What kind of a father does this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Is it passive-aggressive to get back at you? Does he have visitation and not use it?

Apparently he's stopped completely. Whatever happened he's pretty angry. When OP said she had to do a lot of stuff to facilitate their relationship that was quite telling. I'm guessing he was never crazy about being a dad, perhaps the child wasn't planned. I believe there's more going on here, but it may be ex is tired of being tied down as well. OP said they live very close to her ex so now I'm wondering if he'll move. Otherwise, I don't see how he will be able to avoid the both of them for too long.

OP, are you or ex dating or with other people? I'm wondering if there's some other influences going on with your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird. Is it passive-aggressive to get back at you? Does he have visitation and not use it?

Apparently he's stopped completely. Whatever happened he's pretty angry. When OP said she had to do a lot of stuff to facilitate their relationship that was quite telling. I'm guessing he was never crazy about being a dad, perhaps the child wasn't planned. I believe there's more going on here, but it may be ex is tired of being tied down as well. OP said they live very close to her ex so now I'm wondering if he'll move. Otherwise, I don't see how he will be able to avoid the both of them for too long.

OP, are you or ex dating or with other people? I'm wondering if there's some other influences going on with your ex.

You kind of hit the nail on the head. He did not want to be a father and begged me to have an abortion. I wouldn't and made it clear to him that he could totally not be involved if he didn't want to be. He felt that his parents would really be hurt if he abandoned his child so he slowly came around. Just because he didn't want the baby does not mean he got to punish me or our child. I still expected him to act like a responsible adult if he was around our child. That has not happened. I made a huge mistake by allowing to basically be a buddy. I do all of the parenting. He comes over (or used to) 5-6 times a week to play with our son but as soon as he has to be an actual parent he is out of there. The reason I blew up at him was because he did something dangerous. The man is a child who cannot grow up. But there is no situation or emotion that I could (and do) feel for him that would keep me away from my child. Whatever he is feeling towards me is irrelevant. You don't go from nearly daily contact to nothing over night.

As far as dating, i don't see how that is relevant. I have moved on a long time ago and I know he is dating too. That is not why this is happeneing. He had a history of just disappearing when he fucks up. He did it to his best friend in the world when friend's father died. My x did not call him or go to the funeral. Instead of apologizing he blocked the friend, completely. I guess I should have predicted this.

I am not calling him or chasing him down. But when his child runs into him on the street I think I have a right to be upset that his father tries to hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex laws sometimes ostracize me and over spring break, my child suffered for it. Everyone went to an event she would have loved but she was not included.

I explained to her that their problem is not about her, but that it's with me. I suggest that approach when talking to your child.

I did that. I came home and told my son that daddy is mad at me but that he is not supposed to treat him like that and that he did nothing to deserve that. Thank you for understanding

How old is your boy, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex laws sometimes ostracize me and over spring break, my child suffered for it. Everyone went to an event she would have loved but she was not included.

I explained to her that their problem is not about her, but that it's with me. I suggest that approach when talking to your child.

I did that. I came home and told my son that daddy is mad at me but that he is not supposed to treat him like that and that he did nothing to deserve that. Thank you for understanding

How old is your boy, OP?

He is 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex laws sometimes ostracize me and over spring break, my child suffered for it. Everyone went to an event she would have loved but she was not included.

I explained to her that their problem is not about her, but that it's with me. I suggest that approach when talking to your child.

I did that. I came home and told my son that daddy is mad at me but that he is not supposed to treat him like that and that he did nothing to deserve that. Thank you for understanding

How old is your boy, OP?

He is 8.

So, young. He wouldn't be able to put 'bad behavior' together about an adult. But I would guess he knows he's being rejected. How long has the Ex been pulling this stunt? Days? Weeks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex laws sometimes ostracize me and over spring break, my child suffered for it. Everyone went to an event she would have loved but she was not included.

I explained to her that their problem is not about her, but that it's with me. I suggest that approach when talking to your child.

I did that. I came home and told my son that daddy is mad at me but that he is not supposed to treat him like that and that he did nothing to deserve that. Thank you for understanding

How old is your boy, OP?

He is 8.

So, young. He wouldn't be able to put 'bad behavior' together about an adult. But I would guess he knows he's being rejected. How long has the Ex been pulling this stunt? Days? Weeks?

Almost three months now.

[Anonymous]

Can you dial back the custody/visitation arrangement with your ex? If he is resentful, perhaps it's best if he sees less of his son. You don't have to cut off his parents - make your own arrangements with them, if possible. If something happened to my ex, I'd still facilitate time with his parents because I know how important it is to them, and it's good for my daughter to have the grandparent relationship. (mine are farther away.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you dial back the custody/visitation arrangement with your ex? If he is resentful, perhaps it's best if he sees less of his son. You don't have to cut off his parents - make your own arrangements with them, if possible. If something happened to my ex, I'd still facilitate time with his parents because I know how important it is to them, and it's good for my daughter to have the grandparent relationship. (mine are farther away.)

