletin board at this point just in case it actually is widespread. Might be like those rainbow lipstick parties high school kids were reported having a few years ago that turned out to get articles read but apparently weren't widespread. (Of course, I'm against stealthing. )

If Oprah was still doing her show, I'm sure she would have done a "Stealthing" episode by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assemble the lawyers and women right advocates on this one.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/05/05/im-not-sure-this-is-rape-but-what-a-law-student-found-when-she-asked-women-about-stealthing/?tid=pm_lifestyle_pop&utm_term=.2f07564bb1be

What is the difference between this and women lying about being on birth control prior to intercourse? Courts have already set precedent that you can't sue women for lying about being on birth control (or being unable to get pregnant) but ending up pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I do not think that it's a NEW form of sexual violence. I think that there have been men who don't want to wear a condom for any number of reasons for as long as there have been condoms around. I know I've personally had sexual encounters where my partner told me that he didn't want to use a condom because it didn't feel the same. In each of those cases, my response was, "No problem. Have a great night" followed by leaving. If any of those partners had agreed to wear the condom and then removed it, I would have felt really violated and disrespected.

That said, I'm also pretty sure I'd notice if someone I was having sex with took off a condom.

I also don't think think this is that much different than a woman lying about being on birth control, except that the men on the internet bragging about stealthing are talking about the behavior in pretty rapey terms. I've not seen a woman lying about birth control talking like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think any birth control deception would be actionable.

Does this work both ways? If a women lies about being in birth control, is that stealthing?

Oh hello there men's rights activist! It's SO HARD to be a straight white man. How well did your ex do in the divorce and remarriage? That well, huh?

Pull your head from your rear and take another crack at this. This is exactly like women lying about being on birth control but becoming pregnant. Both are intentionally deceving the other partner.

Stop crying because you know your gravy train is bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assemble the lawyers and women right advocates on this one.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/05/05/im-not-sure-this-is-rape-but-what-a-law-student-found-when-she-asked-women-about-stealthing/?tid=pm_lifestyle_pop&utm_term=.2f07564bb1be

What is the difference between this and women lying about being on birth control prior to intercourse? Courts have already set precedent that you can't sue women for lying about being on birth control (or being unable to get pregnant) but ending up pregnant.

I don't think it's right to lie about birth control but there is a huge difference. One, as i and other posters pointed out, the risk of disease transmission with the condom. Two, it is a leap of faith for the man to trust that the woman is on birth control when they decide to have sex. Which means the violation comes before sex, which makes it not asexual abuse.When the man is wearing a condom when sex begins, it's not so much at leap of faith, because the condom is there. Taking it off Midway without telling your partner is in fact a kind of sexual violation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assemble the lawyers and women right advocates on this one.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/05/05/im-not-sure-this-is-rape-but-what-a-law-student-found-when-she-asked-women-about-stealthing/?tid=pm_lifestyle_pop&utm_term=.2f07564bb1be

What is the difference between this and women lying about being on birth control prior to intercourse? Courts have already set precedent that you can't sue women for lying about being on birth control (or being unable to get pregnant) but ending up pregnant.

The difference is exposure to disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assemble the lawyers and women right advocates on this one.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/05/05/im-not-sure-this-is-rape-but-what-a-law-student-found-when-she-asked-women-about-stealthing/?tid=pm_lifestyle_pop&utm_term=.2f07564bb1be

What is the difference between this and women lying about being on birth control prior to intercourse? Courts have already set precedent that you can't sue women for lying about being on birth control (or being unable to get pregnant) but ending up pregnant.

The difference is exposure to disease.

Oh give me a break.

There is no justifying a woman deceiving her partner by stopping BC. NO JUSTIFYING AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assemble the lawyers and women right advocates on this one.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/05/05/im-not-sure-this-is-rape-but-what-a-law-student-found-when-she-asked-women-about-stealthing/?tid=pm_lifestyle_pop&utm_term=.2f07564bb1be

What is the difference between this and women lying about being on birth control prior to intercourse? Courts have already set precedent that you can't sue women for lying about being on birth control (or being unable to get pregnant) but ending up pregnant.

The difference is exposure to disease.

Oh give me a break.

There is no justifying a woman deceiving her partner by stopping BC. NO JUSTIFYING AT ALL.

Not a justification. A difference.

I told my son, "do not leave your DNA in any place where she can use it to make a baby. I don't care what she says".

Words to the wise.

[Anonymous]

Just because two things are wrong does not make them analogous.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes, condoms do legitimately fall off during sex, and it's not always noticeable when it happens.

[Anonymous]

There is probably a grain of truth to this. But for every person who is actually intentionally "stealthing," there are probably ten other people who are going to have their lives wrecked by rash accusations and media attention.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_panic