There is no visitation. He just stopped coming. We never had court ordered custody/visitation. He didn't want it so I have 100% custody and he was coming around whenever he wanted to. I never thought of cutting off his parents. I didn't cut the x off either. He did that himself.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are verbally, if not emotionally abusive to him. You clearly don't want him around as you are setting up this situation. He doesn't want to deal with you and the impact all the drama has on your son. If you did not mean to cut him out, you need to apologize and treat him better. He may not parent your way, but he does not need to and should be allowed to parent his way. You are nasty and spiteful. You do not say anything like you said to your son. He's only 8. You need to grow up, stop posting your personal life online to get the oh, how terrible for you and apologize for your child's sake. Then get into therapy to learn to co-parent better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are verbally, if not emotionally abusive to him. You clearly don't want him around as you are setting up this situation. He doesn't want to deal with you and the impact all the drama has on your son. If you did not mean to cut him out, you need to apologize and treat him better. He may not parent your way, but he does not need to and should be allowed to parent his way. You are nasty and spiteful. You do not say anything like you said to your son. He's only 8. You need to grow up, stop posting your personal life online to get the oh, how terrible for you and apologize for your child's sake. Then get into therapy to learn to co-parent better.

You are hilarious. Truly. You know nothing about me, how I treat my child or his father, but that doesn't stop you from being hateful to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are verbally, if not emotionally abusive to him. You clearly don't want him around as you are setting up this situation. He doesn't want to deal with you and the impact all the drama has on your son. If you did not mean to cut him out, you need to apologize and treat him better. He may not parent your way, but he does not need to and should be allowed to parent his way. You are nasty and spiteful. You do not say anything like you said to your son. He's only 8. You need to grow up, stop posting your personal life online to get the oh, how terrible for you and apologize for your child's sake. Then get into therapy to learn to co-parent better.

You are hilarious. Truly. You know nothing about me, how I treat my child or his father, but that doesn't stop you from being hateful to me.

Read your post. You screamed at the guy. How do you expect him to react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are verbally, if not emotionally abusive to him. You clearly don't want him around as you are setting up this situation. He doesn't want to deal with you and the impact all the drama has on your son. If you did not mean to cut him out, you need to apologize and treat him better. He may not parent your way, but he does not need to and should be allowed to parent his way. You are nasty and spiteful. You do not say anything like you said to your son. He's only 8. You need to grow up, stop posting your personal life online to get the oh, how terrible for you and apologize for your child's sake. Then get into therapy to learn to co-parent better.

You are hilarious. Truly. You know nothing about me, how I treat my child or his father, but that doesn't stop you from being hateful to me.

Read your post. You screamed at the guy. How do you expect him to react.

I said I blew up at him, as in I was angry that he did something that out our child in danger. Like actual, real danger. I never said I screamed at him. Stop projecting whatever you have going on in your life onto mine. Your situation and your hatred has nothing to do with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are verbally, if not emotionally abusive to him. You clearly don't want him around as you are setting up this situation. He doesn't want to deal with you and the impact all the drama has on your son. If you did not mean to cut him out, you need to apologize and treat him better. He may not parent your way, but he does not need to and should be allowed to parent his way. You are nasty and spiteful. You do not say anything like you said to your son. He's only 8. You need to grow up, stop posting your personal life online to get the oh, how terrible for you and apologize for your child's sake. Then get into therapy to learn to co-parent better.

You are hilarious. Truly. You know nothing about me, how I treat my child or his father, but that doesn't stop you from being hateful to me.

Read your post. You screamed at the guy. How do you expect him to react.

I would bet anything you are also a dead beat sperm donor. Like minds think alike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are verbally, if not emotionally abusive to him. You clearly don't want him around as you are setting up this situation. He doesn't want to deal with you and the impact all the drama has on your son. If you did not mean to cut him out, you need to apologize and treat him better. He may not parent your way, but he does not need to and should be allowed to parent his way. You are nasty and spiteful. You do not say anything like you said to your son. He's only 8. You need to grow up, stop posting your personal life online to get the oh, how terrible for you and apologize for your child's sake. Then get into therapy to learn to co-parent better.

You are hilarious. Truly. You know nothing about me, how I treat my child or his father, but that doesn't stop you from being hateful to me.

Read your post. You screamed at the guy. How do you expect him to react.

I would bet anything you are also a dead beat sperm donor. Like minds think alike.

NP. Agree. The number of man children on these boards who openly blame their disgusting behavior on women not coddling them enough is mind boggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are verbally, if not emotionally abusive to him. You clearly don't want him around as you are setting up this situation. He doesn't want to deal with you and the impact all the drama has on your son. If you did not mean to cut him out, you need to apologize and treat him better. He may not parent your way, but he does not need to and should be allowed to parent his way. You are nasty and spiteful. You do not say anything like you said to your son. He's only 8. You need to grow up, stop posting your personal life online to get the oh, how terrible for you and apologize for your child's sake. Then get into therapy to learn to co-parent better.

You are hilarious. Truly. You know nothing about me, how I treat my child or his father, but that doesn't stop you from being hateful to me.

Read your post. You screamed at the guy. How do you expect him to react.

I would bet anything you are also a dead beat sperm donor. Like minds think alike.

NP. Agree. The number of man children on these boards who openly blame their disgusting behavior on women not coddling them enough is mind boggling.

that's exactly what happened here. His parents have coddled all three of them to the point of not being able to function. X works very little and his dad pays his mortgage. He pays minimal child support, never even spent the night with our son alone, never took a sick day with him, never acted like a parent at all. When I reacted to him endangering our child, i get this. I'm over it. I HATE that he did this to our son. His parents agree with me. They called me the other day amazed at his behavior. Lot of good that will do. I feel sort of bad for them but I think we have a good enough relationship that will continue with or without the ex.